


The Far Side of Oblivion

by Asteria_Wang



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abusive Family, Angst, Brother-Sister Relationships, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, F/M, Falling In Love, Kotodama, Lemon, Original Character(s), Original Storyline Focused, POV First Person, Rape, Rough Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Starter, Smut, mafia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:56:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28797234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asteria_Wang/pseuds/Asteria_Wang
Summary: Luna Vermillion is the daughter of the biggest mafia family in all of the Yorbian continent. But she’s left that life behind. At least she thinks so.Because of a date-rape drug, Luna accidentally has sex with a stranger that she finds out is Hisoka. To make it up to him, she promises to entertain him for three months. During this time, Luna finds that she is hopelessly in love with Hisoka, but her feelings aren't reciprocated. To make things worse, Luna's past that she has been running away from is catching up to her, and when it does, it will surely crush her and her fragile new love.🍋 Steamy Hisoka sex scenes! 🍋 First person POV. Original storyline-focused (mildly connected to canon storyline). Story set after the anime finishes.
Relationships: Hisoka (Hunter X Hunter) & Reader, Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Reader
Comments: 42
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

It was my mistake. 

I admit I had been lonely. It had been so long since I last talked to anyone that when a handsome guy (who introduced himself as Erik) in a beige cardigan had slid in across from me at the cozy coffee shop with a cup of hot chocolate as an offering, I took it without a second thought. 

And there was my mistake. Mistake number one. 

I sipped on the hot chocolate while he asked me about random things, saying he saw me several times at the coffee shop writing by myself, that he couldn’t help noticing how beautiful I was with my wavy platinum hair and blue-grey eyes. Then he asked about my family situation, if I was traveling alone, was I here for work, etc. 

And there was my second mistake. Mistake number two. 

I lied about my family situation, but otherwise told him the truth: that I was a writer working on my third novel. That I was here in the small town of Blumine for story inspiration (among other things I didn’t mention, but probably should have). That Blumine wasn’t going to be the last small town I was going to visit. That perhaps, ‘ _if the company is good_ ,’ I slid in coyly, I might stay longer.

I started getting tired a bit after I had bottomed out the hot chocolate. I had spent most of the previous night working on my story as a random dash of inspiration had hit me suddenly, so I wasn’t too surprised by the fatigue. I had said as much when he offered to take my home - ‘ _as a gentleman should’_ \- he had said with an easy smile. 

And there was my last mistake. Mistake number three. 

Blood rushed from my head as a wave of dizziness overtook me. I stumbled and paused as my vision doubled, struggling to keep the sky above and the ground below. His calloused hands that didn’t match his neat attire wrapped around my shoulders, but instead of stopping to ask if I was okay, he instead led me firmly forward without a word. 

“What did you--” I was cut off by another wave of dizziness. My legs shuffled underneath me, struggling to keep upright as he moved me forward. Lead replaced my bones with every step I took. 

“Shhh, just go to sleep.” He soothed, leading me more resolutely towards his car. 

“No...” I barely mumbled out, trying my best to shove him away. He easily caught my arm in a stubborn grip and half carried, half dragged my squirming body to the car. It was a nondescript black mini van, the kind with blacked out windows you use to kidnap people with. How unoriginal. Someone slid open the door from the inside and reached out to help Erik load me into the van. 

At this point, I had already lost most of the control over my body and my skin was feverishly hot. My consciousness swam, but I was still hanging on, _for now_ at least. I knew it was illegal to reveal the existence of _nen_ to normal people, but I didn’t have any choice right now. If I waited any longer, who knows if I’ll even be in the right mind to fight them off. Even now, there was an ever growing ache between my thighs, and all I could think about was how _handsome_ Erik was. And that was all wrong. What they hell had Erik given me? 

_“Stop._ ” I commanded with my _nen_ , even though what I really wanted was them to touch me more. 

They froze, their hands still shackling my arms like a vice. They darted wide eyes at each other as they became trapped in the statue of their own bodies. I tried pulling out of their grip, but found it futile. 

“ _Let go._ ” I commanded. Their hands dropped me and I crumbled to the car floor. 

“ _Sleep. Don’t wake up until 12 hours have passed._ ” I continued, scooting off the dirty van floor until my feet touched solid ground. 

Erik who had still been outside the van dropped to the parking lot pavement like he was a marionette with his strings cut. The other man, who had been inside the car, hit his head on the car door as he fell with a heavy _thunk_. I had half a mind to make sure he wasn’t bleeding to death. It would really suck if I had accidentally killed someone by forcing him to sleep through an internal brain hemorrhage. This was one guy whose life I didn’t want on my hands. 

When I made sure his head wasn’t bleeding, I added a command just for him, _just to be safe._ “ _Wake up in 3 hours._ ” I commanded. I didn’t bother checking if there was a third man in the driver’s seat. The car had been silent. And I really didn’t have that much time left. If I stayed any longer, I was afraid I might just strip Erik and have him while he slept, if that was even possible. And if it wasn’t, I could always command it so. 

Clutching my bag that I had dropped, I turned away resolutely. The fact that that took more willpower than I cared to admit spoke volumes about how screwed I was. 

I paused at the coffee shop entrance, considering getting help from one of the employees, then shook the idea away. From what I had seen, there had only been one female worker, and I vaguely remembered her not being on her shift when I was there earlier. The last thing I needed was to command an orgy using my _nen_ with all the coffee shop boys. The thought of an orgy with them sent delicious spasms down my body. I bit down on my lip until I tasted blood and the orgy idea sounded only fractionally less appealing. Just what the hell had Erik given me? 

The sun had already set, but there might still be people out for evening strolls. I couldn’t take the normal road back to my temporary residence. The last thing I wanted was to jump a random stranger on the street. There were abandoned buildings and long boarded off store fronts that formed a maze of dark alleys. Common sense told me that no one would want to go to these areas. Though, I didn’t have much of a second choice. I didn’t know anyone in this town, not that I had anyone I could call for help who was around or not. I didn’t have any more friends. I _couldn’t_ have any more. And in regards to family…

I considered my chances of going to a doctor. Maybe they would have something for whatever Erik had slipped into my hot chocolate? Even if they didn’t, they could at least tranquilize me yes? But...what were the chances I would still be in my right head when I got there? What if I used my _nen_ on them?... I shuddered.

Home it was. 

Skirting into a back alley, I half tripped, half stumbled my way in the general direction home. The dirty bricked walls I used for support scraped against my palms when flesh caught against jutted out corners, but I ignored it as I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. I repeated ‘ _avoid people avoid people avoid people’_ like a mantra as a constant reminder. Though I didn’t know how effective it was. I hadn’t seen a single person yet, so I hadn’t had a chance to test if my abstinence mantra was working properly or not. 

My face was burning so hot that it felt like even my eyeballs were seeing red. Flickering neon lights hurled bursts of color exploding into my vision like grenades. I felt like I was tripping through a war zone, the trash bags littered on the floor became bodies, the deafening clangs of stuff I knocked over rocking the ground like cannon balls. My mind had disintegrated into a mindless haze of one foot in front of the other. The fever had long consumed me. I wasn’t thinking of anything except the pulsating ache that was my body that _needed_ to be quenched. 

And then, at the end of the alley, there was a silhouette of a person exiting from an unmarked door. The silhouette was tall, much taller than Erik. Much taller than me. His figure was distinctly male: broad shoulders smoothing into a slender waist. Light from the open street hugged his figure like a halo. I squinted against the light. It was so bright it felt as if the gates of heaven had opened up and he was an angel, beckoning me forward. 

My lips had long gone silent save for the panting of need. And I already had fistfulls of his shirt clenched the next time I blinked. 

“Help...” I mumbled, “Please...help me...” The figure froze. 

The heat was unbearable. The ache between my thighs told me that it wasn’t just any sleeping drug that Erik had slipped me, but an aphrodisiac, and a strong one at that. The kind that didn’t care what would happen to the person taking it. I was suddenly so very aware of my body and the body of the stranger that was still frozen in front of me. He was a man, and my body needed him right now. No matter that I was a virgin, no matter that I hadn’t even had my first kiss; I pawed at the stranger, whimpers dripping from my parted lips as my drug addled brain only wanted one thing and one thing only.

The man was too tall for me to reach his lips. I tried reaching for him, to pull him down, but he wasn’t moving. “ _Kiss me!_ ” I commanded in my frustration, putting _nen_ into the word. The man stiffened before he bent over and took my lips as I had commanded. I drowned myself in his lips, inhaling his musky scent that faintly smelled of strawberries and something tropical. He ate at my lips as much as I ate at his, his tongue forcing their way roughly into my mouth. His hands clenched at my sides. I could feel him struggling against my command, which was strange, but I couldn’t think past anything but the frustration of how I wanted him more, that it wasn’t enough. 

“ _Hold me! Kiss me! Fuck me! Take me! I want it! Give it to me, please!_ ” I begged, but I had put the full force of my nen into the command. I needed him, and I would not be denied. I felt him stiffen again, but a second later, I felt him give in. With his lips locked to mine, he lifted me off the floor while I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me through the door he had just exited from. I was faintly aware that we were in a bar, that there was music playing, that there were people around us and looking at us. It was almost enough to pull me from the stupor of the drug, but the man’s lips had found that delicate patch of skin on the neck underneath and behind the ears and began suckling at it and I was undone. I shuddered and my back arched as I moaned loudly. He walked us into another room and suddenly I was on my back. He had tossed me onto a bed. By the time my dizzied eyes found him again, he had already rid himself of all of his clothes. The man drank in the sight of me with eyes filled with lust, but his lips were curled in amusement. He was making no move to come towards me and that frustrated me again. 

“ _I want you, come here!_ ” I commanded, but he was unmoved. I tried again, putting more nen into my command this time, “ _Kiss me! I want you to take me! Fuck me!_ ” 

He finally moved, but for some reason it didn’t feel like it was because of the command. He crawled upwards onto the bed, looming as he knelt over me, still appraising me with the same frustrating expression as before. 

“How _interesting_ ~” He cooed, sliding a finger along my cheek to stop at my chin. My lower region tightened in response to his voice. 

The ache between my thighs was burning, and I whimpered, moving to sit up so I could close the distance between us that my kotodama _nen_ couldn’t. His hand moved to my shoulder and pushed me back onto the bed before pinning my hands above me with one hand. He still made no move to touch me elsewhere. I squirmed under his weight, and found that I couldn’t move. 

“ _Touch me!_ ” I almost cried, “ _Please!_ ” I begged. 

“How demanding~” He smiled, “I wonder what happened to you to make you like this.” 

“ _Kiss me! Fuck me! I want you inside of me!_ ” I commanded, throwing command after command, but it was having no effect on the man on top of me. I whimpered from the need, actual tears sliding down my cheeks. He caught them with his finger. 

“You poor thing,” he whispered, bringing his finger to his lips before his tongue darted out and lapped up the droplet. “Mmm, you taste so _sweet_.” He moaned, drawing out the last word. 

“ _Please…!_ ” I begged, putting as much _nen_ as I could into that one word. He was still holding himself infuriatingly away from me. 

“I can feel your _nen_. It’s so strong…! Like a tsunami trying to pull me away.” He rolled his eyes upwards as he moaned, the sound sending little spasms in my lower region. I whimpered in response. 

“Ahh! I want to let go. I want to obey you...!” He moaned, his grip on my wrist tightening until I felt like they might snap under the pressure. All the while, wordless pleas dribbled out of my lips. 

“Submitting to you might be fun, but I’m just not one to obey.” He crooned, letting go of my wrist. As soon as he let go, I tried reaching for him, but found that my hands were still immobilized above me. I couldn’t feel anything, but it was as if my hands were stuck in place. His fingers found my clothes and they quickly became tatters as he ripped them off of me with enough force to jerk my body upwards. 

His hands cupped my ample breasts as his tongue drew a trail from my collarbone to my nipple where he paused to suckle on each of them. My body writhed under his as nonsense fell from my lips. His fingers grazed down my stomach to my thighs where he left hickeys on the soft flesh, occasionally nibbling on the delicate skin, each time sending happy spasms down my back. His fingers found my overflowing ache and he teased the area around it, carefully avoiding all the places I wanted him to touch. I commanded and begged to no avail until I was a sobbing, whimpering mess. His lips finally found my swollen bump where he laid the softest of butterfly kisses on them before he bit down lightly, sending me reeling from the electricity, the thrill, the adrenaline, the pain, and the dangerous pleasure. Wordless moans and screams trickled from my lips while he worked me into putty. Mind still reeling from the pleasure and the drugs, it wasn’t until I had been flipped onto my stomach and propped up onto my knees when I felt his incredibly large member teasing my entrance. 

Maybe it was the fact that the man had already brought me to orgasm a couple of times, or maybe it was the drugs beginning to wear off, but I was suddenly remembering that I was still a virgin who, just this morning, had not even had her first kiss. I couldn’t even remember if I had been hugged by a man of the opposite gender before, not counting relatives. And then, the more urgent memory of why I avoided forming relationships with people at all cost. Why I _couldn’t_ be close to anyone, for their own safety. This all surfaced in my mind in a single moment while the man whose name I didn’t even know rubbed his length against my dripping slit. I opened my mouth to stop him, but he chose that very second to pull back and angle himself before driving deep into me. 

The tearing pain hit first, chasing away the drugged haze momentarily. I let out a scream and tried to scoot away, but his hands caught my hips and held me still. He threw his head back and moaned, burying himself as deep as he could go for a moment, reveling in the feeling. I struggled, tears streaming down my cheeks while my hands batted futilely at his. 

“Ohhh, you’re so tight!” He groaned, “Don’t try to run away~ You’ll only make me want chase you down and fuck you harder!” 

“Mmm,” he hummed, pulling himself back out. Just when I thought he would slide all the way out, he rammed himself back home, burying himself to the hilt. I let out another scream. 

He began pumping himself into me at a feverish pace, hitting that sweet delicious spot deep inside that sent all reason flying back into oblivion. The pain had disappeared, partly perhaps due to the drugs. All that was left was the delicious, insatiable pleasure left each time his tip kissed my sweet spot. He was moaning behind me, one hand on my hip with the other knotted into my hair. He yanked my head back and I gasped, my moans dying out at my throat from the constriction. Mewls dribbled out of my lips instead as he pounded harder. All I could do was ball the sheets into fists and cling on for dear life as each thrust reverberated all the way to my brain. The sound of our flesh smacking against each other and our moans echoing off the dingy walls got louder and louder as he plowed me into his shape. He bent over and enveloped my body, hugging his stomach to my back as he wrapped an arm around me while the other held himself up. He pumped himself into me in this intimate position, as if he was embracing a lover from behind. I could feel all of him pressed against me when he suddenly drove himself three times fast into me, breaking rhythm. 

He moaned into my hair then bit down on my neck and shoulder, carving painful, probably bloody imprints into my skin. Marking me. I screamed my own pleasure, his breath in my ear and the last thrusts driving me over the edge. 

I collapsed onto the bed, panting, as the orgasm and drug sent my body trembling from the aftershocks of the sex. Just when I thought I would drift off into a heavy sleep, the bed moved and I felt him reposition himself moments before he drove himself back into me from behind in one fluid motion. 

“Did you think I would be satisfied with one round?” He breath against my ear sending shivers down my back, “ _I’m not done with you yet~_ ” 

♠♥♣♦

_“Sol, do you think Father hates me?” I asked, laying flat on the grass, uprooting the immaculate field greenery next to my hands absently._

_My twin brother younger than me by 10 minutes, Solius, lay next to me. He had his hands folded on his stomach as he watched the same cloud that slowly drifted past us. I was supposed to be the older one, but things that took me a week to learn, he learned in one day. Sometimes I wondered if he was actually the older one. We did look exactly the same. Maybe they mistook me for Sol and I had actually come out second? Then maybe everyone would stop looking at me and expect me to do better than him since I was the older one._

_“No, of course Father doesn’t hate you. Who told you that?!” He sat up abruptly to look at me._

_“No one,” I watched the cloud overhead change shape, blowing away the weird blob shape it had been. Now it faintly resembled a rabbit. A deformed rabbit._

_“But I’m so different,” I said,_ like the rabbit _, “I’m not good at sword fighting, I can’t run very fast or very far, and I can’t keep up with the lessons.”_

_The wind blew, and the deformed rabbit disappeared, morphing into something else._

_I heard the grass rustle before I felt Sol’s hand wrapping around mine. He had scooted himself over so that we were lying next to each other._

_“Do you want to be good at those things?” Sol asked._

_I thought about it for a while, then shook my head, sending my pale blonde pigtails swinging to my face. “No, I don’t like Uncle’s lessons.”_

_Sol gave my hand a squeeze._

_“See? And as for Father…” he trailed off, “Luna, do you like me because I’m good at sword fighting? Because I’m good at running?”_

_I turned my head to look at him in the eyes, the same pair of ice blue-grey that match my own in the mirror. I shook my head again, “Of course not. I like Sol because...because I just do.”_

_He flashed me a wide smile as warm as the sun and I found myself mirroring him again._

_“Sol,” I said happily, rolling over onto my stomach and propping myself up on my elbows, “I learned about something in astrology class the other day.”_

_He closed his eyes and grinned up at the blue, blue sky. “What is it?”_

_“Did you know that the moon can only shine because of the sun’s rays? The sun warms up the moon so the moon can be happy and warm too!”_

_“I love you too,” was his only reply._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kotodama - refers to the Japanese belief that mystical powers dwell in words and names. English translations include "soul of language", "spirit of language", "power of language", "power word", "magic word", and "sacred sound". The notion of kotodama presupposes that sounds can magically affect objects, and that ritual word usages can influence our environment, body, mind, and soul (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kotodama).
> 
> This will most likely be a long story. I envision a part 2 where OC Luna comes back much more OP than she's set out to be right now. We'll see! Give a girl some time to grow!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna forgets what happened the night previous and sets out to find the man named Hisoka.

I blinked against the sunlight that had peeled through the broken window shades and sat up slowly. I was in a dirty room painted all shades of grey. The carpet was a mosaic of black and speckled grey, the kind that didn’t have any fluff, the kind used to hide how dirty the place actually was. The bed I was in wasn’t in much better shape. An ill fitted dark blue bed sheet was pulled over the thin spring bed. One corner had already come loose to reveal the worn out mattress underneath. The walls were painted in a solid shade of chrome grey, but there were smears of traces left by other people that made you think twice about leaning on the walls. Despite the sunlight tearing through the broken window shades, the room was still very dark. 

Where the hell am I? 

I couldn’t remember much from last night. Every time I tried, a pulsating migraine warned me off. All I could remember last was the man in the alleyway. I sighed, reaching a hand up to rub my temples only to flinch. There were cuts all over my palms, and when I realized this, I finally took notice of the state that I was in. First, I was naked. Remnants of my clothing were on the floor in pieces. I couldn’t even find my bra. Second, there was something oozing out of me down there as soon as I sat up. I yanked aside the thin quilt to find dried white splotches starkly decorating the dark blue bed sheet. What’s more, there was more coming out of me. My lower region was a mess and everything hurt. There were teeth marks, bruises, and bits of dried blood along with...flaky white stuff along my thigh. It didn’t take a detective to realize what had happened to me. 

I wrapped my arms around myself as a fine quiver vibrated seemingly from deep within my bones. I rocked forward and back. _It’s okay. It’s okay._ I kept telling myself. _You always wanted to lose your v-card right? It’s about time anyway. You’re already 23. Who was still a virgin at 23 anyway? Just think of it as a bad hookup. Consensual…probably. Oh hell, if anything, it should be the poor sap that I probably nen commanded to fuck me that I should be sorry for. Did I rape someone? Why the hell couldn’t I remember anything?_

The door burst open without a knock and I grabbed the quilt to cover myself as best I could. A girl in a plain white dress shirt and black pant aprons stood framed by the door. She looked a bit out of place, clean and pressed, like she should be serving people at a high end restaurant than at...wherever this was. Maybe this was a high end restaurant? Had I barged into a restaurant yesterday? 

“Good. You’re awake.” She huffed with a frown, “Can you get out now?”

I hugged the quilt closer. “Uh…” I began, not sure what to say. 

“Clothes?” She concluded, with the pile on the ground evident as day. I nodded meekly. She disappeared for a while before reappearing again with a neatly folded white dress shirt much like the one she was wearing, except several sizes bigger, and a pair of shorts. 

“We don’t have any more shirts in your size.” She said as she handed them to me, “The shorts are my spare. You don’t have to return them.” 

After I took them from her and thanked her, she disappeared again through the doors, slamming them behind her. I was alone again. 

The shirt was too big. I looked like I was wearing a male’s size. It vaguely resembled a boyfriend shirt, and the thought had me thinking about the man I met in the alley. He was most likely the one I had... _coerced_ into having sex with me. I gathered the remnants of my clothing and didn’t see any traces of the man from yesterday, aside from the marks he left on my body and the copious amount of _stuff_ coming out of me. Had I ripped my own clothing off? Had he? Most people don’t rip off clothing. It took much longer to rip than to just take off. For normal people anyway. 

I left the room and closed the door softly behind me. It was a bar, and currently empty. The lights were off but there was sunlight streaming through the windows and the glass door on the far end of the room that faced the open street. Chairs were flipped upside down on the tables. The girl was nowhere to be found. 

I peeked into the back room where a “Staff Only” sign hung crooked against the wall. “Excuse me?” I called out tentatively. Silence. I tried again, louder this time. 

The girl stuck her head out of one of the rooms, annoyed. “What?”

I started towards her apologetically, “Sorry, I hate to do this to you, but...um…” I trailed off, unsure what to say. 

I tried again, “So yesterday…” 

She made an annoyed sound. 

“Can you please tell me what happened yesterday?” I just blurted out, “I was drugged, so I don’t remember much at all. And...well, the situation kind of calls for me to remember what the hell happened?” 

“Please?” I added at the end, almost in tears. Yes, I was probably the one that had raped someone yesterday, but it didn’t change the fact that I was feeling more like the rape victim instead. Does that even happen? Can you rape each other? How does that even work? 

She huffed again, exhaling a cloud of smoke. I hadn’t realized she’d been smoking. Her eyes flitted from my panicked face to the way I was clutching my arms and she sighed again. “I don’t know what happened. Wasn’t my shift.” She finally said. 

I must have made a face because she continued, “But I did see the guy who left.” She sighed again, “Of all the people you had to tangle with, you chose that guy.” 

She shook her head. “Take my advice, don’t look for him. He’s bad. As bad as they get.” She turned to leave. 

“D-Do you know his name?” I asked quickly, a tad louder to keep her there. 

She made a face. “Fine, don’t take my advice. Your life.” She shrugged, then puffed out another breath of smoke. 

“Name’s Hisoka.” She grimaced, as if the name offended her, “Pink hair, yellow eyes. Skin as pale as a snowman. That’s all I got. Good luck, girl. ‘Cuz you’re gonna need it.” She puffed one last time before disappearing for good back into the room. 

_Hisoka…_ I hugged my arms to myself a little bit tighter. 

I made it back home relatively quickly without getting _too_ many stares from other people as they took in the messed up hair, the oversized and slipping dress shirt, then lingered a few seconds too long on the shorts I could only call ‘booty shorts’. I made straight for the shower as I stripped off everything and stepped under the pounding water. The burning rush left my skin flushed bright pink, scalding, but I didn’t care. Crouching into a ball with the water pounding down from above, I closed my eyes and did my best to not think about anything. _Just breathe…_

♠♥♣♦

_“Uncle! Please don’t kill them!” I ran up to him from behind, clutching at his leg._

_“Miss Luna! You should be taking your physical training lessons! Where is that teacher of yours? I will have him--”_

_“Uncle! Please!” I begged, cutting him off. I tugged at his shirt sleeve, trying to pull his attention away from the men kneeling in front of him._

_They were covered in blood, having just been put through torture. I didn’t know who they were, but I knew what kind of ending they would have. I had seen this one too many times._

_“Miss Luna. These vermin are not your concern. You need not worry about them. Let me take you back.” Uncle smiled at me, guiding me with a firm hand on my back through the doors. I resisted._

_“Uncle!” I whined again, dodging out of his reach. I put myself between Uncle and the men, facing Uncle squarely with a frown._

_“Miss Luna!” Uncle cried, his arms outstretched, but he wasn’t looking at me. His wide eyes were glued at what was behind me._

_A scream sounded from behind as I turned. Sol had his sword buried into the chest of the man that had previously been kneeling. The man crumpled to the floor, his eyes glazed over, an arm outstretched still, forever reaching towards me._

_“Luna, you can’t turn your back to them.” Sol said plainly, unsheathing his sword from the man with a wet sound, barely audible. My eyes followed the sword made of black obsidian steel back to its owner. Sol was my twin. Everyone said we looked identical. But as I looked into his eyes that were devoid of anything, I wondered if I would ever look like that._

♠♥♣♦

The shower erased all remnants of the stranger named _Hisoka_ from my skin and time brushed away the rest. In a few days, even the bruises were wiped away. Then the scrapes on my palms. When a few weeks passed and I bleed again right on time, I let go of the last bit of breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. 

I had gone back to the same bar in hopes that I might be able to find a ‘Hisoka’, but it was as if he hadn’t existed in the first place. I informed the police that there were people kidnapping young girls in the town, but they had not found any signs of them. I also never saw the girl who had lent me the shorts that day again. Perhaps it wasn’t her shift. Or perhaps she had resigned. Either way, it was as if that night had been just a dream. 

Setting down the earl grey tea back onto the table, I stared blankly at the open laptop with a blinking cursor. The coffee mug made a soft _clack_ against the tiled counter. I breathed out a small sigh after barely having taken a sip. Was it all just in my head? The memory was still vividly etched to the back of my eyelids every night I closed my eyes. It had gotten bad enough that I found I could no longer swallow hot chocolate without my body expelling it back out. It was as if my brain had forgotten, but my body hadn’t. I turned to stare absently at the array of different tea brands I had newly invested in. It was still too bitter. After having lived off hot chocolate for all my 23 years of life, tea was too big a change for me. 

I closed my eyes as another growing migraine drummed against my temples, a sign that my body was protesting again. Protesting against what, I still did not know. 

I knew they were watching me. They were always watching. I couldn’t imagine Sol or Uncle not keeping tabs on me at all times. But I wondered how close this tab was. Had they been there the night I had been drugged? Had they seen me get dragged towards the van? Had they not stepped in because they knew I could take care of it, which I had? But what about afterwards? Would they know who and where ‘Hisoka’ is? 

I cradled my headache in my palms, elbows on the table. Steam from the hot tea rose up and painted a veil of condensation against my cheeks. I had half a mind to move.

Blowing out a long puff of air, I reached for my phone and dialed. After a few rings, the line clicked. 

“Please connect me to a skilled tracker.” 

♠♥♣♦

The underworld community’s classified information network operated through skill requests. You tell them what kind of person you need for the job and they’ll connect you with the right person, no questions asked. These were for the jobs that you wanted to stay confidential. I couldn’t exactly have my family finding out that I was looking for a man named ‘Hisoka’. In exchange for confidentiality though, the job would cost more. 

I knew they would send me someone skilled. Maybe it was because they had found out that the job request had come from the daughter of the Vermillion family, or maybe because I hadn’t stated an upper limit to the price, but either way, when I found Illumi Zoldyck standing at the doorway three days later, I half regretted calling to make the request. 

He sat on the loveseat, a mug of green tea nesting un-sipped in his hands as he watched me with eyes that sent my skin crawling. The Zoldyck family is an infamous family of professional assassins akin to the bogey man of the underworld community. It wasn’t any day that a member of this infamous family could be hired, much less sitting on my loveseat... 

I asked for a tracker didn’t I? Why the heck did they send me an assassin??? 

“Um, so for the job…” I began, unsure of where to begin, “I’m really sorry, but I wasn’t expecting them to send you.” 

He blinked. That movement surprised me. But then it shouldn’t have. Of course assassins blinked. They were still human. Right…? 

“I can pay you!” I quickly added, afraid he might just slit my throat for making him come all this way just to be unable to pay, “But I don’t need anyone killed. I just need to find someone.” 

“Name?” Illumi spoke, his expression never having changed. He was taking the job?

“Hisoka,” I sighed, surrendering to this ridiculous situation that had clearly gotten way out of hand, “Pink hair, yellow eyes apparently? Skin as white as a-- white skin. I _may_ have done something terrible to him so I’d like to find him and apologize.” I explained. 

The assassin stood up, like a robot, but with infinitely more grace. He set down the full mug that I had filled haphazardly with green tea and was out the door before I could add in another word. I assumed that meant he was taking the job? 

Now that the room was empty, I blew out a long breath. Why were they all like this? Back at home, I had seen my fair share of “professionals” that our family had hired. It was as if the more “professional” they were, the weirder they got. Father had been the same. I rarely saw him, but when I did, he wasn’t much different than the “professionals” that were occasionally hired to guard or kill someone: quiet, antisocial, nonconforming to the common sense and social etiquette. I hope Sol didn’t turn out that way…

♠♥♣♦

_“Young Master Solius, Miss Luna, today you both will be divining your nen specialty.” Uncle smiled with a glass of water in front of him._

_Sol and I both crowded around the table on tippy toes to see the glass better. The glass on the table was just a regular glass cup, but it was filled to the brim with water. A single green leaf that I recognized from the tree in our yard sat afloat at the top._

_“Watch carefully.” Uncle said, and placed both hands around the cup, but not touching it. I felt Uncle activate his nen that was so much stronger than ours, and suddenly, the water moved, overflowing from the top to rush down the side. Sol and I both jumped backwards as the water splashed to where we were just standing._

_Uncle chuckled, “This is called water divination. Activate your Ren that we learned last week and what happens will determine what you specialize in.” Uncle explained._

_We both stared at the water with gleaming eyes, excited to try._

_Sol went first. Though I was the older sister by about 10 minutes, Sol was better than me at everything. He activated his Ren almost immediately, and I could feel the aura around him already almost twice as strong as mine, despite us starting our nen lessons at about the same time. Sol was a genius. And I was a proud sister._

_I stared hard at the water, and not long after he started, I could see that there were things appearing in the water. I moved closer to get a better look. Was it...sand?_

_Sol relaxed his aura and opened his eyes to stare with me and Uncle at the water._

_“Ohh. It seems like young master Sol is a conjurer.” Uncle concluded, reaching into the water to scoop out the impurities._

_A conjurer! Sol turned to me with gleaming eyes while we smiled stupidly at each other._

_“Now it is Miss Luna’s turn.” Uncle smiled, pushing the glass to me._

_I frowned, but was determined. Mirroring what Sol had done earlier, I tried my best to activate my Ren. It didn’t come as easily for me, and it was only after about a minute when I finally felt my aura appear around me. Like this, I concentrated hard for as long as I could, scared that if I opened my eyes, nothing would have changed in front of me._

_Sol gasped next to me and I blinked my eyes open. In front of me, the water had risen out of the cup, but not overflowing like Uncle’s had. It rose up and up until the thick water droplets broke free from the cup, from the water blob until dozens of water droplets floated upwards. The droplets sometimes dipped, sometimes rose, all in a slow, languid flow, as if they were dancing._

_“My word…” Uncle murmured, “A specialist!”_

_I had been smiling stupidly at Sol again when I broke away to look up to my Uncle. What I saw on Uncle’s face made me pause, as if I had been running towards a hug only to trip and fall flat on my face._

_Uncle’s eyes were wide. Not scared wide. Not anything like that. A crooked smile was plastered on his lips. And then there was something in his eyes. An expression, a feeling, I had never seen before._

_I turned back to look at Sol and our eyes met again. He had seen Uncle’s expression too. And I could tell that uncomfortable feeling that was rolling around in my stomach was tumbling around in his too._

_The water droplets plopped back down to the table when my aura receded and Sol took my hand. He pulled me towards him, and then behind him, putting himself between Uncle and I. I could only clutch at his sleeve._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hisoka finds her instead and Luna agrees to a three month agreement.

I woke with a start, my vision swimming with the van door open, bloodied hands reaching out to pull me into the pitch black darkness inside. 

I hugged myself, fingernails biting into my upper arms to remind myself that I was still in bed. I was still in the temporary house I had rented short term in the small town of Blumine. I was safe. 

“You poor thing~” A voice came from the wall. 

I immediately wrapped nen around me like pulling on a well-worn, invisible jacket and was on my feet on the opposite side of the room, the blankets discarded on the floor. I always had a habit of keeping a night light on for fear of the absolute dark, but the small bulb could barely reach, illuminating only a dark silhouette that had previously been part of the wall. 

The silhouette was familiar. Tall, broad shoulders smoothing into a thin waist. I didn’t recognize it, but it was familiar somehow. My first thought was my hired assassin, Illumi Zoldyck, but the assassin was more slender. This man’s shoulders were much broader. And the voice, the voice was completely different. It was low, silky, and dangerously addicting. I had never heard this voice before, yet there was an unsettling feeling that I had. 

“ _Kneel._ ” I commanded with my kotodama nen. 

The silhouette stiffened, the man letting out a sound of surprise before obediently falling to his knees. 

“ _Oh my~_ You are _much_ stronger now when you’re not filled with drugs.” The man said. I couldn’t see his face, but somehow the inflection made me think he was smiling. 

Drugs? I stomped over, whisking out a dagger from underneath my pillow. With the point unsheathed and aimed at the man’s neck, I flared, “Are you one of the kidnappers with Erik?”

“If I said no, would you believe me?” He asked coyly, his voice lilting. 

I blinked. Despite being right next to him, his face was still shadowed over. I could only make out that he was indeed kneeling on the floor. Not taking my eyes off the man, I backed up slowly to the light switch. Feeling around the wall, I found only the smooth expanse of the wall. Tsking, I turned to look and found the switch slightly lower than where I was feeling for. When the overhead lights switched on, they blinded me for a second, and then I was being slammed backwards onto the closed door.

He had a hand wrapped around my neck, lifting me up just enough for my toes to still graze the ground. The dagger was now in his hands. He tossed it up and then caught it easily as it came back down. I grabbed onto the hand at my throat to ease the pressure on my neck. 

My midnight assailant had pink hair that was spiked upwards out of his face, revealing a set of amber eyes that seemed to hold an entire circus carnival within them. A star and teardrop decorated his cheeks, and he wore clothes with patterns of the card suits on them. 

Hisoka. This was the man that I had…

“I heard you were looking for me~” He smiled, still tossing the dagger around. 

My nen flared as I opened my mouth to command him to let me go, but the hand that was on my neck shifted and my lips were suddenly sealed. 

I made angry protesting sounds, fingers prying at his unmoving hands. I drew my leg back for one hard kick. My foot connected, but Hisoka didn’t even flinch; it felt like my shin hurt more than Hisoka’s knee. 

He leaned forward until he almost had his face buried into my neck. I froze. “Shhh,” he hushed, his breath against my ear and neck sending shivers down my spine, “No _nen._ Or you’ll make me want to fight you.” 

He pulled back a little to look me in the eyes, “Which does sound fun, but you’re not _ripe_ yet~” 

I glared at him and he shivered, his fingers spasming against my mouth until he was pressing hard enough to make me wince. 

“ _Ohh_ , don’t look at me with those eyes,” he moaned, “you’ll make me want to do things to you.” 

He pressed himself into me as he shoved me harder still into the wall. He was very happy with this position. And that sent another shiver down my back, but this time, with fear. He was just as the girl at the bar had described him. Bad. He was very bad. And I was regretting ever having hired Illumi to look for him. Why hadn’t I just left it alone? He had disappeared the next day, why had I bothered to go looking for him? 

“That night was _unforgettable_ ,” he cooed, grinding himself slowly against my groin, amber eyes still holding mine captive. 

I made another sound of protest, squirming away from him, but there was nowhere to go. 

“ _Ohhh,_ ” he groaned, “it feels so _good_ when you try to run.” He pressed himself harder into me and I winced. 

“Mmm,” his eyes fluttered shut, solely concentrating on the feeling of his lower half rubbing against me. 

I sobbed, squeezing my eyes shut. _Sol…_

Sol didn’t appear. Of course he hadn’t. He was probably still countries away working in his office. Last I checked, his goal had been to expand the Vermillion family to fill in the vacuum left by the Ten Dons of the mafia when they all died a few years back. When I left, he had very nearly accomplished it. The Vermillion family reigned at the top of not just the mafia, but the entire underworld community now. Father had stepped down, and with Sol in power, the Vermillion family was practically unstoppable. Of course it was. Sol is a genius. My genius twin brother. 

“Can you do her after my client pays me?” Another voice sounded. 

Illumi was sitting on the open window sill, his black hair fluttering from the night breeze. Hisoka paused his grinding. 

“Illumi, you were still here~” Hisoka cooed, smiling at the other man, “care to join in on the fun?” 

“I came to collect the payment.” Illumi said, not even blinking at the fact that his client was being sexually violated right in front of him. Of course he didn’t care. What did I seriously expect from “ _professionals_.” 

“I’m afraid you’ll have to wait,” Hisoka smiled, pulling me away from the wall and spinning me so he was holding me from behind, both of us facing Illumi now. One hand was still pressed tightly to my lips. 

He grinded himself against my butt and I squirmed and whined against his hand in protest, but his arm kept me still. Using only one hand to hold me in place, the other was free to...roam. He slid his hand up my thighs, past my stomach, to rest at my breast before cupping it and squeezing it hard enough to elicit another whimper from my mouth. All of this was done with his eyes trained on the assassin at the window sill. 

“This one is _so sweet,_ ” Hisoka drawled the word. 

Illumi was looking at me, his eyes had followed Hisoka’s hand, but his expression hadn’t changed. He watched me with pitch black eyes that seemed to lead to nowhere, and I shuddered under the intensity of his stare. 

_Sol…_

“Relations with the client is a big no-no.” Illumi finally said. His voice was flat despite the way his eyes had violated me the same way Hisoka’s hands had. 

“That’s too bad~” Hisoka set his teeth against my neck, biting down hard enough to draw blood. His tongue lapped at the wound, and every time they flicked over, I winced from the stinging pain.

He finally pulled away, blowing out a long sigh, “You taste _so sweet_.” 

“I need to collect the payment.” Illumi said again. 

Hisoka seemed to ignore him, but after another long breath out, his hold on me released and I scrambled away, clutching at my neck. 

Before I could open my mouth to command using _nen_ , both Hisoka and Illumi’s eyes flashed at me, their _nens_ bursting around them. If I wasn’t careful, the next words that came out of me would be my last. I swallowed hard. 

Hisoka lifted a finger to his lips. “No _nen_.” He smiled, “You don’t want to play with the _both_ of us, _do you_?” 

I shook my head, cold sweat beading my skin. 

“ _Good girl~_ ” Hisoka cooed. 

“Illumi,” I breathed out shakily, careful to not invite the ire of the dangerous pair, “the payment will be deposited within the day.” _If I survive long enough_...

With a nod, the assassin disappeared out the window. The other one, however, was sliding his finger along the spines of the books on my shelf. He had his back to me now; that was how little of a threat I was to him. 

I really didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I was seriously contemplating escaping through the window Illumi had gone from. It was still open, but it was on the other side of the bed, and Hisoka was closer. If I ran, I had a feeling Hisoka would enjoy chasing me down very much. What he would do when he caught me, and he most definitely would catch me, I didn’t want to think about. 

“Hisoka.” I finally said with a lump at my throat. 

He turned at the mention of his name. “Yes, _my doll?_ ”

I tried not to wince at the pet name. “Um, as you know,” I began, running my tongue over my lips to wet them, “I was drugged. I actually don’t remember much about what happened that night…” 

He stepped towards me and the words got caught in my throat. He was still smiling, but his eyes were dull. 

“Shall I remind you?” He whispered, backing me into the wall again. I was really hating this. 

I pressed both palms against his chest to keep him away, to maintain what little distance was left between us. That distance shrunk with every step he took closer, invading into me yet again. He practically towered over me at his height of well over 6 feet. I was only 5’4”. He seemed to enjoy using his height to loom over me, as if that was very fun for him. It probably was. 

“A fun little _refresher course_ , perhaps?” His fingers slid from my cheek into my hair, tangling into the strands. 

“Stop!” I cried, shoving as hard as I could now, but without nen, “I don’t mean that! I just meant, if I had done something to force you, I wanted to apologize!” 

He paused, the hand frozen in my hair, “You...paid for Illumi to find me because you thought you raped me and wanted to _apologize_?” He asked, a slender brow lifting and his lips curling into laughter. 

He stepped away and laughed, not his disturbing laugh, but a full out, side-splitting laugh that ignited my cheeks, burning what little self dignity I had left. I was angry at being made fun of, but I couldn’t quite stay angry at the sight of his genuine laughter, even if I was its target. 

“It’s not my fault I can’t remember anything…” I muttered under my breath; even I thought I sounded petty, “It’s that stupid drug…” 

When he had finally recovered enough to speak, he flopped down lazily onto my bed, making himself comfortable. “Well then,” he smiled, laughter still painted on the creases next to his eyes, “How are you going to make it up to me?” 

I bit my lip, the nerves coming back again. “I can...pay you?” 

He rolled his amber eyes up to me, “I don’t need money. And if you did pay me, what would that make me? A prostitute?” 

My cheeks flared again. I couldn’t seem to stay in control around this man. I shook my head. 

“What...do you need, then?” I asked hesitantly, knowing I wasn’t going to like the answer. 

His lips curled, “What do you think?” 

I shook my head. “I’ll give you whatever you want so long as it’s not sexual or involves someone getting hurt.” 

He chuckled, and I found that I liked that sound very much. He had one of the prettiest voices I had ever heard. 

“That’s no fun~” Hisoka fake whined, but he seemed to be deep in thought as he thought of what to make me do. I was also wracking my brain thinking of things he might make me do that were equally as bad if not worse than the limitations I had set. 

Hisoka’s eyes lit up, and I was nervous again, “Let’s do this. You see, I have a bit of a problem~” He began, “I get bored so easily~ So, I want you to entertain me to the best of your ability. Yess...how does six months sound?” 

I chewed on my lips, considering his offer. It sounded innocent enough. “Three months,” I negotiated, “and nothing sexual or hurting anyone.” 

“Three months. I won’t make you hurt anyone and I won’t do anything sexual to you _so long as you don’t want it,_ ” he corrected. 

I pursed my lips, considering the new offer. I wasn’t planning on doing anything with him, so it should be okay. I nodded slowly. 

Hisoka’s lips pulled into an almost cruel smile, “I look forward to your company, _my doll._ ” 

♠♥♣♦

_“Again.”_

_I shook my head, dropping the whip in my hand as if it had burned me. I turned tearful eyes to Uncle, whose lips were pressed into a hard line, one gloved hand on his cane._

_“Again.” He repeated._

_A bloodied man knelt in front of me, silent, even his breath was inaudible, but his eyes were deafening. Sapphire eyes pierced into me, unwavering, despite the sheer number of people in this room. Sol stood behind me, along with Father, his guards, and a few other familiar faces that I see occasionally. Yet, the man kneeling in front of me had his eyes glued to me. As if in this large ornate room, there existed only the two of us._

_“Luna.” Father’s voice sounded from behind, and I flinched. I couldn’t remember the last time I had heard Father’s voice. The inflection made me want to run somewhere to hide. Almost involuntarily, my eyes met Sol’s._

_His face was expressionless, just like Father’s, just like the line of people behind me, watching, and suddenly I couldn’t look at him anymore._

_“Again.” Uncle repeated, firmer this time. He had picked up the whip, and was holding it out to me._

_I took it with trembling hands._

_The man in front of me still had his eyes on me. His lips were relaxed, his brows smooth. If it hadn’t been for the fact that both his hands were tied behind his back, and there was a bright red line drawn from his shoulder diagonally down to his hip, courtesy of me, I would have imagined he was simply sitting there, studying a particularly interesting book or other._

_“Again!”_

_I flinched, raising the whip._

_The man’s eyes followed my arm up, but he didn’t pull away. He simply watched, and when my arm froze in midair, his sapphire eyes shifted back to meet mine._

_I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it!_

_The whip dropped with a loud_ thunk _and I fell to my knees with tears on my face. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I can’t do it!” I cried, “Why does he have to be tortured like this?!”_

_“Miss Luna.” Uncle came to my side, “This man is here because of you.”_

_Uncle continued, “He was a lower member of the Vermillion family, but he was caught passing information to other families.”_

_“He is a spy.” Uncle walked towards the kneeling man._

_“And thus, his original fate,” Uncle yanked back on the man’s hair, pulling him taut, “was to_ die _.”_

_“However,” he continued, “Miss Luna, in order to harden your soft heart, this man now has a use.” Uncle’s nen surged to the hand that he had in the man’s hair._

_“Uncle!” I cried, begging, squeezing my eyes shut. I had seen Uncle pop someone’s head just like that before. The nen had gathered at Uncle’s hands, and then the head had simply disappeared, leaving the body to plop back down onto the ground. There hadn’t even been a large enough solid piece left for me to call a head. I would never forget Uncle’s gloved hands covered in so much red...so much meat. As if he had just been making a bloody beef patty..._

_The man’s breath caught in his throat from the strained angle Uncle was pulling on his head. He was still breathing. I blinked away the tears and the memories from before, scrubbing the rest of it off._

_“Miss Luna,” Uncle continued, the nen still gathered at his hand, “if you can not prove that you can harden your heart to complete the task asked of you by the family, then I will kill this man. And the next man that we bring to you. And the next one after that. If you cannot whip this man, then he will die.”_

_“If I whip him, can you let him live?” I choked out._

_“That is not up to you, Miss Luna.”_

_The man’s breath was still ragged, but he had turned his sapphire eyes back to mine again._

_“I’m sorry.” I whispered to the man, barely audible, “Please forgive me. Please…”_

_I gripped the handle of the whip hard, until the abrasive metal bit into my palms. How I would rather they turn the whip onto me instead. Perhaps it would hurt me less. But they would not. No one has ever hurt me before. The maid that had accidentally spilled hot tea on me had disappeared. I don’t know if they had fired her or if they had killed her. No one would tell me._

_I raised the whip up and brought it down with a sharp crack._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day living with Hisoka. Queue the sexy time~ 🍋🍋🍋 With curry. Is curry sexy?

Hisoka flipped through another page as he lounged horizontally on my couch. He had his hair down and the star and teardrop undrawn as he lay there in nothing but a half-open sleeping robe. _My_ sleeping robe, I might add. 

It was morning. I had woken up this morning and Hisoka was already on the couch, reading my first book. Where he had slept, when he had taken a shower, I had no idea. I wasn’t even quite sure how I had managed to fall asleep last night, considering the situation. 

Sitting at the dining table, I had made enough tea, eggs, and toast for two, but Hisoka hadn’t moved. He seemed engrossed in the book, his face unusually blank. He flipped another page. 

“Hisoka,” I called awkwardly. Amber eyes slid sideways to me. 

“Would you like to have breakfast with me?” I asked with a polite smile. Despite what he had done yesterday, he had given me his promise not to do anything to me. If I was going to spend three months with him, then I may as well enjoy it. 

He replied with his own smile and it sent the little butterflies in my empty stomach tumbling. He was really attractive when he didn’t have his hair spiked up and his makeup on, though that was a different kind of attractive. Hell, Hisoka was attractive period. He made Erik look like a squid. 

Sitting up, he placed the book he was reading face down on the couch to hold his place while he sauntered over, the sash of his-- _my_ robe falling open. I quickly averted my eyes, but he didn’t seem to care, though he definitely noticed. 

He sat across from me where I had placed his plate and tea mug. The table hid his lower region, so I could finally concentrate on my eggs and toast. 

He took a sip of the green tea first, then made a face and chuckled. “ _My doll_ , you really need to make better tea.” 

I was reminded again of how much I liked his voice. And his laugh. And his face. 

“I’m new at it,” I defended, “I know I suck. Why don’t you teach me next time then?” 

His lips curled upwards mischievously. “I can most certainly teach you how to _suck_.” He said with a lazy grin. 

My face lit up while I stabbed at the egg. “Tea!” I emphasized, “I know I suck at making _tea_ and I would like you to teach me how to make _tea!_ ” I rephrased everything. God! He was always making everything sexual!

He chuckled again, “You’re adorable, _my doll_.” 

I finished everything in record time. It seemed that despite my best efforts trying to relax around him, he made me hyper aware of him (or maybe I was doing that to myself?) Either way, I couldn’t keep sitting there across from him. I gathered the cutlery, but before I could get up, he stabbed the last bit of egg white off his plate with a fork and lifted it towards me expectantly. 

I stared at him. 

“For you, _my doll_.” He smiled, pointing the forked egg at me from across the table. 

My cheeks blossomed again. 

“I’m good.” I mumbled, but his hand was still there, waiting. He really wasn’t going to let this go. 

Leaning forward, I opened my mouth to eat the egg, but he pulled the fork backward, baiting me closer. I closed my mouth and gave him a look. 

He chuckled again, “Come take it.” 

Mustering up all the self dignity I had left, I crossed my arms. “You’re just playing with me.” I accused. 

“ _My doll_ , I will _always_ play with you.” He wiggled the fork at me. 

I frowned at him. He wanted to play? Fine, two can play. 

“ _Freeze_.” I commanded with my _nen_ , smirking at him as his hand went stiff, his eyes a fraction wider. 

I sauntered over and plopped myself onto his lap with a wide smile. “ _Feed me._ ” I commanded. 

He recovered himself quickly, and was smiling again, amused, when his hand moved to deposit the egg into my open, waiting mouth. I gave him a childish _hmph_ before sauntering off proudly with the empty plates, releasing my _nen_ as I set down the dishes into the sink with a noisy clatter. 

I hadn’t realized he’d moved until he had his arms wrapped around me. Hisoka pulled me to his chest from behind while I was wetting a sponge. I jumped and the sponge plopped to the counter, splattering me with water and soap. My heart was in my throat. 

“ _My doll_ , if you keep playing with me like that, I’m going to want to play back.” He cautioned, breathing into my ear. “And as much as I would enjoy spending the day _rolling around_ with you on your lovely bed, I have a previous engagement that I must attend to today.” Hisoka continued, setting his lips on my neck, nibbling at the delicate skin. My knees almost buckled, but I had a death grip on the sink counter that kept me barely upright, my moans trapped safely behind mashed lips. 

“S-sexual!” I managed to sputter, referring to the fact that he promised he wouldn’t do anything sexual to me. 

His lips curled against my over sensitized neck. “This doesn’t count as sexual, _my doll_. If I was being sexual, believe me, _you would know_.” He ground himself into my butt to punctuate his point. “This is _punishment_ because a certain misbehaving _toy_ wants to _play_ ~” Hisoka breathed into my neck. “You can _hardly_ blame me.” He said, before biting down hard on the bend of my neck, drawing an involuntary gasp from my lips. 

Before I could fight back, he untangled himself from me and disappeared into another room, leaving me wobbly and breathless on the kitchen floor. 

♠♥♣♦

_I had been taking lessons at home from countless teachers on subjects from math, science, and history, to sword fighting, horseback riding, and nen. So when I turned 14, there really was no need for me to go to school as I had been taught the equivalent of a high school graduating senior._

_But here I was, sitting alone at my desk while my classmates streamed in through the door in their already-established groups, while they chattered about mundane things I didn’t know the first thing about. Why Sol wasn’t put in the same class as me despite us being twins, I hadn’t the faintest clue. Perhaps because of class size? Or maybe this was another one of Uncle’s training methods. I admit I had a tendency of relying on Sol a bit too much for my own good._

_“Class, we have a very special new student!” The teacher gushed while everyone settled down._

_30 pairs of eyes suddenly bore into me, and I found myself wishing I could fight 30 trained professionals instead. Surely this was a form of torture?_

_“Why don’t you introduce yourself?” The teacher said to me expectantly with an overzealous smile._

_I stood. Yes, this is torture. But I would not be looked down on. Straightening my back, I tried to imagine what Sol would have done, and then copied him as best I could._

_“My name is Luna Vera.” I said, surprised my voice came as steadily as it had. I even braved a small smile. “My family recently moved to the area,” I recited our ‘alibi’, “It is an honor to be here.”_

_No one said anything. Was I supposed to say more? My brave front faltered as I stood there, feeling it crumble to pieces underneath the scrutiny of 30 pairs of eyes._

_The teacher finally spoke up, “Well! Class! Please get along with Ms. Luna!”_

_My hand was trembling when I lowered myself back to my seat. Clenching my fists, I dug my fingernails into my palms, just short of drawing blood._

_I will be brave._

♠♥♣♦

It was well into the night and thanks to a sudden burst of inspiration that demanded it be let on the page, I was slaving away on my laptop despite feeling like I might keel over at any second. Despite my fatigue, the story was practically writing itself, my fingers flying over the keys as if they were possessed. And perhaps they were. Surely it isn’t a far cry to imagine that a certain muse had bespelled my hands, using me as her vessel, if _nen_ was real? 

♣♣♣

_Tears spilled down her cheeks and she lowered the dagger in her hand. She could not do it. Despite what the villain had done to her, how he had betrayed her, how much he had hurt her, with full intent of cruelty, she could not bring herself to drive the dagger home. Home it was. Right here. She lay her palm over the villain’s heart while he watched her with a cruel smile on his lips. This, was her home._

_“I knew you wouldn’t be able to.”_

_She lay trembling lips to the villain’s while he lay underneath her, perfectly still, perfectly unmoved, and she turned the dagger to herself._

♣♣♣

“I would have killed him.” 

I jumped in the seat, letting out an unattractive sound that I immediately wished hadn’t come out. 

“Hisoka!” I cried, my heart still beating at my throat, “You scared the living bejesus out of me!” 

He smiled, amused. I hadn’t seen him all day after leaving in the morning. Since he hadn’t come back for dinner, I assumed he wasn’t coming back today. Yet there he sat, with a lollipop bulging in his cheek. 

I closed the laptop shut and gave him a frown, “Tell me that’s not your dinner.” 

He shrugged, pulling the lollipop out with a wet smack before rolling it to the other cheek. And I sighed. 

“I made curry.” I said, heading towards the kitchen and he trailed along behind me like a hungry puppy. No, he didn’t actually look like one, though the thought made me smile. 

I had set the rice cooker to ‘Keep Warm’ and I was glad to find that the rice was indeed still warm. Scooping the last of the rice into a plate, I turned on the stove to heat up the curry sauce. 

Hisoka wrapped his arms around me again, his lollipop mysteriously gone. It reminded me of this morning’s events and my cheeks were once again hot. 

“You made enough for two.” Hisoka whispered into my ear, “Were you waiting for me?” 

I blushed harder, which I didn’t think was possible. I hadn’t expected him to notice. “N-No.” I lied, “it was for myself. Just in case I get hungry later.” 

Hisoka hummed and I could tell there was a grin on his face despite having my back to him. I shook him off to retrieve a soup ladle so I could stir the curry. 

He leaned against the counter on the side, lazily watching me work. “I hope the curry doesn’t taste like your green tea.” 

I flashed him a glare, but my cheeks were too hot for the glare to be taken seriously. That elicited a chuckle from him and my face burned hotter. 

“Fine, if you don’t want to eat it, then I’ll eat it.” I huffed, scooping hot curry onto the plated rice. With a _humph_ , I turned to set it on the dining table and sat down to shovel curry into my mouth. On the second spoonful, Hisoka caught my chin and his lips found mine. His tongue came in swiftly, fighting me for the curry in my mouth. 

Shoving him away with a wail, I shot up off the chair, turning tearful, humiliated eyes at the playboy who was busy licking his lips at me. 

“Mmm, _tasty_.” He flashed me another smile. 

I hightailed it out of the kitchen and retreated to the safety of my bedroom, slamming the door shut. 

OH MY _GOD_ it’s _curry_! How can he be so shameless?! God that’s so embarrassing! Agh I want to dig a hole, crawl in it and _die!_ I buried my face in my hands, kicking my feet. 

Hisoka came in later, after I had thoroughly brushed my teeth _twice_ , just to get rid of any smell of curry. I was already in bed, blankets pulled up to my cheeks and curled into a ball as I always did when I slept. The bed moved and I scrambled up, very nearly fell off the side of the bed. 

“Hisoka! What are you doing?!” I yelled in panic. 

“I thought you might be lonely, so I’m keeping you _company_ tonight.” He smiled. 

“Go sleep in the guest room!” I clutched at the covers to cover my chest. I was wearing a t-shirt, but it was really thin. I wasn’t wearing a bra right now so I knew how my chest looked. 

“Don’t be so cold~” Hisoka made a face like he had his feelings hurt. His hand wrapped around my arm, and I was suddenly laying on his chest. His very _bare_ chest, I might add. 

“Hisoka!” I cried, struggling to move away, but his arms held me in place. 

“We’ve already slept together, what’s there to be shy about?” He pressed more of himself into me, and I realized he had stripped off everything. I was only wearing panties, so my bare thigh touched his…! I jerked away my lower body. 

“I-I don’t remember anything that happened, so it doesn’t count!” I argued. 

“Hmm, I’m usually pretty unforgettable. I like to leave a _deep_ impression,” he frowned. “Well then, I better _help you remember_.” He flipped us so that he was on top of me. 

“ _S-Stop!_ ” I commanded with my _nen_ , my eyes squeezed shut. Hisoka froze, but I could feel him fighting against my nen. He was so strong, I could barely hold him in place. I thought this before, but I had never met someone I couldn’t control with my nen. The last time, and this time too. Just who was this man?

“ _My doll,_ you really do know how to _rile me up_!” He moaned, and I felt my hold slip. He was already fighting to the point I couldn’t control his speech. I concentrated harder. 

He groaned, and with one last push, he was freed. His hand flew to my lips, and once again, my mouth was sealed. I expected him to hold his hand there, but he only grazed his hand past my lips before bringing them back to prop himself up on top of me. I was going to command him to get off, but I couldn’t open my mouth!

I protested, making ‘ _Mmm!’_ noises yelling into my own closed lips and squirming when I realized I couldn’t move parts of my body as well even though there was nothing there. I turned wide eyes up to Hisoka, who was watching me struggle, amused. 

“Normally I’d love to hear your lovely moans, but...your lips are a bit...too _exciting_ .” He lay butterfly kisses from my chin down my neck to my collarbone. “I might accidentally _break_ you, so you understand, right?” 

I squirmed some more. I most certainly did _not_ understand! 

His hands pulled at the collar of my t-shirt as he made his way down. I yelled into my closed mouth, but it was too late. The thin fabric tore, and just like the state I had found my other set of clothes at the bar, my favorite sleeping t-shirt fell in pieces onto the floor. I whimpered, still devastated about my t-shirt when his hands found my panties. With a cry, I bucked my hips in angry protest, but his fingers pulled aside the fabric, and pierced into me, probing for my sweet spot before he found it. I froze, my body pulled taut by the shock of pleasure from his rough insertion. 

I whimpered, blinking tearful eyes up at Hisoka. 

“Aauhh!” He moaned as he watched my face, “You make me want to--” 

His lips crashed into mine. Whatever was covering my mouth was gone. His lips took its place as his tongue forced its way in the same way it had done before. We fought for the breath between us and I caught the scent of strawberries and bubble gum again. How can he still smell like that after showering at my house even though none of my products were strawberry gum flavored? Did he bring his own? I hadn’t seen any. Or did he just naturally smell like that? 

He finally drew away, leaving me breathless. 

“Hisoka…” I breathed, helpless underneath him. It was unexplainable, the effect this man had on me. He was dangerous. Probably even more so than any of the “professionals” that the Vermillion family had hired. The number of people he’s killed probably exceeded even Uncle’s. He was clearly a player from the way he acts and the things he says. Yet...I couldn’t explain the attraction that I felt towards this man. The way my body constantly reacts to him, to how I can’t seem to get him out of my mind… 

“My Luna…” He breathed back, a strangely serious expression taking the place of his usual smile. I think that was the first time he’s ever called my name...

His amber eyes swam with need as he lifted my legs up and positioned himself between my thighs. In one swift motion, he drove himself into me, drawing a scream from my lips. My fingers clenched the bedsheet, not being able to move them still. 

“Hisoka!” I cried as he set a hard rhythm between us, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filling the room. 

“P-Please!” I cried in between the rhythmic pounds, “My-- Hisokaa!..Ah! My hands!” 

My fingers were clenching and unclenching in frustration. I wanted to touch him, to feel him, to hold him!

Hisoka smiled down at me and there were already tears in my eyes as I already knew his answer when he said, “Sorry dear, but watching you cry like this is so--” He squeezed his eyes shut and rammed into me harder, finding an even faster pace than before. 

I screamed louder, my moans filling the room along with the dirty wet sounds my lower body was making each time he thrust his way in. 

“Hisokaa!” I begged again, “Please! Ah! I want to-- ah! Hold you!” 

He only pounded harder, his eyebrows knitting in concentration. 

“Hisokaa!” I begged, calling again. 

I don’t know how many times I called his name before my hands were finally freed. I reached to wrap my arms around his neck, drawing him down so that our torsos were almost flush against each other. I cried into his neck and I felt the breaths of exertion against my own. 

Wrapping an arm around my waist, he lifted me up until we were both upright on the bed. I wrapped my legs around his waist as his fingers dug into the skin on my hips. The angle was shallower, but the gravity made it so that each thrust was harder as he slammed upwards into me, sending delicious waves of pleasure tingling from my sweet spot up my spine. I held onto him for dear life as he pounded into me, using me as a sex doll for his pleasure. I held on because there was nothing I could do except to hold on. 

He fucked me until I became light headed from orgasming one too many times. 

“Hi-Hisokaa…” His name dribbled from my lips. I could barely say his name anymore, my stamina long spent while he continued the same monstrous pace as before. He had already cummed into me multiple times. It had already been so many times and so long that I was starting to lose count. Perhaps his fourth or fifth time? 

I was on my back again, staring up at him in a daze as he moved, his muscles glistening with sweat as they strained underneath his skin. I followed the expanse up to his neck, past his perfectly defined jawline to his face. His handsome face that I could even go as far as to call beautiful… 

I stretched an arm that barely reached his chin, my fingertips grazing him. He opened his eyes and gazed down at me. His lips pulled into another smile, and I smiled back. Following my fingers, he bent over closer so I could reach. Propping myself up and forcing him to pause, I pressed my lips to his. I wasn’t thinking about anything, simply the fact that I wanted to kiss him. And so I did. 

The kiss was gentle. He was still while I closed the distance between us, my lips pressing against his softly again and again, from his lower lip to his upper, to his jaw line. All the while, he was utterly still, watching me as I laid kiss after kiss. 

When I finally pulled away, I was already hazy from it all. Plopping back down, I smiled up at him, meeting his burning amber eyes with my own. 

“Uhht!” he groaned and suddenly injected me again with another splurt of warm, hot cum. I flinched as he buried himself as deep as he could reach into me, filling me completely. 

When he had finally deposited the last of his seed, he lowered himself to me and kissed me again, gentler this time. If he kissed me earlier as if he were a starving man having his first meal, he was kissing me now as a sated man, as if he were grateful.

His muscular arms wrapped around me and arranged me so that I was resting my head on his shoulder, our bodies tangled around each other. The blanket was on the floor; and usually I couldn’t sleep without the comforting weight of the blanket over me, but today that wasn’t necessary. Hisoka was warmer than the blanket anyway. 

♠♥♣♦

_Usually I ate lunch with Sol. It was the only reprieve in the entire day when we could finally be together. But today, Sol had asked some guy from his class to pass me the message that he was going to eat with his group mates so that they could discuss and work on their project._

_Our bento box packed by the maids sat in front of me, unopened. All around me, my classmates rearranged their tables so that they could sit in groups to eat, while others ate in the courtyard with friends. Outside, boys who had either already inhaled their lunch or had foregone it all together played soccer and basketball, their shouts drifting through the open window next to me._

_I stood and left the room. I couldn’t be there for another second._

_Wandering around the school, I found myself heading upwards for no particular reason. I climbed the stairs flight after flight until there was no more floors to go except the roof. Completely on a whim, I tested the door knob to see if the roof was accessible, and found it unlocked._

_The sound of laughter and voices drifted through the door, and I stopped, not wanting to interrupt. Turning around to leave, the voices sounded again, and this time, I recognized one of them._

_Sol!_

_Twisting the knob, I pushed the door open a crack to see Sol with a girl. It wasn’t a group of people, but rather just two. Just Sol and a girl with curly black hair that fell to her mid back. I froze._

_Groupmates for a project huh?_

_The girl fed Sol a bite of food from her lunch, giggling as Sol ate it with a smile. He whispered something into her ear, and she giggled again before giving his shoulder a playful push. His arms circled around her waist as he pulled her closer._

_I ran._

_Down the stairs, one floor flying past the next. I was out the school gates past the security guard yelling after me and still it wasn’t far enough._

_I didn’t understand why I was running. But my feet moved in a whirl underneath me. I usually hated running, but today I ran like I had become one with the wind. The more I ran, the faster my legs moved, the quieter the voice screaming inside my head became._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🍋 Hisoka morning sex~ 🍋 The past comes calling. Horrible birthdays. (Sorry, I'm trying not to spoil anything with these summaries)

I woke to Hisoka playing with my hair. He had a few strands between his fingers as he twirled them and rubbed them together. His amber eyes flicked upwards when he noticed that I had woken. His lips curled. 

“Good morning, _my doll_.” He drew the word. He was back to calling me his doll. I faintly remembered that he had called me by my name last night. 

I flashed him a tired smile, “Morning, Hisoka.” I moved to sit up, but found my entire body one aching knot. I winced and groaned, sitting up tentatively.

“I’m glad you remember this time~” Hisoka sat up with me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me back into him. 

I was too tired and too hurt to come up with a comeback. Leaning back into him, I relaxed as he moved my hair to one side to nibble at my bare neck. 

“Hisoka…” I moaned in protest. He hummed his reply with his lips locked onto my neck while he drew the delicate flesh into his mouth. It was only the morning and despite last night’s session, I could feel that he was ready for another round. 

I shuddered. “Hisoka!” I protested more firmly. He could go for another round, but I would most definitely not make it. Not to mention, last night had proven that Hisoka’s “rounds” could last hours. He’s going to kill me at this rate. Was that even possible? Dying from being overfucked? 

“I can’t…!” I wailed, squeezing his hand that was already prying open my thighs. 

“I think you can.” Hisoka said, rubbing his fingers over my swollen clit. 

“Hisoka!” I cried, pushing harder at his hands, but he wasn’t listening. 

“ _Stop!_ ” I commanded using nen. I couldn’t recall the last time I had used nen so often. Probably when Uncle was still training us? 

I wriggled out of Hisoka’s frozen grasp quickly while his lips curled from amusement, or maybe it was the thrill of the hunt. I was starting to notice a pattern, and I was almost certain that he would attack me the moment he was free of my nen. But… The alternative was to get eaten on the spot. Between one hard place and another…

I escaped into the bathroom and locked the door solidly behind me. Hopefully that would deter him long enough to get over his libido. Fat chance. The moment I felt him break free from my nen, he was already at the door, and...well, the door never stood a chance. I ran into the shower room hoping he wouldn’t chase me this far, but my hopes were dashed once again when he slid the door open and stepped into me. 

“Hisoka!” I cried, but he was already coming. 

“I told you not to run,” Hisoka warned, “Now look at what you’ve done~ You’ve gotten me all _excited_.” 

I changed tactics. “Hisoka, wait!” I cried, backing into the cramped tiled wall, “I’m sorry for using nen, I’m sorry!” I said quickly. 

He leaned into me amused, again, while he watched me come up with excuses why he shouldn’t jump me. 

I continued while I still could, “I’m going to die,” I whined. “You’re seriously going to kill me if you keep going. Please? Not now? I’ll make you food?” 

“Tempting, but I would much rather snack on you~” He placed his hands on my hips and stepped under the water with me, pressing himself against me again to prove that I hadn’t dissuaded his lower half in the least. If anything, had it gotten harder?

“Please!” I begged, “You’re going to break--”

He flipped me around easily until he had me facing the wall with him behind me. He lifted my leg and I was forced to balance myself against the wall on the other leg. His finger forced its way in and I was once again moaning at the feeling of his fingers working inside of me. He was pleasuring me, but the way his finger moved made it so that he was scooping out his cum, and they fell to the shower floor in thick globs. 

“My _doll_ , if you’re going to break,” he repositioned himself, “then _break_!” Hisoka buried himself into me again, and each thrust forced out dribbles of the cum that he had deposited into me last night. My moans echoed back at me to join his audible moans of pleasure. His fingers dug into my thighs and I cried louder for him, which in turn made him thrust harder into me. He drilled himself into me so hard, coupled with the fact that I was already exhausted from last night, that my knees began to buckle. He moved his hand to cover mine on the wall, and both hands were suddenly airborne, yanking me upwards suspended by something invisible. I had half a brain to question what he was doing to me, but even that half melted away when he moved. Pushing my thighs even further apart, he drove himself into me, really fucking me in earnest now. 

I had already lost the energy to scream by the time he came into me for the second time. He finally stepped away from me, letting himself slip out, his seed spilling out after. 

He was a monster. I had no doubts that this man would be the end of me. If I didn’t die now, one of these days, he was going to kill me. It was only a matter of time. 

My hands dropped as the invisible something disappeared and my knees crumpled, long having lost the energy to stand. I had been hanging upright only because of the invisible string. And now that it snapped, I collapsed. I expected to hit hard, tiled floor, but he caught me easily, picking me up and turning off the water. He carried me out of the shower room and I heard the bathtub water start to run. After a while, he lowered us into the tub, placing me on his lap and laying my head on his chest. There, I slipped into unconsciousness as the warm water beckoned me into unconsciousness again. 

♠♥♣♦

_“What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled, rushing to Jacob’s side. Jacob-- at least I think that was his name-- lay groaning on the floor, sporting a freshly broken nose._

_Sol stood glaring down at him. He was so angry a faint aura of nen had seeped out, flowing around him like a mantle. Thankfully he hadn’t used nen when he had sent Jacob flying earlier. If he had, Jacob’s head would have exploded._

_Jacob’s friends, some guys I had started hanging out with at lunch, loitered on the side, unsure of what to do. They definitely wanted to help their friend, but Sol looked positively murderous. Even if they couldn’t sense nen, it was obvious that Sol was dangerous._

_“Help me move him to the infirmary!” I yelled at them, snapping them out of their indecisive trance. They rushed over to help Jacob sit up while flitting nervous glances at the immobile Sol as if he were a dangerous beast. Move too fast and you might draw his attention. Sandwiching Jacob between two of them, they lifted him up with an arm around each shoulder._

_I turned to follow._

_“Luna.” Sol said, his voice dripping in anger._

_I ignored him, but a hand closed around my arm like a vice. I tried to pull myself out of his grip, all while never facing my twin brother. Sol squeezed down tighter. I blew out a puff of air and I knew I was going to do something I would regret._

_“_ Let go. _” I commanded with my nen, and the arm dropped. I grit my teeth. Never have I ever used my kotodama nen on Sol. Whenever Uncle made us practice our hatsu, I always practiced on professionals hired by the family. I had never turned my kotodama nen on a member of my own family, let alone Sol._

_I arrived at the infirmary in a daze. I had felt the control I had over Sol, and that… was something I never wanted to feel again. It felt like I had turned him into a doll, into a puppet, something that had no will, could not have a will… as if I had crushed his will with my own._

_My hands paused on the door knob. I turned around despite knowing there was no one there. The hallway was empty, and the emptiness crushed something inside of me._

_Crouching into a ball, I hugged myself and cried, now truly alone for the first time in my life._

♠♥♣♦

The sound of my phone ringing woke me and I felt around the bedside table for my phone. 

Unknown. I threw my phone aside. It was probably just spam. I let it buzz on the bed. I was alone in the room. The orange haze of the sky outside told me it was probably around 5 or 6 right now. A glance at the digital clock on my bedside confirmed that it was indeed 5:45 PM. 

The buzzing stopped. 

I was naked, but the faint smell of my own shower gel and shampoo told me that I was clean, despite not remembering showering myself. The last thing I remembered was being fucked by Hisoka in the shower room. And then faintly after that, a floating sensation… Had Hisoka washed me afterward? And speaking of Hisoka, where was he?

Sitting up, I found myself strangely refreshed. I distinctly remembered feeling like I had been run over by a bus this morning, courtesy of Hisoka’s insatiable libido, but now I felt fine with the exception of a bit of soreness deep inside of me. 

The phone started buzzing again. 

With a sigh, I answered the call and placed it to my ear, waiting for the other side to speak first. 

“It’s me.” The voice said, and suddenly my throat was tighter. 

I swallowed twice before finding the voice to speak, “Sol…” 

I listened to the sound of breathing, rhythmic and calm. Familiar. Comforting. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him until now. It had almost been a year since we last spoke on the phone. Four since we’d last seen each other face to face. 

“I miss you.” I said without thinking. 

The rhythmic breathing paused, then exhaled. “I missed you too,” he answered back. I could hear the smile even though I couldn’t see him. I just knew he was smiling. I closed my eyes and pictured him. He was probably in his office, surrounded by lots of important papers. There would be his sword beside him, leaning on the table edge within arm’s reach. That’s where he always put it. Gin might be coiled somewhere in the corner of the room, taking up a huge section of the room with his sheer size. Or he could be next to the fireplace. It _was_ getting colder these days. And Sol would be pressing the receiver to his ears while he lay back on his leather office chair--

“You wired money to Illumi Zoldyck.” He said, cutting off my thoughts. And suddenly I was cold, in a way that had nothing to do with the lack of clothing and everything to do with the sinking feeling in my stomach. He was stating, not asking. 

“That’s my private account.” I said, angry despite knowing he was keeping tabs on me. I hadn’t realized he’d been able to know my personal purchases. I had paid Illumi through my private bank account with the money I get from my book royalties. Sol shouldn’t have had access to that information. It looks like I’ll need to have a word with my bank about privacy issues. 

He went silent again. This time, it was uncomfortable. I considered hanging up on him, but couldn’t quite find it in me to actually press the red button, to cut off the first connection between us in a year so mercilessly. 

He finally spoke, “I just want to check to make sure you’re alright.” 

“The tail on me isn’t enough?” I shot back a bit too icily. 

“He’s been replaced.” Sol said, the first tendrils of anger lacing into his voice. It wasn’t directed at me though. 

I wondered if he knew. About Erik, the drug, about Hisoka. He probably did. Sol had a penchant for knowing things. He kept tabs and tails on everything from his allies to his enemies alike. It was what made him so good at being a family head, at being a mafia boss, the biggest in the continent of Yorbia, actually. 

If he knew, then I wondered if Erik was still alive. Was that the reason the police couldn’t find any traces of Erik and co.? Because they were already dead? And if Sol was responsible for Erik’s “disappearance,” then what if he does something to Hisoka too? For some reason, that thought stirred the panic that had started to set in. I pulled the heavy blankets over me and that helped settle the nerves a little.

“You…” I began, unsure of what to ask. Because sometimes the questions you ask are more telling than the answers themselves. 

He let me trail off, waiting for the answers in my question. 

“How much do you know?” I asked cautiously. 

“What is there for me to know?” He turned the question around on me. I cursed him in my head. 

I was silent for too long. 

“Everything, Luna. I will know one way or another, even if I have to question every person in Blumine or go find Illumi Zoldyck myself.” Sol demanded. 

I knew I shouldn’t have asked anything. Now he knew that there was something he should be knowing. 

“I hear assassins are pretty tight-lipped on their confidentiality clause.” I tried. 

“I said I would make the trip myself, didn’t I?”

I bit down on my lip, hard. The thought of Sol and Illumi meeting absolutely terrified me. Not that Sol would find out about what happened. It wasn’t that. Illumi would probably die before he spoke a word about me. It wasn’t about defending me or anything. It was a problem of pride. And Sol...well, let’s just say I didn’t know anyone more persistent than Sol. He was like a river, always surging forward, absolutely sure of himself. If there were rocks or obstacles, he would simply move to the side, but he would always go forward. Just like how a river will always flow, Sol will always get what he wants. Or he would die trying. 

And death was very much a possibility. Sol’s ability is conjuring a guardian spiritual beast who can create a gas that can act like a truth serum. And it would probably work, if Sol was careful about how and when he used it. But, the downside of this is that it’s unable to keep the victim from not knowing what information they had just divulged. Illumi would know. And Illumi would retaliate, perhaps with the wrath of the entire Zoldyck family descending onto Sol...

It’s the classical case of when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. 

“I’ll tell you.” I finally said, “But you must promise me that no one will die or be hurt as a consequence.” 

“Luna.” Sol said, louder than usual. He was losing his temper, which was unusual. “The people who should die _will_ die.” His voice was firm. He was not to be wavered. 

I shook my head, then realized he couldn’t see it. “No,” I replied, my hand unconsciously slipping over my shoulder to touch my back, “not because of me. I won’t add another flower.” 

When I said that, Sol finally went silent. I was back to listening to him breathe. 

He sucked in his breath sharply. “I can promise that no one will _die._ ”

“No.” I said resolutely, “no one gets _hurt_.” 

“Damn it, Luna!” Sol finally yelled through the line. “I will take the entire town of Blumine!” Sol threatened, anger densely compacted into each individual word, “I don’t care if I have to murder the _entire_ Zoldyck family.”

“Sol!” I shouted back, unable to believe that my Sol, my logical Sol that used to dislike hurting anything as much as I had, had just said those words. 

Sol exhaled in an angry hiss. My eyes stung from that hollow feeling that began to permeate throughout my entire body, at the thought of who my brother had become. 

I relented. “No one can die. And don’t touch Hisoka and Illumi.” 

This was my line. The very base. 

Sol breathed in. “Talk.” 

♠♥♣♦

_Today was my birthday._

_Well, technically it was ‘yesterday’ now since I was born at 11:59PM and now today was a new day...today was Sol’s birthday._

_People were usually happy on their birthdays, buying special cakes decorated with candles, surrounded by their friends and family while they sang and celebrated the passing of another year since their birth._

_Yet, all I could think about was why the hell I had even been born._

_I shuffled in a daze to Sol’s bedroom, where I knew he would still be awake, waiting for me, despite the silence that had overtaken the entire house. His door was unlocked, but I somehow found it difficult to push open._

_I wanted to see him._ Needed _to see him, even. If I didn’t see him, I felt like I might just shatter apart, but...I didn’t know how to face him._

_Another breath, and the knob turned, the door swinging inward. Sol stood framed in the doorway, his eyes unreadable, as always. It didn’t used to be like this. Our eyes used to be identical. I could always tell what he was thinking, and he mine. Yet…_

_Sol reached for me and pulled me to his chest. His hands carefully avoided my back, pulling me at the shoulders even though the positioning was awkward._ He knew… 

_Whatever was filling my heart overfilled from my eyes and Sol caught it all with his shirt. Silently, he pulled me into his room and closed the door shut with a soft click._

_Sitting me at the side of his bed, he reached for my night robe. His hands paused at the lapel, his eyes asking for permission. When I gave no response, he pulled the robe off of my back slowly, so very carefully. His fingers worked efficiently at the buttons on my pajama until the front fell open and he repositioned himself behind me. Moving my hair out of the way, he carefully peeled away my pajama that had begun to stick to my moistened back. When my top was completely bare and my back was revealed to him, I heard him suck in a breath of air through his teeth._

_We sat there for a long time as he stared at the bloody picture on my back. It was an unfinished tattoo of a riverbank. What wasn’t finished were the spider lily flowers at the riverside. There were 15 flowers right now, one for each person I had just killed tonight. Tonight was my first time killing someone. It was really only a miracle I had lasted this long before dirtying my hands. Before, Sol had secretly taken every unforgiving task the family had handed me. But yesterday night… yesterday night was my birthday, the very exact minute I was born. And during that exact moment, I was a specialist whose nen ability allowed me to play god. The 15 people I had killed I had never seen before. They were on the opposite side of the continent, perhaps sleeping, and I had made the building they slept in collapse and crush them. That was the nature of my ability. So long as it is in the realm of the possible, so long as the words came from my lips, it would happen exactly as I said it would. I could cause an earthquake that leveled half the continent if I wished to. Thankfully, it was only 15 lives I had taken. But it was also 15. 15 people who would never breathe to see today, to see Christmas._

_“Gin.” Sol said softly, and his guardian spiritual beast conjured behind him. Gin was a silver snake with shining red eyes whose scentless gas that it produced could be anything from poison to an all-cure medicine._

_Gin slithered forward, his cold scales grazing against my arm as he wrapped around. I knew the gas was coming from his mouth, but as usual, I couldn’t smell or feel anything different. I only breathed, and already, the throbbing, burning pain on my back lessened with every breath._

_I smiled at the snake, my shoulders relaxing, “Thank you, Gin.” I whispered. My body was getting heavy. I wondered what effect Sol was making the gas do now._

_“Sol?” I called as I teetered backwards. Sol caught my shoulder, then repositioned himself so that I could lean on him sideways without touching anything to my back._

_“Hmm?” He replied, pulling me closer and smoothed the hair that had fallen on my face behind my ear._

_“Happy birthday.” I whispered, my eyelids heavy. Rather than heard, I felt him give a small laugh from the sudden drop of his chest._

_“Merry Christmas.” I mumbled._

_He continued to pat my hair._

_“I’m sorry…” I said, my voice breaking. He didn’t say anything._

_We continued like that until sleep filled my lungs._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cracks in the relationship. To become a boring woman. Busy errand day with Hisoka to see the orphanage. Ex boyfriend and how everything falls apart.

Sol had not been happy. When he hung up the phone, I was positive he wanted to level Blumine to the ground and hunt down Hisoka and Illumi to exact revenge, despite me telling him the played-down version of what had happened. Still, Erik and co. would probably face a fate worse than death, but at least they would be alive. And he deserved it too if they were doing this to other women. They probably were. His ‘operation’ had been too smooth to be anything but practiced. The police hadn’t been able to find them, but the Vermillion family would definitely be able to. This was perhaps the only silver lining in the entire situation. 

He hadn’t expressly said so, but he would keep his promise of leaving Hisoka and Illumi alone. Sol was many things. But he wasn’t a liar. That much I knew would never change. 

It had gotten dark during our phone call, and I stepped out into the kitchen to find that all the lights were off, the house too quiet. I smiled to myself. 

It’s only been a few days with Hisoka and I was already used to having him around. This kind of attachment wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t good. And I knew very well why…

I sighed as I sat myself down on the couch, not bothering to turn on the lights. I was still wrapped in the blanket with nothing on underneath. Now that I thought about it, it was weird how I had even left the room in this. What if Hisoka had been home? Was I really getting used to this? This life of...delirious and mind-blowing sex? Had I always been that weak to sexual advances? I hadn’t thought so… I guess I wouldn’t know. I had been a virgin until very recently. 

My stomach chose that moment to let out a pitiful growl and I laughed. Marching back into my room to put on some clothes, I threw on a comfy oversized tee and panties and headed back out to appease my stomach. I was feeling some pasta, but sadly pasta doesn’t keep very well. Hisoka’s empty plate of curry sat in the sink. He had eaten everything; not a grain of rice remained. I smiled. I went to the fridge and pulled out a bunch of vegetables and meat. I tossed rice into the rice cooker from yesterday and set out to make some stir-fried tofu with ground pork, stir-fried cabbage with garlic, and stir-fried tomato egg. Today was a stir-fried day. 

Again, I found myself making enough for two people. The rice cooker sang its little song after 55 minutes and I got everything ready, setting out the sumptuous (if I do say so myself) meal on the table. 

My chopsticks paused over my bowl. I looked at the rice. It wasn’t that I wasn’t hungry. I was. My stomach chose that moment to protest again, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten anything all day. But… I glanced at the empty plate of curry, then at the clock. It was 9:43. Hisoka should be coming home soon. It wouldn’t hurt to wait… Just a little bit! 

I shoved the dishes into the microwave to keep it warm and dumped the untouched rice back into the rice cooker. 

In the meantime, I curled myself onto the couch with a book I hadn’t gotten to read yet. 

The story so far was interesting. The premise of the story is attractive, and the characters seem to have depth, and the ones that don’t show promise of eventually developing more. The only downside, if anything, was the fact that the main character female lead didn’t seem to have a sense of self worth. She throws herself at the male lead despite what a little piece of shit he was to her. While reading, I kept wanting the female lead to just say, ‘to hell with him!’ and then leave his ass. It seems like she was getting to it anyway, so maybe the story will eventually give me that satisfactory ending later. Good story takes time to build anyway. Maybe they were prolonging the reader’s feelings of frustration so that the eventual break-up will be all the more satisfying? 

I set the book down after having reached the end of a chapter. The clock read 1:42. I wasn’t even hungry anymore. The story I just read drifted into mind again. 

Just what was the difference between me and that annoying female lead anyway? Doesn’t Hisoka treat me like shit? 

Wait. No, no. That line of thinking only works if we’re following that I was actually the female lead of my own story and Hisoka was the male… I shook my head. Nope. I can’t compare us two. It just doesn’t apply. Hisoka was...Hisoka is just… 

I’m just paying back my debt. Of making him have sex with me. This is all just… a byproduct. In three months, he’ll go back to doing what he does and I’ll be gone… traveling again by myself to write my story. We’re just passerbys. 

This isn’t a romance novel.

The door opened, and Hisoka stepped through, his lips curling at the sight of me on the couch. _Speak of the devil..._ I realized I was still in panties (albeit with a shirt on), and I darted to the bedroom to hunt for a pair of shorts. 

I came back out to find Hisoka flipping through the book that I had just been reading. 

“Did you eat?” I asked tentatively, walking to the kitchen to get the food. Passing by Hisoka, the smell of alcohol and perfume filled my nose. I stopped. 

“Only a _little_. I had a _snack_ ,” Hisoka said, seemingly thinking about something that amused him. 

An uncomfortable feeling shifted around in my stomach, but I ignored it as best I could. Flashing him a smile, I pulled the dishes out of the microwave. 

“I made food, wanna eat?” I asked. 

Hisoka looked genuinely surprised, the whites of his eyes showing a bit more than usual. He only made the face for a moment before his usual lazy smile was back.

I set the table quickly, scooping the rice last. Hisoka sat and watched me work, his chin resting on his palm, a persistent crease between his brows. I finally took a seat across from him after handing him his pair of chopsticks, which he took hesitantly. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked. 

He frowned at the food. 

“Do you not like to eat something? Or maybe something you can’t eat?” I asked. Usually, Hisoka was more talkative. It was unusual for him to be so...quiet. 

“No, it’s just unusual.” He finally said, still frowning. 

Unusual? 

Chopsticks hovered over a tofu and finally picked it up, delivering it slowly to his mouth, which he chewed and swallowed blankly. 

I waited for his reaction. I wasn’t the best cook, but I was secretly a bit proud of my cooking skills. Four years living by myself had forced me to be somewhat self-sufficient. 

He showed no reaction. His chopsticks reached for the plate of tomato egg and he broke off a piece of scrambled egg. He ate it the same way, with a blank face. 

“How is it?” I asked shyly, unable to stand the anticipation. 

Amber eyes flicked upwards. He stared at me for a moment, then slowly set down his chopsticks. 

I was genuinely scared now. Was it that bad? I looked at the food. Had it gone bad from staying in the microwave too long? I didn’t think so. 

“You waited for me.” He said. 

“Huh?”

“You waited for me to eat.” He clarified. 

Oh. 

“Ah, it just felt...a little lonely to eat by myself.” I said sheepishly. “Would you rather eat alone?” 

He looked down at the table full of food. “No.” He replied, “I don’t hate this feeling.” His lips curled upwards, his eyes following with a crinkle. Hisoka smiled a lot, but this smile felt special. It felt genuine. It felt...innocent. It felt like the Hisoka that smiled like he wore a Joker’s mask had finally peeled away a tiny section of the mask, and I was looking at the Hisoka from years ago, before he became the him now. 

I stared stupidly at him, and when he noticed, it quickly disappeared. Hisoka smiled at me, and the Joker was back. 

We ate like that, silently, the sound of chopsticks occasionally scraping against the porcelain plates. It was silent, but… it was a comfortable silence. 

♠♥♣♦

I woke to the bed being too hot, which was unusual since my body temperature was always just short of freezing. Sitting up, a pale hand flopped down off of me, and I found Hisoka naked, spooning me from behind. 

I had half a mind to be embarrassed, since I was just as bare as he was, though I distinctly remembered going to sleep alone, and with clothes on. When during the night he had come in and stripped us both, I did not know. But rather than waking him with my already non-existent sense of modesty, the serene way Hisoka’s eyes fluttered occasionally despite being deeply asleep made me keep silent. He was in REM sleep, I recalled, remembering a teacher of mine’s lecture about the eyes moving during REM sleep, hence its name (Rapid Eye Movement). I watched his fluttering eyelashes, how long they were, and the way his lips would press together intermittently, as if he were speaking to someone in his dream, though he was silent. I wondered what he was dreaming about. 

Laying back down carefully, I watched Hisoka sleep for a bit more before feeling my own sleep catching up to me. I fell asleep again cuddling Hisoka. 

When I woke up next, this time, Hisoka was the one that was watching me while I slept. 

“Good morning.” I rubbed my eyes. 

“Good morning, my doll.” He responded, a lazy smile spreading across his lips. 

“When did you come in?” I asked, scanning the room to find my clothes. 

He play-frowned, “You’re not angry?” 

I laughed, “Did you sleep with me so you could watch me be angry in the morning?” 

He frowned harder, puzzled.

I scooted next to him until we were a breath away from kissing, “What if I tell you I enjoyed sleeping with you?” 

He pulled away with a shrug, “Then that would be most boring. I enjoy your reactions.” 

I smiled sadly. It seems that the closer I step in, the further he moves away. 

“I apologize for being boring then. What would you like for breakfast?” I asked, stepping out of bed nude, not a care regarding modesty. Hisoka had seen the whole deal already anyway.

Slipping on my sleeping robe, I turned to stare at the frowning Hisoka. I gave him a tilt of the head, waiting for his response. His response was to smile at me, his eyes lingering on the flesh that peeked through the opening of my sleeping robe. Joining me at the side of the bed, he wrapped his large body around me, pulling me into him in an intimate embrace. Strangers would have looked at us and thought he was my boyfriend or something. But I knew better. He was trying to get a reaction out of me. That was all he ever did. All he ever wanted. The less I conformed to his expectations, the less I would appeal to him. I was going to become a boring woman. That way, Hisoka… Hisoka would be safe. 

And it wasn’t hard to become a boring woman to Hisoka. The feelings that I had been mulling over had finally taken a name last night when I smelled perfume and alcohol on him. It really wasn’t that hard. I just hadn’t wanted to accept it. Now that I knew my own feelings, it was time to put them to rest. But before that, I would indulge myself a little. Just a little bit. I could allow myself this much at least. 

I wrapped my arms around Hisoka’s neck, then went on tip toes to lay a soft kiss on his lips that I had been wanting to kiss since earlier. It wiped his smirk right off his face. He was back to frowning at me. 

I giggled despite myself, knowing Hisoka wouldn’t like it. 

“How’s egg and bacon for breakfast?” I asked. 

He blinked at me. 

“I know you don’t like my tea. Can you make me some today?” I continued, not bothering waiting for him to respond. Untangling myself from him, I headed for the kitchen, his hands dropping from my waist without protest. 

My chest stung. I would rather he forced himself on me like before. At least then, I could lie to myself and call that _affection_. 

I busied myself with breakfast. 

He joined me after a while, with only a towel around his lower half, his hair still damp. He sat at the table doing the same thing he was doing last night, staring a hole into me. I did the best to ignore his...lack of attire and finished up the eggs and bacon quickly. I brought the tea leaves and the cups to Hisoka, along with a pot of boiled water. 

“Your turn.” I smiled, pushing the cups at him. 

He hadn’t taken his eyes off of me. 

“You’re going to make me blush if you keep staring that hard.” I said, copying his posture: his chin on his palms, propped on his elbows. 

He frowned harder, “But you haven’t blushed once today.” 

I smiled, “I do appreciate your handsome looks and perfect body, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Hisoka continued to stare at me.

I stared back. 

Amber eyes blinked, and then he was standing, his towel falling to the floor. His hand closed around my wrist from across the table pulling me to the side, then pressed himself into me. 

I blushed when I felt his member touching my hip. I really tried not to, but I couldn’t help it. Eyes darting back to the table, I couldn’t keep looking at Hisoka. He was forcefully undoing all the progress I was making. 

He was smiling again, having drawn the reaction he wanted from me. 

I huffed out, a bit angrily, “Happy now?” 

A victorious smirk was plastered on his face. An infuriating one. 

“Jeez, you’re childish.” I muttered, sitting back down to eat. 

He joined me at the table, chewing on a piece of bacon. “Don’t bother trying to change, _my doll_.”

I didn’t respond, busying myself shoveling eggs and bacon into my mouth. We ate in an angry silence today. Well, it was just me angry. Hisoka was just chipper. 

When I had finished washing the dishes, I found Hisoka on the couch again with another one of my books. 

“I’m going out today.” I told him. I didn’t know why I did. It just didn’t feel right to leave without telling him. We were living together, after all. Or...he was one-sidedly staying over. 

Hisoka turned curious amber eyes to me, closing the book again. “Where are you going?” He asked, seemingly genuinely curious. 

“Just...some place.” I replied, “Anyway, I’ll be back around dinner.” 

“You’re making me curious.” He called after me. But I ignored him. 

Getting dressed, I found Hisoka waiting by the door, also dressed himself. He had even painted the star and teardrop on his cheeks, his hair spiked. He did all this while I was putting on my dress? Damn...had I really taken that long?

“Are you also going out?” I asked. 

“I’m going with you.” He smiled. 

I blinked. “Um…” I began, not sure how to continue. It wasn’t somewhere I was keeping a secret. It also wasn’t something that Hisoka couldn’t know. It was just, it was a boring place. I didn’t want to tell Hisoka because I thought he wouldn’t have cared. It seemed like I had caused a weird sort of expectation. 

“I’m just going to a boring place.” I tried. 

“Let’s go.” He smiled easily, opening the door with a wave. Ever the performer. 

“No, you…won’t you be bored?” I asked. 

“With you? _Never_.” He bent over and whispered the last against my cheek. His breath tickled me, and I shuddered at the feeling. I knew he was doing it for the reaction, but I couldn’t help it. I just _react_ to him. It was honestly involuntary most of the time. 

With a sigh, I exited the door and Hisoka followed behind me like a trooper. What troubled me was the fact that I was enjoying this too much. _Don’t get my hopes up…_

We stopped by a list of places, the day a whirl. First, it was the construction site of the new orphanage that was being built under the Vermillion name. The building was coming along nicely. Last I had checked, it had just been steel poles. Now, I could see the structure of the building, a hint at what the final product will look like. After that, it was a visit to the civil office for the city. Apparently orphanages require an assortment of licenses and documents, along with a large sum of money that I paid for once again with the Vermillion family funds. Sol had set aside a very generous amount for me, most of which I used on constructing orphanages or setting up food hand-outs, hospitals, and the like. Next was the hiring center to find suitable employees that would take on the job of looking after the children. The manager handed me a list of qualifying applicants and I worked a while sorting through them. All the while, Hisoka watched like a curious little tag-along trailing behind me wherever I went, looking over my shoulder at the documents that were handed to me. He only watched though. Hisoka hadn’t said a word the entire time, satisfied with just absorbing everything in. 

The last stop was to the children themselves. While we made our way towards the edge of the town, a bit of a run-down convenience store caught the corner of my eye. Taking Hisoka’s hand, I made a beeline for the store. 

The store looked run down from the outside, but the inside was decently clean and brightly lit. Rows and rows of food lined the shelves. I made for the candy aisle. 

My eyes sparkled at the sheer amount of candy and cookies and chips, and other little snacks that children might like. 

“Hisoka! What do you think the children will like?” I asked, tugging at his hand. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding it the entire time. When I did, I dropped it, and blushed red, turning my face to the candy to hide the glow. 

He didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he didn’t care. “Children like candy, but if you’re referring to starving children, I think it might be better to bring them food that can last and will expand to make them full faster. Like bread.” Hisoka suggested. 

I was a little surprised at Hisoka’s insight. I thought he wouldn’t know the first thing about starvation. Come to think of it, I didn’t know anything about Hisoka at all. I wondered what Hisoka’s past was like. I wanted to ask, but I felt like it was something that I couldn’t ask. Not now anyway. I doubt Hisoka came from a well-off family. His suggestion had only strengthened my suspicion.

“You’re right.” I said, “But I still want to bring some candy. Just a little bit. What do you think is good?” 

He browsed the shelf, his eyes moving along row after row. Then, he paused, his gaze lingered a bit before moving along. Then again, when he moved back along the aisle, his eyes caught on the same spot. 

He finally settled on a large bag of chocolates with individually wrapped pieces. “This should be easy to distribute. And they can be kept for longer periods of time.” He said. 

I stood up and walked over to him, then gave him a hug. He stiffened. I pulled him closer, or rather, pressed myself closer. “Thank you for coming with me today.” I said into his chest before pulling away. 

I grabbed the bag of chocolates and tossed it into my basket, then paused. “Hisoka, can you get me some bread while I find some other stuff to buy?” I asked. 

He gave me a tilted stare, wondering why I was asking him to go instead of going myself, but he went anyway without another word. 

When he had disappeared around the corner, I went to see the area that he had stopped at twice. I scanned the spot and a pack of gum caught my eye. It caught my eye because of its packaging. It was a smiley face with a teardrop and star drawn on the cheeks the same way Hisoka’s were drawn. 

“Bungee Gum?” I read aloud. I wondered if it had caught his eye because of how similar it looked to how he dressed, or maybe it held special meaning to him and so he copied its style. I took a pack and tossed it into my basket, then rang up the chocolate and gum before Hisoka could come with the bread, hiding the gum in my pocket. 

We carried the bags loaded with bread and chocolate towards the abandoned buildings at the outer ring of the city. Even Hisoka helped carry a few of the bags that I had run out of hands for. It just occurred to me that taking a car might have been easier. 

The children weren’t gathered in one area. They lived sparsely inside the buildings, wherever they could find shelter. We passed by many as we made our way through the dirty and cramped buildings. When we did, we gave them some bread and a few pieces of chocolate until we emptied the bags. 

Some might have attempted to steal from me. The last time I had come, some did, even going as far as trying to attack me to steal money, but this time, perhaps it was because of Hisoka, they hadn’t tried. Hisoka exuded danger and he wore it like a perfume. They weren’t stupid enough to try and steal from us with Hisoka here. 

The children were bone thin, some with swelling bellies from fluid in their stomachs. It was a sign of extreme starvation. And it pained me to see all these kids living the way they did while I lived in luxury when I was little. These children had committed no sin, yet they lived like this, while murderers lived in luxury. This world was unfair. It always has been. 

On the way back, I tentatively reached for Hisoka’s hand. My fingers wrapped around his, and he let me hold it. I felt like a little child again, looking for hands to hold because I was sad. It used to be Sol’s hand I would reach for. But now it was Hisoka’s. I knew this was only temporary, but I was glad all the same that he allowed me this much. Somehow, I had a feeling Hisoka wasn’t one to hold hands with people, however much of a playboy flirt he was. 

“Why do you do this?” Hisoka asked suddenly. For a second, I thought he was referring to me holding his hand, then I realized he was talking about the orphanage. 

“Oh,” I said stupidly, “Why not?” 

He was silent for a while. His eyes hooded when he spoke, “The strong survive and the weak do not. That is the way of the world.” 

I clenched my teeth, angry, but not at Hisoka. “It is, and I hate it.” After a while, I continued, “But it doesn’t have to be that way for us.” I smiled softly at him. “The world is unfair. The innocent are punished, and the sinful rewarded. I want to change that.” 

“Why try to change something that will never change?” 

I thought about how to reply to him. “Hisoka, has no one ever helped you?” I asked instead. He was silent, and I continued, “When you were down, has no one ever extended a hand of help to you?” 

Hisoka’s expression went blank. He wasn’t hiding his emotions; that wasn’t what Hisoka does. He simply didn’t show sadness, and I think blankness is the closest to sadness he can get. 

Hisoka was thinking, was remembering. It was clear in the way his eyes stared ahead, but wasn’t looking at anything in particular. 

“I want to be that hand for someone else.” I wasn’t lying. It really was how I felt. Part of it anyway. The other part… 

I bit my lips. _Don’t think about it._

I tugged on Hisoka’s hand lightly, and amber eyes came to rest on me again as I drew him out of his past. I gave it a little squeeze, and just like that, hand in hand, we headed home. 

♠♥♣♦

_My birthday was coming up again in a week. And the more the days passed by, the closer that day became, the more the feeling of panic grew. I knew the family was facing problems. We were an upstart, so-to-speak. Father was the first of our family “in the business.” And the mafia didn’t take too kindly to newcomers. They were an old sort, almost as conservative as those rich politicians. I had started to spy outside Father’s office to listen in whenever I passed by. It wasn’t looking good. And traditionally, people of the underworld only knew how to solve problems one way._

_When you only have a hammer suddenly everything starts to look like a nail. I was the hammer._

_My boyfriend, Roanne, wrapped an arm around me as he sat down next to me at the back of the school courtyard. A few of our friends sat across from us, chattering about something that made Roanne laugh._

_“What are you thinking so hard about?” He asked, giving my bunched up brows a light tap. I swatted his hand away._

_I sighed, unable to tell him anything. He still thought I was Luna_ Vera _, an ordinary daughter of a doctor that recently moved to town. “Nothing.” I replied._

_He gave a humm that said he didn’t buy what I said for a second, but was letting it go because he knew I didn’t like it when he pried._

_“Hey,” he said after letting me mull in my own thoughts for a bit longer, “You know that you can tell me anything right? I’m on your side.”_

_“Even if I’m an alien?” I joked our usual joke._

_He laughed, “Yes, even if you’re an alien. You_ are _the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on.” He said, smoothing hair out of my face to tuck behind my ears, “It would be strange if you_ weren’t _an alien.”_

_I paused, never having taken our joke this far, “But aliens have alien parents. And alien parents might not be so nice.”_

_Roanne went silent. He knew I was talking about real issues now, not just a joke. He was bright that way._

_Finally flashing an easy smile, he said, “Even then. I’ll just have to make the alien parents like me as much as the alien daughter does.” He gave my shoulder a little squeeze._

_“And,” he continued, suspecting what I would say next, “If the alien parents still don’t like me, then I’ll just have to elope with the alien daughter. Because that’s how much I love her.” He whispered the last, pressing his forehead to mine._

_Our friends chose that moment to whistle and make a ruckus about how cheesy Roanne was, to which he play-fought them off, the group laughing at his antics. Roanne was someone that naturally drew people to him. He was charismatic, intelligent, and handsome, but his best trait was his large and forgiving heart. From the delinquents to the teachers, they all found Roanne inevitably in their good graces. It was just impossible to hate someone like him._

_Someone like him...was too good for me._

_Roanne turned his sparkling deep brown eyes to me and I couldn’t help but mirror his smile._

_I wished time would stop. Just stop in this moment forever. I wouldn’t mind it, I promise. I was almost willing to pay any price for this to happen._

_But the moment was over._

_“Luna.” Sol called from the open door. He wasn’t smiling. Which wasn’t unusual. Sol was probably the only person in the entire world that disliked Roanne. Roanne had tried several times to get into my brother’s good graces, but Sol was apparently too much for even Roanne to conquer, though Sol’s numerous girlfriends that he changed like discarded clothing seemed to have no trouble._

_The group quieted down at the arrival of my brother, who looked from him to me, then back to him._

_“Let me see what he wants.” I flashed a quick smile before walking over to him._

_“You couldn’t tell me afterschool?” I asked, a bit angry at his interruption. I still loved my brother, and I liked to think he loved me too, but ever since_ that _time… I avoided him at school when I could. We were more...distant now. Even at home, we each did our own things. The family had decided he would be heir, so even our education was being overseen by different instructors. He had started taking a more active role in the family business while I was more or less left to my own devices. Not that I had a problem with that, but it was just...a tad bit lonely sometimes._

_He shook his head. “They’re going to make you go through with the ritual again.” He said flatly._

_I dropped my gaze to the ground. “You don’t know that.”_

_“I heard Father talking with Uncle.” He replied._

_I bit my lip. It was just as I feared. “How many?” I asked._

_“Don’t know. Probably more than 50. They’re planning to take out the entire Blackthorne family.”_

_I swallowed, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. My hands involuntarily went to my shoulder._ 50 _. That’s 50 lives._

_I shook my head, “They can’t make me. I’ll refuse. I’ll run away until after my birthday.”_

_He sighed, the first sign of emotion in my brother I had seen in a long time. “I’m here to warn you. That,” he pointed his chin at Roanne’s direction, and I turned to look with him. Roanne was staring my way, and our eyes connected._

_“That,” he continued, “is a liability.”_

_“What?” I hissed at him, leveling a glare at my brother who had just voiced the very concern that I had been mulling over for the past month as the days got closer and closer to my birthday._

_“If I were Uncle, I would use him to threaten you.” Sol said simply._

_I gritted my teeth, “Uncle wouldn’t do that.” I said, and even I didn’t believe that._

_His eyes flitted sideways to me, “Then you’re either lying to yourself, or you’re stupid.”_

_I was probably both. Too stupid to find a way out of this, and lying to myself because there was nothing I could do. No...there was a way, a way that I had been loathing to think about, but...it was probably the only way._

_Hot tears welled up and I scrubbed them away angrily. I had a terrible flaw of crying whenever I got truly angry. I couldn’t help it. It comes and ruins everything._

_Roanne walked over, noticing that something was wrong by my expression and the tears. He put an arm around me and faced my brother, giving him his own unwelcoming stare. Roanne didn’t do glares. He was too kind for that. This was the closest he could get to one._

_“Is something wrong?” He turned to me, concerned._

_I shook my head hard._

_“No, I was just telling my sister that she’s too good for you.” Sol said with full malicious intent. My eyes flashed at him in anger._

_Roanne smirked, “That she is.” He turned to admire me, giving me a wide smile that was already warming me up inside._

_Sol left after flashing him a withering look that went unnoticed by Roanne. “I warned you.” He said as he left._

_Roanne pursed his lips at me, questioning me with his eyes._

_I could only smile up at him, though even that was too hard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've pretty much caught up to where I'm typing, so the updates will be a little slower now. Sorry! Hope you guys have enjoyed it thus far!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bungee gums and lying to Hisoka. The ex's breakup fight.

While I busied myself with dinner again today, Hisoka did something unusual. Usually he would watch me make dinner, or ignore me and go read, but he picked up the chunk of chicken breast I had taken out to defrost and unwrapped it, before starting to cut it with a spare chopping board. I looked over from my chopping board, the green onion sitting half diced. 

He hummed a song that I didn’t recognize while he worked, the knife slicing the chicken into perfectly sized bite-sized pieces. It surprised me that Hisoka was good in the kitchen, though thinking about it again, it shouldn’t have been so unexpected. Hisoka seemed to live alone. And he wasn’t exactly the type to go out to eat every day either. That and he was good at everything he did. It was especially apparent yesterday as he had followed me around. I had observed him as much as he had observed me and I realized that he grasped concepts especially quickly. He was also very dexterous from the way he balanced his house of cards sometimes. The kitchen should be child’s play to him then. 

Hisoka handed me the chicken after I tossed the garlic into the frying pan and then went to retrieve the heavy cream and milk shortly after. He was like my own personal sous chef, always knowing what I needed next before I asked for it. The perfect assistant. 

“Hisoka, is there anything you’re _not_ good at?” I asked with a laugh. 

He smiled, then leaned into me from behind again before whispering into my ears, “ _My doll_ , are you flirting with me, right now?” 

I threw him a light punch on the arm to which he responded with chuckles. 

Hisoka finished boiling the pasta noodles at about the same time the pasta sauce finished, and I ladled the sauce while he went to set the table. When I brought out the plated food, I found that Hisoka had already squeezed two glasses of lemonade and they sat on the table complete with a rim of sugar. I was impressed. 

We sat down to eat. Usually, we’d eat in silence, but I found myself a bit chattier than usual today. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the pack of gum, then slid it across the table to him. “For you.” I said with a smile, “I saw you staring at it at the shop.” 

He paused, setting down his fork to take the gum. I couldn’t quite read his face. It seemed a mix of surprise and sadness and perhaps a bit of nostalgia. He took the gum between his fingers and fiddled with it a bit before magicking it away. Now you see it, now you don’t. He picked up his fork again. 

“It was a gum that I really liked when I was young. I named my nen ability after it.” He said, dropping the fork. 

The fork fell, then it stopped. In mid air. It hung from Hisoka’s finger as if an invisible string was attached to it. Hisoka twirled his fingers, and the fork spun. I used _gyo_ and stared hard at the dangling fork. A thin pink, stretchy string was attached from his finger tip to the handle of the fork. 

“Bungee Gum possesses the properties of both gum and rubber,” Hisoka tossed the fork a little harder and I watched the string stretch outwards before bungeeing back, sending the fork flying back at Hisoka, who caught the handle easily as it came. 

_So that’s what he used on me before._ Uncle and Sol always told me to use _gyo_ whenever there was something that seemed out of the ordinary, but I had always been too lazy. It seemed unnecessary. But if I had properly used _gyo_ like they told me, I would have recognized Hisoka’s ability a long time ago. 

“So Hisoka is a transmuter.” 

“What about you, _my doll_?” Hisoka turned his attention back to me, “Tell me about your ability. Your ability doesn’t seem to just be a manipulation type.” 

I gave him my best blank smile, not wanting to talk about my own abilities. The kotodama wasn’t anything special, but Hisoka was right in that it isn’t just a manipulation type nen ability. My kotodama is actually a dampened version of my real ability, called World Script. I was hesitant to tell Hisoka about the World Script. I had seen what the World Script did to my family. I didn’t want the same to happen to Hisoka. And...if he didn’t become power-crazed from it, then I was afraid he would become wary of me. That was how scary my ability was. 

I decided to tell him the half truth, “My nen ability is called ‘kotodama’. I can manipulate people with my voice. The downside is they must hear my voice for it to work, though. But conversely, if they hear it, then I can command them to do anything.” I left out large parts of it, but I didn’t want to tell him too much. “Well,” I added, “it works for _most_ people anyway. It worked on everyone I’ve ever commanded except you.” 

Hisoka smiled, “So I’m the strongest person you’ve met, then.” 

I frowned at his confidence. “Where do you go to get your ego inflated like that?” 

He smiled darkly, “Oh, _here_ and _there…_ ” I’m not sure I wanted him to clarify what he just said, so I let it go. 

“Tell me about your family.” Hisoka asked suddenly, changing the subject. 

I had a mouthful of pasta and chewed on it slowly, delaying the inevitable, but it bought some time for me to think through what to tell him. 

“There’s not much to say,” I lied as smoothly as possible. I had years of practice lying to my school friends and countless strangers. “My last name is Vera. My father is a doctor and my mother passed away when I was young. I have a younger twin brother named Sol. We’re a pretty normal family.” 

Hisoka’s eyes narrowed, but his blank smile remained. I could feel him scrutinizing me because he had felt the lie. He just didn’t know what part of it. “For a normal family, you are... _exceptional_.” His tongue darted across his lips at the last, as if he was tasting a delicious meal that he was saving up to partake in later.

I swallowed the pasta and forked some more, “I’m the normal child. Sol is the one that’s a genius.” I mentally kicked myself for saying that. That was my self esteem talking. And...why the heck had I mentioned my brother?? The last thing I wanted was for Hisoka to start developing an interest in Sol. 

“For a normal child, your nen abilities are quite extraordinary.” He smiled, his fork not having moved for awhile now. “Where did you learn to use nen?” 

I took my time chewing my pasta before replying, “My Uncle used to be in the business of management for the community. He learned nen there and taught it to us for self protection.” 

“The ‘community’ huh?” Hisoka hummed, “Did you know that people outside of the community do not call it that? They refer to it as the ‘underworld’.” 

Why was I feeling like I was being interrogated? “Oh, is that so? It must be because I hear my Uncle call it that so I thought that’s what you call it normally.” I let out a nervous laugh. 

“For a normal family on a doctor’s income, the donations to the city and the construction of the orphanage seem a bit out of the paycheck range of a normal doctor, no?” 

It had completely slipped my mind that Hisoka had gone with me. Now I wondered if I had screwed everything up. What had Hisoka thought when he went with me? What had he seen? Had I mentioned that the money was being donated in the Vermillion name? I couldn’t remember. 

“My _doll_.” Hisoka smiled, “You’re not very good at lying.” 

I sucked in a breath, “Fine. We’re in the community. Father and Uncle work for a family called the Vermillion family. My brother was also brought in. I was given some money to help increase the reputation for them on the side. They have more money than they know what to do with anyway…” I trailed off. I stuck as close to the truth as possible. I wasn’t lying. Technically, they did work for the family. 

Hisoka scrutinized me again, then his smile came back. “I would love to meet your brother, someday. If he is as much of a _genius_ as you say he is.” 

Ya, that’s not happening. 

The weight in my chest got lighter and my shoulders relaxed. I hadn’t realized they’d been tensed up the entire time. I guess I really did suck at lying. “No way,” I laughed, “You’re the type of person that gets off on adrenaline rushes, you fighting junkie.” 

“Oh how well you know me, _my doll,”_ he cooed. 

I was most definitely not going to let Hisoka and Sol meet ever. Nothing good would come of it. That, I almost knew with absolute certainty. 

♠♥♣♦

_“I want to break up with you.”_

_Roanne stared at me, the lips I had just been kissing at lunch today agape. It was well after school hours and the only ones left were students staying behind for clubs and teachers lost in the mountain of grading work to be done. Outside, the sound of the soccer club doing laps around the field drifted through the open window. I traced a finger along the window edge._

_Roanne would always come find me after class so he could walk me home. According to his friends, he would have his things prepacked so that right when the bell rang, he could dash out at full speed to my classroom. He always came before I finished packing up my things. He was so stupid. I could’ve just waited. There was no need for him to rush out like that. Apparently it had become so routine that even the teachers knew about it._

_“What?”_

_“I said I want to break up with you.” I repeated, my eyes anywhere except on Roanne. Currently, I was staring at the door. His friends were waiting outside, and they had caught the end of our conversation. Their eyes equally wide, their brows knitted in anger and disbelief. I turned to look out the window again._

_“Why?” Roanne asked._

_“I thought I loved you, but it turns out I didn’t. I’m sorry. I thought I could continue on with this charade, but--”_

_“Look at me!” Roanne demanded, yanking my upper arm. I still wasn’t looking at him, training stubborn eyes on the tree in the courtyard. This outburst was probably the first time I had seen him angry. No...second. The first time was when he found out that the girls who had a crush on him had started bullying me. He had confronted the entire class, even with the teacher present, and demanded that they stop. That was the first time I had seen him well and truly angry. And now...this was the second._

_I continued, “I can’t do this anymore.”_

_The grip on my upper arm tightened and still I would not look at him._

_A long silence suffocated the room. I wondered what his friends were doing outside. Why hadn’t they barged in and dragged him away after hurling insults at me? Why weren’t they saying anything?_

_“Look at me and tell me that again.” Roanne said. He wasn’t yelling anymore. His tone was even, flat, but the amount of emotion he put into each word threatened to sweep me away._

_“I want to break up with you because I’m tired of you.” I said, “You’re handsome, but I’m tired of pretending I like you.”_

_“You’re not looking at me.”_

_I grit my teeth. I couldn’t look at him. I knew I couldn’t. If I did, I would start crying, and then all my efforts would have been for naught._

_“Do I need to?” I said as emotionlessly as I could make it._

_“You’re a terrible liar.” He said, “Every time you lie, it shows in your eyes.”_

_Well thanks for knowing me so well._

_“I’m not lying.”_

_“Then look me in the eyes.” His grip on my arm had loosened. They had slid down my arm to lace through my fingers. He gave them a small tug._

_“Look me in the eyes, hmm?” His voice softened, “Luna.”_

_My eyes stung and I angled my face so that he couldn’t see. Why? Why is this guy so…_

_“Luna, talk to me.” He called softly, his thumb rubbing little circles into the back of my hand. “Luna, I can help you.”_

_No, you can’t. You can’t do anything about this._

_“Luna,” he called. And I knew he was smiling even though I wasn’t looking at him. He was smiling. Despite what I was doing to him. Despite the fact that I was trying to break his heart as thoroughly as possible, so that he would hate me, so that he wouldn’t have lingering feelings, so that he could be safe and happy with someone else with no regrets..._

_I yanked my hand away. One more circle and I would come undone at the seams and I would cry and try to run away together, even though I knew the chance of us getting away from the Vermillion family was nonexistent. It was impossible. It was impossible, yet I was running about a hundred different scenarios in my head right now, making a list of all the places we could possibly go._

_“Stop it.” I said, real anger tingeing my voice. I was angry. I was angry at myself for being useless. I was angry at my family for being what they were. I was angry at the world for putting me in this kind of circumstance. “You’re annoying! So leave me alone!” I shouted. The tears had started. I couldn’t help it. They slid down my cheeks in a hot gush and I scrubbed at them, giving Roanne and his friends at the door my back._

_“Luna--”_

_“Why don’t you stop there.” Sol’s voice sounded from behind me. When had he appeared, I didn’t know. “You heard my sister.” His arm slid around my shoulders as he pulled me into him, pressing the line of our bodies together._

_“This is none of your business, Sol.” Roanne said, his voice low with anger again, “This is between me and Luna.”_

_“I think this is my business. Luna is my sister,” he said, his grip on me tightening, “but she is also more than that.”_

_What was he talking about?_

_“What are you talking about?” Roanne voiced my question._

_“Luna and I...well let’s just say we’re closer than your average sibling.” Sol wrapped more of himself around me._

_“Vera. Watch yourself.” Roanne warned, referring to Sol by his last name._

_Sol continued unfazed, “Luna is trying to break it off to you nicely. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. That’s what’s good about her. She has heart. But I don’t.” Sol’s voice went cold. “I can’t stand you touching my woman anymore.”_

_“_ Your _woman?” Roanne asked, once again voicing the question that was in my head._

_“You heard me.”_

_“You’re her_ brother _.”_

_“I am her everything.” Sol said, with absolute conviction._

_Silence seized the room again. I had no idea what Sol was trying to do. Even if he wanted to help me, he didn’t need to go out of the way and make up this kind of ridiculous lie. What were we going to do afterwards?_

_“Luna?” Roanne said softly._

_I gritted my teeth, my back to them still._

_“Luna,” Sol said, not waiting for me to reply, “Let’s go home.”_

_Sol walked towards the open door and I let myself be led along. I had gotten ahold of my expression during the conversation. My eyes were probably still red, but they hadn’t swollen up yet. For now, I emptied my thoughts and just concentrated on schooling my expression, making it as blank as possible._

_Roanne’s hand caught mine as we passed each other._

_“Deveroux.” Sol warned, using Roanne’s last name this time._

_He ignored him. “Luna, I want to hear it from you.” He said softly._

_I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave like this. Not without the two coming to blows. Just once. I just needed to keep myself in check once. This was necessary. Absolutely necessary. If I wanted Roanne to live, to be safe, then I needed to do this. Roanne’s life was on the line._

_I turned my eyes to meet Roanne’s. I kept them as calm as possible, repeating in my head all the reasons why I needed to accomplish this. I_ had _to accomplish this._

_When I faced Roanne, no tears flowed out. My gaze was even, my face smooth of any lines. Perfectly blank. “I want to break up with you.” I said, and even my voice sounded even._

_Roanne’s chocolate brown eyes searched through mine. They went from one eye to the other, then to my face, and then he smiled, as if he was letting go of something heavy._

_“I knew you were lying to me.” He said, relief flooding his voice._

_My eyes widened._

_His hand found mine again, clenching at them. “Let’s stop this, Luna.” He pleaded, pulling me away from Sol._

_“Roanne Deveroux.” Sol said, and his nen exploded around him. I turned wide eyes at my twin brother, shielding myself with a layer of my own nen. Roanne did not have such luxury._

_He was physically pushed backwards by the invisible nen, and he turned wide eyes to Sol, then to me._

_I squeezed Sol’s hand, desperate to get him to turn his attention back to me. He could kill him. He could kill Roanne with just his nen. But Sol wasn’t looking at me. His blue-grey eyes had gone cold, and they were leveled on the man in front of us. Rage burned beneath his eyes like a cold raging flame. In that moment, I knew Sol meant to kill._

_“Sol!” I called, wrapping myself around the front of Sol’s body, putting myself between the two._

_“Let’s go home?” I said, burying my face into the crook of his neck. “I want to go home.”_

_“You’re only leverage if you’re alive.” Sol said, ignoring me. His rage had not quelled in the slightest._

_No. No. He didn’t mean that. He couldn’t have meant that!_

_“Sol!” I yelled, drawing myself away to look into his eyes._

_“Everything will be okay if you just die.” Sol said. Gin slithered around Sol, pushing me away from his body. I turned wide eyes back to Roanne, who was still staring at Sol in confusion, but also fear. He didn’t know what was happening. He couldn’t see Gin at all. He couldn’t see the nen. But he knew to be afraid. There was_ something _happening that he couldn’t see, and that something was going to kill him._

_“Sol!” I pushed past Gin, who allowed me to shove him aside so that I could reach shaking hands to Sol’s shoulders._

_“Gin.” Sol said, and I knew it would be too late. I would never reach in time._

_“_ STOP!” _I screamed, pulling the full weight of my nen, all my willpower, into that one word._

_Gin went still. Sol’s eyes widened a fraction. Roanne was also frozen, and anyone who had heard me._

_I was crying again. There was only so much I could take. I was such a cry baby._

_“I can’t do this,” I said to Sol, facing him squarely. “Let’s go home.” I cried, “I want to go home. Take me home.”_

_At the sound of my words, it was as if Sol had surfaced from some dark space he had allowed himself to be sunken into. His shoulders relaxed and Gin dematerialized, his nen aura disappearing with Gin. It was only then that I let go of my own nen._

_“Luna…” Roanne said from behind me when he had control of his body again. He sounded confused rather than angry or sad. Of course he was, given what had happened. I ignored him._

_Sol wrapped his arm around me again, and led me out of the classroom. This time, no one stopped us. By the door, my former friends stared at me as I passed them by. Devin caught my eye as we left. He was staring at me as if I were a monster, with fear, and the remnants of anger._

_Right. I wasn’t anything as cute or as silly as an alien. I was a monster. And monsters didn’t belong with humans._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🍋 Last sex with Hisoka in awhile. 🍋 Confessions of a monster. Sol and Luna's relationship.

Hisoka lay on my bed, propped up by pillows. He had already showered, his hair down, slightly damp, but had already mainly dried. He was reading my book again, thumbing away another page when I came out from the shower, wrapped in nothing but a bath towel. 

I ran another towel through my damp hair when his eyes flitted over the page. With a knowing smile, he put the book down on the bedside table and laced his hands behind his head, leaning back to enjoy the view. Smiling, I continued to dry my hair, pretending I was innocently going about my own business. 

“ _My doll_ , are you enjoying yourself _toying_ with me?” Hisoka asked from the bed.

I blinked innocent eyes at him. Whatever did he mean?

His lips curled, and he moved off the bed to my side, casting amber eyes down to bait my own. He traced a finger along my cheek, down my neck, to the top of the towel where I had tucked the corner in to hold it in place. With a flick of his finger, the towel came loose and fell to the floor with a plop. He drank in the sight of my body and I let him, running my own hands along his bare chest. I tugged at the sash holding the sleeping robe closed and it fell apart to reveal that he was growing happier by the second. 

I cupped his length, and he drew in a breath, his smile replaced by need. Lowering myself to my knees, I drew in that delicate, yet destructive part of him into my mouth. It was just the tip, yet it had already filled up almost all of my mouth. He was so incredibly large, both in length and in girth. It was a wonder how all of this had fit into me. 

Above me, Hisoka drew in another breath, his hands tangling themselves in my hair as he thrust lightly into me, eager. Placing my hands on his hips, I held him still, wanting to enjoy this. He obliged and went still. This was my first time. I had seen enough porn videos to know the gist of what to do, but I was still new to all this. 

I held the tip of him in my mouth, careful to avoid my teeth, and lightly sucked, guiding him deeper into me. With a hand around his length that I couldn’t take into my mouth, I touched my lips to my thumb and moved my hand with my lips, using one motion to stroke and suck together. I found a steady rhythm that I could sustain, and occasionally darted my tongue to wrap around the head, flicking it to stimulate him more. 

Hisoka moaned wordlessly from above, his fingers curling in my hair until it became almost painful. Occasionally, I would stop and twirl my tongue around his head in a circular motion, then go back to sucking and pumping his shaft. When my lips had gotten tired and sore from sucking, I pulled away to trail a wet line from the base of his length to the tip. After enough rest, I had him back into my mouth. 

“ _My doll_ ,” Hisoka groaned, “you’re so _good_ at making me cum.” 

His fingers pulled me off his dick, and I was sitting there a bit dazed, feeling his stomach clench and spasm underneath my palms when he slid himself back into my mouth in one hard, solid motion. I barely had enough time to open wider, curling my lips down to cover my teeth, when he buried himself as deep as he could go, and then some. He was so big that his tip reached my throat, and still he was pushing. I suddenly found that I couldn’t breathe! 

Slapping his hips, I begged him to ease up, but he was too busy thrusting, pulling himself out and then shoving himself back in as fast as he could, until he was face fucking me. I struggled to breath during the short intervals where he was pulled out, but I found that I couldn’t get enough, and he was already buried into me again. My head began to feel light from the lack of air, but luckily, he chose that minute to pull out completely. 

“Aughh!” He cried, one hand pumping himself as ropes of his cum shot out onto my face, then dripped down to my chest. His cum that covered my skin was so incredibly hot. Some dripped into my mouth, and I tasted him, bitter and salty. The smell came after. There really was no describing the smell. The only thing I can say is that it is in every essence, the smell of a man who had just released his pleasure. 

Hisoka smiled down at me, his finger sliding along the cum on my cheek, then dipping into my lips, forcing me to taste more of him. I suckled at his finger, my tongue coiling around to get the last of it off. 

“ _Good girl_ ~” He praised, lowering himself to the bed. He reached a hand out to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me towards him. 

I ended up straddling him, propped on my knees, with his throbbing member waiting below. His amber eyes gazed up at me that said all of me was his. His lips curled into a smile as the hands on my hips guided me down to his waiting need. 

He was still so incredibly big and hard despite having come just moments ago. His libido was seriously no joke. I wondered how many times he would come again today when he slid his tip into my dripping slit. 

I gasped, my hands wrapping around his neck. The movement put my breasts in his face, which he took graciously, drawing the tips into his mouth to roll around with his tongue the same way I had sucked on him earlier. 

I lowered myself all the way down until our thighs met with a wet slap. I could feel him all the way into me, so deep inside, touching places that I hadn’t known existed. I reveled in the fullness while he worked on my breasts, drawing moan after moan from my lips. 

I rose, feeling his impossible length slip out slowly, then stopped just short of that ring around his head. Driving myself back down, I whimpered my pleasure as his hands helped lift me and drop me until we found a rhythm that left my thighs burning and me screaming. My screams and the wet slapping sound echoed the room. He set teeth to my delicate tip and I screamed louder, fingers digging into his back, unable to stand the stimulation. 

“Hisoka!” I gasped upon a particularly hard thrust of his member upwards that drove himself even deeper, which I hadn’t thought was possible. It hit a place that I could only imagine was the end of me. 

“ _My doll_ , you make me want to _break_ you,” he mumbled into the crook of my neck, his voice strained. 

“ _Mmm_ , you’re so _ripe._ I want to break you so bad!” He moaned, picking me up while he was still buried deep within me. Hisoka walked us to the wall where he leaned me and adjusted his grip on my thighs. The gravity was pulling me down, and when he thrust into me again from this angle, I realized that he had indeed found the end of me earlier. The tip pressed into the deepest crevices and a dull ache blossomed there. 

“Hisoka! Not there!” I cried, my hands on his shoulders, squirming myself upwards to ease him off the end of me. “Please!” 

He thrust into me again, the same spot, harder this time. He found a hard and fast rhythm of pumping into the end as if he was trying to drill himself straight through. There was nothing I could do except scream and squirm away to no avail. His grip on my thighs held me solidly in place and gravity was not on my side. 

Hisoka ignored my pleas, fucking me into the wall, and soon even the dull ache became pleasurable. My screams became moans, and I was back holding onto him for dear life. It felt as if I would die if I let go. 

“Please! Please! Please!” I pleaded with him for what I didn’t know. Perhaps Hisoka knew. With one last thrust, he groaned and buried himself as deep as he would go. Hot cum poured into me, and I felt him fill me up and then overflow. 

When he finally drew himself out, I collapsed onto Hisoka. His hot seed spilled out of me in hot dribbles. It was as if I had melted from the fire he set deep inside. 

Hisoka moved us to the bed where he lay me down gently. I passed out then, but he was far from done. The last thing I remembered was him piercing me again. 

♠♥♣♦

I woke to a warm floating sensation that I could almost mistake for paradise, if there ever was one. Hisoka adjusted me so that I was laying back onto him in the bathtub. 

“You’re awake,” Hisoka said. 

I turned in the weightless water until I was leaning sideways on Hisoka’s chest, molding myself to his shape. I nuzzled the bend of his neck with my nose, breathing in his strawberry bubblegum smell. 

“You smell like strawberries and bubblegum.” I murmured absently, my brain still in a hazy after-sex-high. 

He chuckled and I felt the rise and fall of his chest, the water lapping with the vibrations. We sat there for a long time, enjoying the water, before Hisoka finally spoke. 

“How pretty,” he said, tracing a finger down my back, “is it unfinished?” 

I was suddenly awake. 

Sitting up, I huddled into myself despite the warmth of the water, my right hand going to my left shoulder. Hisoka was frowning now. It wasn’t an angry frown. He drew me back to settle against him and I followed stiffly. 

“ _My doll_ , you really are full of secrets.” He said. I couldn’t see his face. I stayed silent, not sure what to say. 

“If I tell you a secret of mine, will you trade one of your secrets with me?” His voice was light, playful, but there was a tinge of something darker. 

I was a curious person. Always have been. I knew next to nothing about Hisoka, so the appeal of learning about his secret incrementally outweighed my reluctance to reveal my own. I nodded, sitting up to look at Hisoka, but he flashed me a quick smile before pulling me back down to his chest. My mind was full of questions, but I obeyed and settled myself back at his front. 

“My mother worked in the brothel.” He began, his tone was light, but the words were not. I wondered what it had cost him to reveal this to me. This was Hisoka. My fingers brushed against his in the water, and we laced our hands together. 

He continued, “I don’t know who my father is. He was probably one of her customers.” His finger rubbed circles into my hand, as if he were comforting me. But I wasn’t the one that needed comforting. 

“She wasn’t a terrible mother though. She taught me many things, like how to play cards. It was one of the things she was good at. She could make the cards disappear and reappear in the weirdest places, as if it were magic.” Hisoka said, his voice animated. “She would use her ‘magic’ to gamble, and she would always win the rounds that she needed to win the game. Then she’d use that money to buy me presents on Christmas and on my birthdays.” He chuckled, then his laughter died off. 

“They caught her cheating.” He said. I was quiet. His finger had frozen in place, midway through a circle. He had gone so still, even his chest had stopped mid breath. I was at a loss at what to do. I had a feeling that he would get angry if I comforted him now. But gods did I want to wrap my arms around him right then and rock us both until the past was all behind us. Yet, I had a feeling he would not like that. So I stayed still. As still as he had gone, and waited for him to surface from the past on his own. 

Hisoka drew in a slow breath, and I knew he had come back. I gave his hand a small squeeze, to which he returned. “And that was the last time I saw my mother.” He finished, his usual blank smile plastered to his face. 

I repositioned myself to settle against him more comfortably, and in the process, pulling his arm to wrap loosely around my neck. I did the only thing I could to draw his mind from his past. 

“The tattoo is a memorial for the people I’ve killed,” I explained. “Each flower is one life.” 

“The spider lily,” Hisoka said, “the flower of the graveside.” 

I smiled, a bit surprised that Hisoka knew about the spider lily. It’s a beautiful red flower with thin curled petals that often grew in cemeteries. It’s said to be the flower of the _otherside_. 

“I lied to you earlier.” I confessed, unable to continue lying to him, “My name is Luna Vermillion. My father used to be the head of the family before my brother took over.”

I clenched his arm around me tighter, pulling the inside of his elbow up to my lips as if I were pulling up a familiar blanket. “I also have another _nen_ ability. It’s called World Script. During the minute of my birthday, anything I say will come true, so long as it is in the realm of the possible.” I continued, “My family used my ability to kill off rivals in the community.” 

I leaned my head back against his chest, “That’s when I started tattooing a flower on my back for every person I’ve killed.” 

After a pause, I continued, “I couldn’t forgive myself. They threatened me with my friends’ lives, but it was still me who killed them. I weighed their lives against my friends’ and found them lighter. I should never be allowed to forget.” 

I bit my lip, putting to voice the first time my deepest self hatred. “I’m a monster.”

I felt Hisoka stir underneath me. I half expected him to treat it like it’s nothing. I knew Hisoka had killed people. Probably more than I have. But there was a fear. That irrational voice that said he would hate me. That whoever I told this secret to would never see me the same way again. That they’d agree that I was a monster. Then, they’d leave me. I could almost see it, Hisoka’s face as it twists into one of fear and disgust. The way his silky voice would sound when it mouths the one word I never wanted to be called by. It was irrational. It made no sense. But isn’t that what fear is? 

“Then that makes two of us,” Hisoka said. 

My eyes widened, then I squeezed them shut as I buried myself further into the crook of his arm. I had finally confessed it all, and it felt as if a weight on my chest had disappeared. The burden of their lives were still carved into my back, but it was more bearable now. I could breathe again. It turns out all it took was for the monster to find another one. A monstrous friend for a monster. How silly. 

I turned around in the weightless water that was growing cold and wrapped my arms around Hisoka’s neck. “I know I haven’t known you for very long, but…” I said softly as I held onto him, “I think I love you.” 

Hisoka’s hands that had risen out of the water to hold me froze mid-motion. Water slid down his arms to pool back into the cooling tub. I’ll never be able to see what kind of expression he had then as I confessed. Maybe if I had, I would have played it off as a joke. If I had seen the expression on his face, if I had seen his frozen hands that never made it to my back, I would have taken it all back. Then maybe, just maybe, I could have prevented the events that followed. 

♠♥♣♦

_“Sol!” I yelled at my twin brother. His nen had seeped out again. It raged around him like a wildfire, threatening to burn everything it touched. Why was he losing control of his emotions like this? It wasn’t like him at all. Sol was logical. He was practical. He might be pragmatic to a fault, oftentimes discarding morals and ethics to prioritize the result above all else, but he always did it logically. He would never harm more than he needed to. He was my innocent, kind brother whose only misfortune was being born into this family. Our family molded him into what he is today, but that isn’t his fault. So why…? Why was he being like this now?_

_Roanne’s voice came through the receiver, calling my name, moments before Sol crushed the receiver in his hand with a crack. I flinched at the crunching sound. The obsidian sword at his side flashed out, and before I could protest, it had cleanly sliced through the body of the phone and carved into the wooden table, sending the two pieces hurtling across my dressing table. It smashed through the things on the table like a wrecking ball. A picture of Roanne and I together, smiling at the camera, crashed to the ground, shattering glass pieces across the marbled floor. Sol and I’s childhood pictures lay next to it. A glass bottle of origami stars that Sol had given me on Valentine’s day was in pieces. The stars scattered across the ground as if the sky had fallen._

_Sol was seething. That was the only word I could use to describe him, as he stood there in ragged breaths, eyes unfocused, his rage directed at someone far away. I stood next to him, and for the first time in my life, I was afraid. I was afraid of my brother, my other half._

_Only his blue grey eyes moved, flashing to me, and that was enough to make me flinch away, taking an involuntary step back._

_“Do you love him_ that _much?” Sol asked. He had noticed the fear. It had been so unexpected for me to fear him that I hadn’t had the time to consider hiding it. Now that he had noticed, it was already too late to take it back. But even then, I tried my best. I took back the step away and straightened myself as normally as I could. Because despite everything, I knew I had hurt him, even if he had not reacted earlier._

_“He only called to make sure I was alright.” I replied._

_“Did you forget?” Sol growled, his voice low, “You need to stay_ away _from him.”_

_I dropped my gaze, my arms wrapping around myself. “What’s the point? No matter what I do, Uncle will use Roanne. So then what’s the point of staying away? I might as well--”_

_Sol slammed his fist into the table, splitting the wood. “You might as well what? Stay with him? Date him openly? Bring him home so he can dirty you with his--”_

_“Sol!”_

_“What? Are you going to ask Uncle and Father for permission to marry him too?” Sol scoffed at me, his eyes cruel._

_I couldn’t believe this was Sol. This wasn’t him. My twin brother...my brother wouldn’t…_

_“Why are you being like this?” I mumbled, my own anger bubbling over, “Why are you so angry?! Why do you hate Roanne so much? Roanne isn’t--”_

_“Stop saying his name!” Sol shouted. “Every time you say his name, it makes me want to_ rip _him apart!”_

_“Why?!” I shouted back. “Why do you hate him so much?! What has Roanne ever done to you?!”_

_“What has that fucker done to me?” Sol took a step towards me, and I took one back. Sol never cussed… “He took what was_ mine _.” Sol backed me into a wall physically with his nen. Usually his nen would envelope me when I was standing next to him, as if we were one entity, an extension of each other, but today his nen was a wall. A tangible, unrelenting, unforgiving wall that forced me backwards. I tried dodging to the side, but the nen wrapped around, blocking the way, until one last step shoved me solidly into the wall. He slammed his palm to the wall next to my face and I flinched. He hadn’t touched me, but I was well and truly scared now. My own anger and pride was the only thing keeping my gaze locked with his._

_“What are you talking about?” I asked when I had nowhere to go, Sol’s anger roaring inches away._

_“What_ am _I talking about?” Sol said, his expression twisting into one of hurt. His fingers slithered along my cheeks and I resisted the urge to slap it away._

_“Even though I’m the one that pushed you away…” Sol mumbled, barely audible, his gaze lingering on my lips. He slid his finger along my lower lip before pushing them into me. He pushed between the cracks of my teeth and forced me to open my mouth, his finger taking the opportunity to curl in, taking his time playing along my tongue. Sol shoved his finger deep into my mouth, choking me from the sudden intrusion._

_“See, this is why I can’t let you go.” Sol let out a sharp laugh, his fingers still planted deep into my mouth as I glared up at him with tears in my eyes from the gag reflex. “If you hate it so much, why don’t you bite down?” Sol asked, his fingers twisting around my tongue until it was pinched between his index and middle finger._

_Why hadn’t I bitten down? It was obvious. Because it would’ve hurt Sol._

_I pushed him away, shoved him as hard as I could with my nen drawn around me like a thin jacket in the middle of a blizzard. He stumbled back a step, his fingers slipping from my mouth. He brought his fingers up as he examined it, then his tongue came out, licking along the length of his fingers before bringing it to his mouth. I stared with wide eyes as my twin brother sucked on the fingers that he had just stuffed into my mouth._

_Just why was he like this…?_

_His fingers popped from his mouth with a wet smack and he twisted his eyes to catch mine. He stared at me, examining me, reading me. I could do nothing except stand there as if I were under a microscope while he studied me to the point where he’d know me more than I knew myself._

_“I’ll see you tonight.” He said suddenly and headed for the door._

_Pausing, he called out, “Happy birthday, sister.” before melting into the darkness of the hallway._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna leaves Blumine, for good.

Hisoka was avoiding me. That was the only conclusion I had come to by the time I was having dinner alone for the sixth consecutive time. We used to eat together regularly; now he was always out. And the few times he was at home, he always had a blank expression, as if he was miles away, somewhere else. Even today, I had woken up alone, despite going to sleep with him yesterday. Aside from the innocent cuddling that I initiated more than often than he did, he had not touched me since. The time alone had made me realize how much I had grown used to Hisoka. Which wasn’t right. I thought I knew how to be alone. I had been alone for so long already. So why is it that I can’t remember what I used to do when I was alone? Why was it that I couldn’t type a single word to my story? That I couldn’t find it in me to eat another meal alone at the table that was too large and too silent? 

Having lost my appetite after a few bites in, I saran wrapped the food and left the house for a walk through town, unsure of where to go. I simply couldn’t be in that empty house anymore. 

I walked and walked and soon found myself at the coffee shop again. It seems old habits die hard. I hadn’t gone ever since that incident. Perhaps that incident had scared me more than I thought it had. The coffee shop had long closed for the day, and I walked over to the parking lot that I had been dreaming about for some time now. It was empty, save for a few deserted cars that had been there for as long as I could remember. The van was gone. Of course it wouldn’t be there. 

Fingers grazed the steel fence as I walked along the outer edge, tracing my steps that night. The fence rattled noisily as I went. I stepped out into the street, then turned a bend towards the alleyway that I had run into. It was just as dark as that night, but now that I was conscious and in my right mind, I easily picked my way through the dirty streets. What had seemed like a battlefield had simply been piles of trash. It was...enlightening in a way, to see things as they actually are. Not in dreams filtered through the scope of fear and trauma. It was healing. 

My steps took me back to the back entrance of the bar. _Night Delirium_ flashed in neon red over the door, splattering the alleyway in a spray of blood. Loud music beat through the brick walls the closer I got to the door, and when I opened it, the music rushed out like water that had finally found a crack. I waded my way through the music as if it were almost tangible. 

The place doubled as a bar and dance club. On one side, there were tables and booths, but they were mostly empty. The majority of the customers were gathered on the dance floor, where the strobing lights cast a sea of moving silhouettes. There had been a stage I hadn’t noticed before, and a DJ was pumping away center stage. 

I went to the bar counter and took a seat. When the bartender came over, I asked him for the most popular drink on the menu. I watched the crowd move, mindless, formless, as they dissolved into one entity on the high of a night that you could never live again. 

The bartender came back and pushed me a glass of red and orange slush. “One Sunset Fever. Enjoy.” He said as he left. I took a sip of the icy and my eyes widened. I greedily sucked in more. 

If one could drink the sunset, perhaps it would taste like this? It was a tropical sweetness with a tanginess that only real fruit could give you. Yet at the bottom of it was a hint of something sweeter, more closer to home. Strawberry, perhaps? I bottomed out the cup in no time at all, trying to figure out what that mysterious sweetness at the end of it was. 

Before I could order another one, the bartender came back with another Sunset Fever. “Courtesy of that gentleman.” He said, pointing his thumb at the man a few empty seats down. The man winked at me when we made eye contact, and I frowned. Not taking the hint, the man rose and shifted himself into the seat next to me. 

“Hey. Haven’t seen you around here before.” He smiled easily, lounging back on the chair. How original. Isn’t that the line they use in every damn movie ever?

“I’m new.” I flashed him a quick polite smile. I hoped my curtness would be hint enough, but he pushed the drink closer to me. I stared down at the orange drink, then turned hard eyes back to him. I was not going to drink something someone else gave me in public. 

“No thank you.” I smiled, shaking my head, “I think I’ve had enough. The last one was a bit strong.” I lied. I stood to leave, but he caught my arm. I glared at the arm and he raised them in front of him, releasing me. 

“Hey, sorry for touching you,” he smiled sheepishly, “Aren’t you the cautious one. Smart though. Never hurts to be too careful. Don’t worry, I haven’t put anything in it.” He reached for the drink and took a sip before setting it down. 

“See? I just want to make a new friend.” He said easily. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood to make new friends.” I apologized, and made resolutely for the door, ignoring his calls from behind me. As I passed, guys eyed me, their gaze going down, then up again before settling on either my butt or my chest. Then they’d shamelessly smirk at me, not even bothering to hide the fact that they had been leering. I was dressed modestly in my opinion, a floral print knee length flare dress and a warm knitted jacket, not that what I wore makes a difference. Rude assholes will be rude assholes whether you’re in skimpy black leather or the most unattractive prudish grandma clothes from the last century. I grit my teeth and tried my best to ignore them. Why had I even come here? I headed for the back door again. My hands paused on the door knob and I blew out a breath. My eyes flitted to the back of the dance club bar from memory. 

If memory serves me well, the room not being too far from the backdoor. I wanted to see it now, while there were people around. Was that room a back room? Or had it been a more public space? I wondered if there were people in it now. Curiosity got the better of me and I traced my steps back back down memory lane. 

There wasn’t a door. The bar simply opened out to a lounge where people milled around smoking, or high off of whatever drug they had just pumped themselves full of. The lounge became a hallway, and the first door of the hallway was the room. The door was open, and the sound of a girl moaning echoed into the lounge area. I hadn’t thought to actually look inside it, especially if it was presently occupied. I turned to leave. 

“ _Cry for me._ ” A familiar silky voice drifted from the room. I froze. 

The girl’s moans grew louder, the pair approaching climax fast in a cacophony of screams and moans, the two voices joining together. Then silence. 

“I’m not done yet~” The familiar voice sounded again, and the girl’s cries started again. 

I had to check. My feet made for the open door. I had to make sure. It could’ve just been someone with the exact same voice. And you couldn’t trust voices. You can’t be sure. 

Hisoka had his back to the door, his muscles straining as he thrusted into a girl with long blonde hair. She raked her red nails along his back as she screamed, her body convulsing from the pleasure that I knew so well. 

I watched wordlessly as Hisoka fucked her, used her, just like he had used me. 

“I didn’t know you enjoyed watching.” The man that had offered me a Sunset Fever threw his arm around my shoulder, watching the scene that was unfolding before me. 

I turned to look up at him, really looked this time. He looked like he was in his late 20’s, with black asymmetrical hair longer on one side, his bangs swept to the longer side. It was a great look that went well with his face shape. I would even say he looked attractive. But...I wasn’t thinking about how attractive he looked. Despite the fact that I was looking at this man, my head was full of thoughts of the man drilling himself into another girl on the same bed he had fucked me on a few weeks back. Probably the same bed he had fucked countless women. Why had I thought I was the exception? Because he lived with me for a while? Because we ate together? Because he had shared his secret with me? 

Why had I thought I was special? It was absolutely hilarious. It was hilarious that I had fallen for him. Hilarious that I had confessed to him, wanted to start a relationship with him. Hilarious, so fucking hilarious, that I was staring at this hilarious situation. So, damn, fucking hilarious. 

Something wet slid down my cheeks as I stared at the man with his arm around me, and his finger went to catch it with a frown. He looked back into the room and frowned harder. 

“Oh.” He said, and before I could stop him, he shouted into the room, “Hey! You have fun with that chick. I’m gonna enjoy this beauty!” 

I flashed wide angry eyes up at the man whose name I didn’t even know, but he ignored me, his eyes set defiantly on the man inside. 

The suicidal idiot had provoked Hisoka, who stopped and turned to the door with a frown. Amber eyes caught mine and I wanted to die. I broke eye contact to leave, but the man’s arm held me in place. I didn’t know where to set my eyes now. Watching Hisoka and the girl seemed inappropriate, given the situation that called for privacy. Yet the circumstances of our relationship told me I should be glaring at him, accusing him with my eyes, but I didn’t have the courage. I finally settled with the dirty mosaic flooring, but paid extra attention to my peripherals. 

Hisoka stepped off the bed, leaving the girl heaving behind him, too spent to move. He came over completely naked, still semi-hard and glistening from the other girl’s fluids. His hand was suddenly around the man’s throat, jerking him upwards off his feet, and the man’s arm fell away from me. 

“Don’t _touch_ my _toys._ ” Hisoka warned dangerously with a smile. 

The man laughed at his face, though I knew it was already hard for him to breath, “ _Your_ toy? Isn’t that the one on the bed?” 

Hisoka’s eyes darkened and I closed a hand around Hisoka’s wrist that was holding the man up before he could crush his windpipe. “ _Hisoka_ , _freeze. Let go._ ” I commanded with my nen, and Hisoka’s fingers unwrapped. The man dropped with a strained laugh. I really wondered how he was able to be so fearlessly suicidal. 

“My doll,” Hisoka said. I don’t know what kind of face he was making. And I didn’t want to know. 

“My name is Luna.” I said, helping the man to his feet, “I’m not your doll.” 

“So your name’s Luna.” The man said, smiling up at me. What an idiot. 

I ignored him, speaking instead to Hisoka. “I am formally apologizing to you for making you have sex with me. I shared my home with you for the past weeks, and I feel that is sufficient enough payment. If you feel that it is still not enough, I will compensate you at a later date.” I stated, still unable to look him in the eyes. I was looking behind him, at the girl, whose chest was still rising and falling rapidly. I wondered if she was okay. There was a small part of me that hoped she wasn’t. 

“My doll, why are you so angry?” Hisoka asked, his voice even, the same silkiness as earlier. 

“I’m not angry,” I said, “and I told you, I’m not your doll.” 

“You will _always_ be my doll.” Hisoka promised darkly. His lips were smiling, but his eyes were not. 

“Let’s go.” I said to the man, Hisoka still immobilized by my nen. Come to the think of it, it was the first time I was able to freeze Hisoka for so long. It turns out I was always fully capable of it. It only took enough willpower. And a broken heart. 

I walked out of the bar with the man’s hand in mine. It wasn’t until we got home when I finally let go of my nen. I felt it leave Hisoka’s body, one last twinge of lingering attachment for a second longer before he was gone. I didn’t even have time to think about the gaping pit in my heart when the man’s lips crashed into mine. 

“Forgot to introduce myself,” he drew away momentarily to speak, “My name is Ronan.” The name was familiar, yet it wasn’t. I didn’t know of anyone by the name of Ronan. But the way the word fell from his lips, the way the word sounded… it felt like I should know it. 

His lips were on mine again, eating away at my protests, his hands softly diffusing my shoves. His persistence softened me against him. Why was I resisting anyway? What was I saving myself for? What was I trying to protect? It was all so stupid. 

I sank into his kiss as I fumbled open the door. We barely managed to kick off our clothes when we found the bed. His hands were gentle on me, something I wasn’t quite used to. I was used to much harder, much more selfish hands. Ronan’s kisses left my skin tingling, tingling for bites, for nibbles, for selfish lips that scattered hickeys wherever they pleased. The more I tried to not think about it, about _him_ , the more his face appeared. The pink hair that, when freshly dampened by a bath, tickled his cheeks when he moved above me. The pale marble skin that seemed flawless and perfect like a Greek statue until he _moved_ and then the muscles pulled taut underneath a veil of silk. Amber eyes that shone with a sort of proud darkness, a confident evil. And the fact that those eyes would shine when they took me in. I would get lost in them, when, during the very rare moments when our eyes connected just as thoroughly as our bodies were, I could see me as he saw me: something to be desired, something that he treasured. Those were the moments when I could believe that if it was me, he wouldn’t mind spending forever as we were in that exact moment. 

I couldn’t do it anymore. 

Pushing a palm to Ronan’s chest, I separated our bodies and pulled the blanket between us to cover my front. I was staring at the pattern on the blanket, unable to look at Ronan. “I’m sorry.” I said, and he sat back down on the bed, giving me space. 

He shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I was trying to take advantage of the situation.” 

I nodded mutely, a bit surprised that he had readily admitted what he did. I guess he wasn’t as much of an asshole as I had first pinned him for. Thinking back, he hadn’t actually done anything rude to me. I guess I was the one that was prejudiced. 

He stood to retrieve his clothes that were on the ground and put them on. I stared at the bed, but I was really focused on my peripheral vision. He stumbled on the pants, almost tripping over one of the leg sleeves. When he had finally dressed himself, he stood awkwardly to look at me. I finally dared to look at him straight. It seemed rude not to. 

Ronan had a small smile. It wasn’t a dirty one, and his eyes weren’t wandering despite what I was wearing (or rather, _not_ wearing). “I’d like to start as friends.” He said, reaching a hand out, “if that’s okay with you.” 

I stared at the hand. They were smaller than Hisoka’s, a bit on the tan side, and there were callouses in a few spots along the ridges where his palm met his fingers. They were an ordinary pair of hands. I took the ordinary pair of hands and gave it a small squeeze. Ronan’s smile brightened, and I couldn’t help returning with a small smile. 

“Ronan,” I said, “I’m sorry.” 

His smile faltered. “You’re a wonderful guy. God do I sound cliché. But you are. I just…” I trailed off, unsure of how to tell him. 

He nodded mutely, a little too hard, his eyes a little too wide to hide the disappointment. 

I settled with as close to the truth as I could get, “You know Hisoka? The guy at the bar today.”

He nodded again. I wasn’t sure he was listening to me still. 

“Let’s just say there are a lot of dangerous guys like that around me. You’re honestly...better off far away from me. As far as you can go.” I said, giving him a small apologetic smile. 

His brows were crinkled, and I could see the hurt there. It wasn’t fair for him, to get pulled into the...whatever it is between Hisoka and I. And it certainly wouldn’t be fair if anything happened to him as a result of my family situation. 

Using the hand that was still in his, I tugged him towards me lightly. He followed, his eyes a bit wide. I drew him to me until our foreheads touched. “ _Ronan,_ ” I commanded with my nen. For more precise commands, it was better to be specific, better to use names, “ _Forget everything that happened with me. You met another girl today, but you can’t remember her face. You had too much to drink. Now, you’ll go home. You’ll go to bed, and you won’t remember me. You won’t remember Hisoka. You won’t remember what happened tonight.”_ His face went slack. I watched his wide eyes go blank, the moment my nen entered him and changed him. I saw the moment the memory disappeared, wiped clean as if it never happened. 

When he stood up, his hand slid away and I let him go. He walked to the door and disappeared out of my room moments before I heard the front door click open. I never heard the door close. 

“ _My doll_ , you always surprise me.” Hisoka said from the open window. 

He sat on the window ledge. I hadn’t seen him or heard him until he had spoken. I wondered how long he had been there. Apparently long enough to see me wipe Ronan’s memories. The bar was decently close by, a 15 minute brisk walk. I guess it was no surprise that Hisoka had come back already. Though I can’t help but wonder if he had just left the girl there after. _Like he had left me..._

“You saved me the trouble of killing him.” He said, his voice even, the same smile hung on his lips. I looked at him then, really looked. His amber eyes hadn’t changed. The smile pulled up at the corners as they always did. He just said he would kill Ronan for something as small as...what? For touching ‘ _his toy_ ’? Nevermind that I wasn’t his. But to kill him for something so small. And the fact that I had anticipated he might do so, which is why I wiped Ronan’s memories… What was I doing? I touched my shoulder. I carried the weight of all of those lives on my back. How could I go and fall in love with… 

And then there was the part of me that was _happy_. Happy that he had left the girl there. Happy that he had come to find me. Happy that he was bothered by Ronan. Happy that he wanted to _kill_ him. At this point, even I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. Did I _want_ him to kill Ronan or not? 

Hisoka’s hand grazed my cheek and I jerked away, surprised. He frowned at me. I hadn’t noticed him move. I hadn’t noticed anything… Not the fact that he was just like the family that I ran away from, or the fact that he doesn’t love me in the least. No, I knew, but I fell in love anyway. I allowed myself to fall in love. That was on me. 

“Hisoka.” I said, turning hard eyes to the man that sat in front of me on the bed. “ _Get out of my room._ ” 

He stiffened, a strained smile appearing on his face as his body moved without his permission. 

“ _Get out. Lock the door. Stay out._ ” I commanded, and he had no choice but to do just as I said. The door clicked shut. 

“ _My doll_ ,” Hisoka called from outside the door. I ignored him. After a while, a loud bang sent pieces of wood flying across my room. Pieces of the door littered the ground. Hisoka stood outside the door frame, a dark frown taut on his lips. He was still outside my room. 

I sighed. I guess I hadn’t specified what he could or couldn’t do outside. _Lesson learned._

“ _My doll,_ don’t test my patience.” He warned, still unable to enter. 

Heaving another breath out, I lay back down, pulling the blankets over my head. I was too beyond tired and numb to deal with any of this. 

“Luna,” he finally called me by my name. Had it been that hard? 

“ _Go to sleep._ ” I commanded. I heard the creak of a piece of door being stepped on and I threw off the blankets to see Hisoka striding over with a smile. 

God damn it. Guess I _hadn’t_ learned my lesson. “ _Outside. Go sleep in the guest room. When you touch the bed, you will fall asleep. Don’t wake up until 9AM!”_ I shouted at him. He resisted. His body froze as he fought tooth and nail for control of his body. I could see his muscles straining as they were being pulled in two different directions. He couldn’t come closer, but I couldn’t make him leave. 

“ _My doll_ , why are you angry?” He asked, his voice strained. The fact that he was asking me this question proved how irreconcilable we were. Not that there was anything to reconcile in the first place. You can’t fix things that are broken. But you don’t need to fix anything if nothing was together in the first place. 

“ _Get OUT.”_ I commanded harder this time. He took a step towards the door, then nen appeared on his feet. The guy had bungee gummed himself to the floor!

“Hisoka!” I cried, seriously about to lose my temper now. 

“Answer me.” He said, his voice hard. 

I looked into his amber eyes. He really didn’t know what was making me so angry. He really had no idea. 

“Hisoka…” I trailed off, incredulous, “I said I loved you.” 

He smiled, “Then let me hold you.” 

“You…” I tried, my brows crinkled, “You avoided me. After I said I loved you, you avoided me. You wouldn’t eat with me anymore, you were out all the time. And then today--” 

“So you were lonely and jealous?” Hisoka concluded with another easy smile, “I will make it up to you.” 

I was speechless. 

“Hisoka, what is love to you anyway?” I asked.

He frowned then, as if the question had caught him off guard, as if he had never thought about it before. “Love is a most enjoyable pastime. I guess it’s something to do while I wait to find someone worth fighting.” He said after contemplating for a bit.

I closed my mouth, wondering how I was going to make him understand, if it was even possible. “Did you love your mother?” I asked, and I knew I was going somewhere Hisoka would not like. As expected, his eyes darkened. 

“Why do you ask about my mother, _my doll_?” 

“Did you?” I repeated my question. 

His face went blank. Not a smile, not a frown. It was just blank. Dangerously blank. “Yes.” His voice had also gone flat. 

“I loved you. The same way you loved your mother.” I said. 

He was silent, so I continued, “It was more. I wanted to sleep with you, to eat with you, to spend everyday together. I wanted to go out together, to see the world with you at my side. I wanted...I wanted a _life_ together with you.” The waterworks had churned on. Hot globs were spilling over again. How perfectly predictable. I wondered how one got over being a crybaby. Is this something you get over? Something you outgrow? 

I wiped them away, but more spilled over to take its place. “That kind of love...That kind of love can’t stand watching you hold another woman.” 

Hisoka watched me cry, a blank frown on his face as he studied me.

“I know,” I said, “I know we weren’t together. You didn’t say anything about loving me back. You didn’t promise me anything. We weren’t anything. So I don’t have a right to be mad at you. It’s all just in my head, confessing one-sidedly, falling in love, expecting things, it’s all on me. So I’m not blaming you.” The tears blurred my vision. Hisoka was hazy to me at best. And my nose had started to fill up to slowly suffocate me more than I was already suffocating. “So let me go. Leave me be. Don’t get my hopes up anymore.” 

A finger grazed my cheek. Some time while I was busy scrubbing my face, Hisoka had managed to move next to me. More of his bungee gum was now connecting him to multiple surfaces of the room, holding him in place. The finger was gentle, wiping away another stray tear that had spilled over. His amber eyes were soft now. 

I smiled and my voice cracked. “This is what I mean by don’t get my hopes up.” 

I sucked in a long breath of air through my mouth, then exhaled it the same way. Sitting up a bit, I closed the distance between us. My lips locked with his and I kissed him for the last time. He responded to my kiss, his lips pushing back as he bit me eagerly. I smiled into the kiss. I was going to miss this. I was really going to miss this. With closed eyes, I committed it all to memory. The way his lips moved, the way they felt, the warmth, his breath against my skin, the scent of strawberries and bubble gum, the way his hands tangled my hair, how his warm fingers felt against my neck, against my scalp, the wonderful shivers that they sent down my spine. When they were all carved into memory, I pulled away, my fingers tracing the feeling lingering on my lips, holding them there just for a little bit longer before they faded. 

When I opened my eyes again, Hisoka was smiling at me. 

“ _Sleep_.” I commanded, and his smile faltered, his eyes widening a fraction before they fluttered closed. Hisoka collapsed and I cradled his body against mine one last time before laying him on the bed. He looked so serene. It was only a few days ago when I was staring at his sleeping face just like I was now, when everything was still perfect. A false perfect, but at least I had been happy. I pulled the blankets up to cover him from the cold. Hisoka usually burned on the hotter side, so I left the window open and pulled on the dress I had worn earlier. Stepping over the mess of the door, I gathered only my phone and wallet before pausing at the front door. 

Where would I go now? It was the middle of the night. I wondered if the airport the next town over would be open. But even if it was, where would I go? 

My phone rang again. There was only one person who would call me at this hour, and the ‘Unknown’ flashing on the display screen only confirmed my suspicion. 

I answered.

“Come out.” Sol’s voice said from the other end. 

I sighed and stepped out of my house to look around on the street. There was a black expensive looking car parked on the side of the road. A suited man stood with the door open, waiting. 

“That’s Clyde. He’ll take you home.” Sol said, as if he was watching me. 

“Where are you?” I asked. 

“Business.” 

“I didn’t say I was going home.” 

“Do you have anywhere else to go?” 

I went silent. Where was his stupid tail anyway? “I can go anywhere. Just hop on an airship and we’ll see.” 

I heard a soft sigh. It was more of a breath, really. “Just come home.” 

“Why, because it’s my birthday soon?” 

Another sigh. An actual sigh this time, “Uncle knows about him.” 

I narrowed my eyes, “Knows about _who_?”

“Hisoka Morow. 27. A hunter licensed by the Hunter’s Association. A floor master at the Heaven’s Arena. Possible member of the Phantom Troupe. Current affiliations unknown.” He paused, “Kill count, too many to know. My dear sister, has your taste in men changed?” 

I gritted my teeth, “I don’t know what you mean. I’ve never dated anyone before.” 

Silence. “You’re right. I almost forgot.” A pause. “Still, I thought your type was the cute and sweet. The nice guys. Charismatic, black hair, chocolate brown eyes. Devoted. Loyal. _Stubborn_.”

“You sound like you’re describing someone.” I said, “Why, were there rumors in school that I was seeing someone?” 

“No. Just a thought.” Sol went quiet again.

“Sol?” I called, pulling away the phone to check to see if the line was still connected. It was. 

He hummed his reply. “Come home. I’ve missed you.” 

It has been four years since I had last seen Sol. We were inseparable before… I really did miss him. 

“If you still have feelings for your little Murderer, then come home. Before Uncle decides to rid him of one of his fingers.” Sol said, his voice completely even. I wasn’t even sure if he was joking or not. I hoped he was. 

“Don’t call him that.” I said, a bit angry. 

He hummed in response again. “I’ll see you soon.” And the line clicked shut. I hadn’t even said I was going. But he knew I was. He knew I was going to come home because the moment I realized I was in love with Hisoka, I knew this day would come too. That was why there was always a tail on me. I mean, sure, I’m sure part of his job description included making sure I was safe and to report my travel plans to my family, but the main part of it was probably to keep track of my relations. I knew this, and yet I still couldn’t help falling in love. That was how stupid I was. 

I got into the car with the wordless man called Clyde, and watched as the house grew smaller until we turned a corner. I watched the coffee shop bustle as they prepared for their opening, the bar as the last of the people trailed out of it drunk, still high on the happiness of a night well lived. The car drove past the abandoned buildings where the children huddled together for warmth, and past the orphanage that was set to open soon. When we passed by the candy shop, I strained to see it, to commit it to memory, until I could see even with my eyes closed, the dingy orange sign outside that read “SALE” in large black letters written clumsily by hand rather than printed. And if I closed them further, and imagined, I could see that pink hair spiked upwards, a star and teardrop hanging below a pair of mesmerizing amber eyes, the alluring curl of lips that brought me to my knees… And if, behind closed eyes, I could approach that man, I just might be able to wrap my arms around that white alabaster neck to smell strawberries and the faintest hint of bubble gum.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The birthday wish and the Painter.

_Sol was standing at the back with Father and a few select members who knew about my ability. I was glad I didn’t have to face him right now. The last thing I needed was to be reminded of what happened earlier today. What I was about to do was already hard enough._

_Uncle walked forward with an iPad in his gloved hand. He turned the screen until I could see that it was a picture of a house, being transmitted in real time. I recognized the sparse patches of daisies planted sporadically in the small dirt square the Deveroux family called a “front garden.” The familiar dirty white brick wall took up half the screen. A small rusted green gate swung permanently open. They never bothered to close the gate. It was probably rusted beyond hope to twist close anyway._

_“I hope Miss will remember her duties.” Uncle said sternly._

_I scoffed. How could I forget with them_ reminding _me like this with a live feed of Roanne’s house?_

_Uncle handed me a stapled stack of papers with a list of names and a small photograph next to each one. I took the packet and thumbed to the last page. The list was numbered. And the last man was number 57. 57 lives. It was suddenly hard to breathe._

_Number 57 looked like any normal man off the street. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had walked into our classroom and called himself our substitute teacher. Tousled brown hair was chopped short in a very normal cut that beauticians could probably cut in their sleep with their eyes closed. Black rimmed glasses hung on the bridge of his nose, hiding a set of dark brown eyes. A friendly smile shone up at me through the paper._

_“Why does he need to die? He looks like a normal guy.” I asked, lifting the paper at Uncle._

_“That is not of your concern, Miss Luna. All you need to know is that his death is essential to the growth of the Vermillion family.”_

_I gritted my teeth. “I think you have the wrong guy.” I insisted again, “Look at him!” I shoved the paper at Uncle, who took it with a sigh._

_Uncle narrowed his eyes at Number 57. “Hanzaki Rihito. Of Jappon descent. The treasurer and main accountant of the Blackthorne family. He joined 6 years ago in order to get enough money to resolve his family’s debt. He currently has a daughter of 10 on the hospital waitlist for a liver donor. The Blackthorne family relies on him for negotiations with the Japponese yakuza because the daughter’s life is in their hands. His death will sever relations with the Japponese and cut off the Blackthornes from their income. He is quite capable. I assume it will be a very long while before they can find an adequate replacement for him.”_

_My face crumbled. A daughter of 10 waiting for a liver donor. A 10 year old daughter that will never see her father again. This man, Hanzaki Rihito, is not doing this because he wants to. I’m sure he would want to quit if he could! If given the chance!_

_“Then let’s bring him over!” I argued, “Uncle, you said yourself that he is a capable person! He’s an accountant and also skilled in negotiations with the Japponese! Why not use him instead? Isn’t it a waste to--”_

_“Miss Luna.” Uncle silenced me. “Will you save all of them this way? Let us consider for a moment that your Father will agree to your nonsense. What guarantee will we have that he will work loyally for us? What guarantee do we have that he will not betray us just as he will be betraying the Blackthorne family? And even if he does willingly work for us,_ who is next?” 

_“I don’t...understand…”_

_“Who will you attempt to save next, Miss Luna? Is it Vittero Devint? Then what about Jean Claude Rosim? They are equally as ‘innocent’ as you would call Hanzaki Rihito, and much more capable. Will you not save them too?” Uncle paused. “Miss Luna. Excuse me for saying so, but your mercy is nothing more than your own selfish whims. Your mercy is not real mercy. Your kindness is not kindness. You are simply trying to ease your own consciousness. Did your abilities really make you believe you can do anything?...Are you trying to play god?”_

_“Uncle.” Sol interrupted, stepping onto the altar. “You are going too far._ Know your place. _” Sol’s eyes narrowed with a murderous glare that was altogether foreign to me._

_Uncle bowed. “Please excuse me, young master.” Uncle descended the steps to take Sol’s place by Father’s side._

_My eyes were too wide. A voice in my head repeated ‘no, no, no’ like a magic spell that might ward off evil if I said it long enough, loud enough. I stumbled to the top of the altar, the packet of names dangling from my hand._

_“I’m not god...I’m not...I’m not trying to play god. I swear I’m not. I just wanted to save them… I didn’t want to kill them…” I mumbled under my breath._

_“It is almost time.” A servant with a watch in her hand called from behind._

_I shook my head. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t! I wasn’t trying to play god, but I just couldn’t! I’m not, I won’t--_

_A dull tapping sound came from behind. The sound of a gloved finger tapping on the iPad screen. I choked out a sob as the watch in the servant’s hand rung, letting out a shrill of beeps._

_My nen surged. It was as if there was a treasure box, deep inside of me in a place that I can’t reach normally. And inside this box, although small, contained all the nen of the universe densely packed into one little space. And that box had burst open at the sound of the alarm. If nen had a physical form, it would have ripped me apart from the force alone._

_Uncle’s words had stung. And they continued to prickle, especially now, with the high of the nen riding down on me. I truly felt as if I could do anything. I could topple mountains, empty oceans. I could slaughter an entire continent of people if I so wished to. It really was as Uncle said. I...was playing god._

_The tapping sound came again._

_With one last sob, I read the list of names, one by one, going down the list until I hit number 57. “...and Hanzaki Rihito. By the time this day ends, all of them will be met with accidents: falling from buildings, stray car accidents, gas explosions, toppled buildings, heart attacks... They will meet their death swiftly, without any pain.” I spoke, and with the last word uttered, the nen rushed out into the night._ May they rest in peace… 

_It was done. I stumbled down the steps of the altar. The moment the minute had ended, the servant’s alarm had rang again, and I felt every single person on that list die. I felt my nen stop their heart, felt my nen direct a car to smash into them, to crumble their bodies, felt their last breaths the moment the building toppled over._

_Hanzaki Rihito had died at his daughter’s bedside. I had felt the weight of the Christmas present in his pocket when I had stopped his heart, when he had fallen over onto his daughter’s bedside where she slept. A Christmas carol played outside her fogged window on the streets. Hanzaki Rihito had turned up the temperature of the room, to keep her warm and comfortable on the night of Christmas Eve. So that they could welcome Christmas together in the morning… He had planned to give her the present the moment she opened her eyes, first thing. He had planned to tell her how happy he was that they could welcome another Christmas together. He had wanted to promise that she would have many more Christmases after this one..._

_Sol caught my arm, and he pulled me from the vision remnants of my nen that lingered by the people I had just murdered._

_“It’s not your fault.” He said._

_I jerked my hand away. “Stay away from me!”_

_Sol didn’t follow me. Instead, I heard his footsteps ascend the altar. What he was going to do up there, I didn’t care, didn’t_ want _to care. I knew I was taking out my anger on him, but I was done caring about Sol. Right at that moment, I hated him with all of my being._

_I stumbled into the house._

_“Miss…” A servant greeted from the side. I think her name was Alice. Alice’s brows were knitted in concern. How unusual. A servant of the Vermillion house that wasn’t an emotionless killing machine. I chuckled._

_“Call the Painter for me.” I ordered._

_Her eyes widened, her mouth hung agape. “Miss…”_

_“Do as I say.” I said softly, “Please.”_

_She nodded once before leaving, the concern still lingered._

_Something hit me then, a powerful gust of nen that had hurtled through the window. I gasped when it enveloped me, suffocated me, doing_ something _to me, and as suddenly as it came, it broke like a bubble and disappeared, dispersing into the midnight air._

_I was left blinking in the dark, empty hallway. What had I been doing…? Oh yes, the Painter… I shuffled to the waiting room for the servant to bring the Painter to me._

♠♥♣♦

_Alice had brought the Painter to me, and we had gone together to his little “work station,” which was just a room in our extensive basement that sometimes doubled as a prison._

_I bit down on the cloth between my teeth, gritting down on another scream that had boiled past my throat. I was topless, my hair pushed to one side, and my back bare for the man working behind me. His hands had paused again. I turned to give him a nod and he swallowed, then raised his tattoo needle coated with nen. When the needle touched my skin, an involuntary scream frothed from gritted teeth. It felt like he had just taken a branding iron to my back. The searing pain sent another bout of screams foaming at my mouth._

_The door in front of me opened, and I flickered unfocused eyes to Sol. He entered with a frown and a persistent wrinkle between his brows. Blue-grey eyes flashed to the man behind me and his nen flared. I reached for his hand, turning his attention back to me. His nen quieted._

_“Is there a need to go this far?” Sol asked. He was referring to the man behind me. The man wasn’t just any tattoo artist. He was an infamous underworld torturer that calls himself the Painter who enjoys the patronage of many the mafia clientele. His nen needle causes excruciating pain, as if being branded by an iron, but the actual damage to the body is as mundane as getting a bloody tattoo. The Painter’s ink can never be erased. Even if the skin is flayed off, the ink will simply reappear on the new skin. Hence, the Painter was often commissioned to brand traitors and the like forever, so that they may always bear the mark of shame._

_“Keep going.” I told the Painter, who had been eyeing Sol the entire time._

_“Miss…” The Painter began hesitantly._

_“I said keep going.” I insisted, harder this time. He paused, no doubt waiting for Sol to interject, but when my brother stayed silent, the Painter blew out a breath and dipped his needle back to my skin. 57 spider lilies. That had been the number of lives I’d taken today, no, it should be yesterday now. 57 people that will never live to see Christmas._

_When the Painter had finished all 57 flowers, I collapsed in my seat. Another caveat to the Painter’s ability was that it forcefully kept the person being tattooed completely conscious throughout the entire process. Now that he was done, the unbearable pain began to corrode at my consciousness. And perhaps this was a reprieve, but I could not allow myself even that. I didn’t deserve it. And...this pain was a reminder. A reminder that what I had just done was a sin that went against the way of humanity. This was punishment, a punishment that lashes into the ground very clearly a line that separates the monster that I had become...from becoming something worse. I must never allow myself to cross this line._

_I pushed myself back upright, tearing at the bloody wound, and Sol was there to help me the rest of the way. He leaned me against him again, like he had done all those years ago the first time I had killed. Really, nothing had changed._

_“If Deveroux does not die, Uncle will use him again.” Sol said. And he was right. I buried my face in his neck, my eyes already dried of tears from the ritual yesterday. The last of my tears had been used on the first few flowers. Now I was dry. So completely dry and empty of tears. It felt like my heart was empty, like the things that should’ve been there were gone now. Had my tears been pieces of my heart?_

_“I’ll never see him again.” I concluded, my heart empty. It felt like a core piece of me had died. Everything was so...empty. “Monsters...don’t belong with humans.” I said._

_Sol squeezed my hand. “You’re right. We don’t belong with them. We belong together.”_

_“Luna,” Sol began again after a long pause, “Do you remember what you told me all those years ago? About the sun and the moon?”_

_I blinked, then nodded mutely._

_Sol wrapped his hand around me, his arm tightening around the moist skin on my back. I winced, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I’m your sun, Luna. All you need is me. I will never leave you.”_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna has been back home for a month. Sol invites her to lunch and introduces her to her new bodyguard.

Huddling into my fluffy bathrobe that Sol had gifted me a long time ago, I gazed out the second story balcony to the crystalline white scenery straight out of a fantastical story. Snow covered everything, from the pine trees that decorated the courtyard to the fountain that no longer funneled water, to the tiled walkways that lead to gazebos that were all equally covered in a blanket of white. What was perhaps the most fantastical about this view that resembled the ice queen’s castle, was the sudden splashes of color hidden underneath the pristine snow. I squinted my eyes at the gazebo, pressing my face against the cold glass door for a better look. My breath fogged up the glass in a cloud of white and I held my breath to wait for the condensation to thaw.

On top of the snow blanketed gazebo, there were indeed flowers growing. And with the vibrancy in color, they were probably in full bloom. 

“They’re nen flowers.” Sol said from the open door, startling me. He stood just inside the room. I hadn’t heard him come, nor the door opening. Sol was dressed lavishly, in a white button up dress shirt and a silver vest. The material was clearly silk. Only silk had that soft glean. He had grown his hair out until it was waist length, but for the past month that I had been here, I had only ever seen it tied back with a ribbon. I wondered what he would look like with it down. Would he look more like me? 

Tucking away my own silver locks behind my ears, I exhaled. “Someone’s ability?” I asked, turning again to the half covered flowers. 

Sol hummed in affirmation, joining me by the window. “Each flower has a different property. He plants a flower seed a day and waters them with his nen until they bloom. Apparently the properties of the flowers that bloom are influenced by his mood while watering them. Even he doesn’t know what properties they have until they’ve bloomed. The tested ones have been mainly poisonous, some aphrodisiacs, but some help with healing.” 

I frowned. It was a strange ability for sure. Among all the professionals I’ve met, I haven’t met anyone with as...particular a choice for their ability. The ability was clearly more of a supporting type, but for even the caster to not know what kind of properties the flowers have… I couldn’t imagine why anyone would choose such an unreliable ability.

“They love plants.” Sol answered, as if he read my mind again. He always seemed to know what I was thinking. “Apparently part of the joy of planting comes from the surprise of when they bloom.” 

I crinkled my brows. “Why does he sound like a gardener?” 

“Because he is.” 

I frowned harder. Though before I could ask my question, Sol was already heading for the door. “Get dressed. Have lunch with me today.” 

I opened my mouth to protest. 

Sol cut me off, “I’m not delivering your meals to your room anymore. You can’t avoid them forever.” 

I set my lips in a pout, but Sol ignored me and shut the door. Or maybe he hadn’t seen. Either way, I was left with a choice of starving for lunch or going out to eat with Uncle and Father. I almost preferred to starve. 

♠♥♣♦

I walked into the dining room stiffly, uncomfortable in the expensive silk dress that hugged my body a little more than I would have liked it. Apparently Sol had replaced all my dresses from before and filled it with dresses that suited his tastes. It honestly wasn’t the dress that made me uncomfortable. The damn dress was made of 100% silk for god’s sake. It was double lined; there was another layer of silk fabric on the inside that made the dress thicker and also smoother since you couldn’t feel the seam lines against the skin. No, the dress itself was probably the most comfortable dress I had ever worn. What I meant by uncomfortable, aside from the fact that I was walking into a dining room to eat with my Father and Uncle, was how showy this dress was. It was a shoulderless piece, with long sleeves that started a few inches under my shoulder. The length of the dress did go to my knee, but there was also a long slit on the side that traveled high up enough that I was worried I might flash someone. And this had been the most modest of the dresses in my new closet. 

Walking into the dining room, I sent a glare at Sol before taking the seat next to him. We were still the only ones there. Uncle and Father hadn’t arrived yet, luckily for me. If I was to sit next to anyone, I preferred Sol, even if I was currently ticked off at him. 

He smiled at me appreciatively, giving the dress a once over. 

I frowned harder. “What happened to my old dresses?” I hissed quietly, afraid that Uncle and Father would come in any minute. 

Sol’s smile widened. “Burned them.” 

I gave him wide eyes. 

He chuckled and spread the cloth napkin on his lap. “They wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.” 

Frowning again, I mirrored the etiquette, nearly having forgotten all my table manners. “What are you talking about? I stopped growing a long time ago.” 

“Sideways.” 

I glared at him. 

Sol laughed again. “You don’t like the dress? You have to admit that it’s comfortable.” 

“Yes, yes it’s 100% silk. It’s impossible _not_ to be comfortable. That’s not the problem. _This_ ,” I motioned to my bare shoulders and thigh, “is the problem!”

Sol’s eyes glittered and I noticed that they had darkened a few shades. They were no longer the same ice-blue aquamarine that matched my own, but rather a darker blue. Sapphires. Before, I could stand next to him in the mirror and be able to list all the minute differences that most people aside from us couldn’t recognize. But now...I could only pick out a few traits that we still shared: Aside from our silver hair and pale skin, it seemed nothing else was the same anymore. 

“You will need that dress for later.” He answered cryptically. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, surfacing slowly from the strange sense of melancholy. 

Sol only smiled. He was infuriating that way. 

The maids and servants started to serve the food and my eyes flew back to the door, then to the empty seats. 

“They’re not coming today,” Sol answered again before I could ask. “Luckily for you, they have business today.” 

I blinked at Sol. “But you said…” 

“I thought it would be easier for you to get used to eating here while it’s just the two of us first.” 

“You…” I trailed off stupidly. 

“Eat, dear sister. Put some food in that sack of bones for me and close that sweet mouth of yours.” 

I opened my mouth to shoot something back, but the chef chose that moment to reach around me and serve a dish of delicious roasted pork chop. The tantalizing smell made my mouth water and I was completely occupied with the plate in front of me to gripe further with my brother. For the past month that I had been holed up in my room, they had only served me regular food (non-gourmet). The bastards. 

“It’s incentive.” Sol said, “How else will I get you to come out of your cave?” 

I groaned. How well my brother knows me. 

♠♥♣♦

The lunch was delicious. Even the steak Hisoka had made one time paled in comparison. Though I wondered how Hisoka would compare if he learned the recipe. Hisoka learned everything at an astonishing rate. He would glance through my recipe book once, and next thing I knew, he was a master chef working his magic in the kitchen without needing to consult the book again. This was something that Hisoka and Sol both shared. They were both geniuses, through and through. I found myself smiling, and then immediately frowned. 

What was I doing thinking about Hisoka again? 

“Call him in.” Sol said, and I was glad for the distraction that would keep my thoughts occupied with anything but _him_. 

I looked to the door that opened soundlessly despite its size. Escorted by men in black suits, a slender man with loose blonde hair and a pair of deep emerald green eyes entered the room. He wore a simple dress shirt and dark blue dress pants that disappeared into a pair of black boots. When he entered, his emerald eyes flitted to me, still seated at the dining table, and he smiled, his lips curling upwards in a way that sent a shiver down my spine. It was familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time. I was confident that I had never met him before. He was much too… _princely_ to be forgotten. But when he smiled at me, it was as if I had seen that smile countless times before…

“This is Shirushi.” Sol introduced, lifting his napkin to dab at his mouth before setting it on the table. “He’ll be your bodyguard starting today.” 

“I don’t need a bodyguard.” I said, setting hard eyes to Sol who had risen from his seat. Copying Sol, I quickly wiped my mouth with the napkin and stood to follow Sol, who had moved over to the couch. He sat, and the two escorts walked Shirushi over. Sol motioned for me to take a seat next to him, which I obeyed despite the protest gleaming in my eyes. 

“You will.” Sol replied, “We’ll be going to negotiate with the Luciano family for dinner. You will need a dedicated bodyguard. I newly hired Shirushi, but he has proven himself more than capable.” 

“We’ll be _what_?” I exclaimed, “You haven’t told me anything.” 

“I’m telling you now.” 

“I didn’t say I would help out.” I said quietly, glancing sideways to Shirushi and the two guards. Shirushi was smiling at me still. Come to think of it, he hadn’t taken his eyes off me the entire time. It was...unsettling. 

Sol sighed, then turned sapphire eyes to me. They were tired. His eyes. There was a hardness there, a tightness just underneath, hinting that perhaps he was struggling more than his grandeur exterior let on. In the past month that I had been here, I could count on one hand the number of times I had actually seen Sol. For how much he had wanted me home, it was unusual for him to leave me alone so often. I could only assume that he had truly been busy. It could not have been easy running a mafia family, much less one as powerful as ours. I had always thought Sol perfect. He could easily do all the things I could not that it had never occurred to me the simple fact that he, too, was only human. 

I frowned, and I found myself concerned for my twin brother who had been forced to mature and take on burdens that even adults could not find themselves shouldering, at much too early an age. He had gone through so much for the family, for me. 

My eyes stung, and my voice broke a little when I finally spoke again, “Are you okay?”

Sol forced a smile and he exhaled again. With a wave of his hand, the two guards took Shirushi back out the door and we were alone. “Is this the first time you’ve ever asked me that?” Sol asked with a chuckle. My eyes widened. It was. It _was_ the first time. I couldn’t recall that I had ever asked him that. A simple, _are you okay? Are you doing well? How are you?_ I had never once asked my brother this. There was no way he was well. He was so innocent in the past. To become the person he is now...there was no way he was okay. How many times had he needed to kill off his emotions? How many times had he needed to do something that went against what he believed in, for the family, for _me?_ It was no secret he had always taken on all the “dirty” jobs that should’ve been my burden to bear. And I had allowed him to do so, time and time again, without even questioning what it would cost Sol…

“I’m sorry.” I cried, my hands reaching for Sol’s. He laced his fingers through mine and I gave them a squeeze. 

Taking a deep breath in, Sol exhaled shakily with another smile. “I really do need your help this time, Luna.” He began, “I won’t make you kill anyone. No one will need to die if all goes well. It’s negotiations. The Ten Families have started to rally against us. There are already talks of families merging.” 

I nodded, trying to piece together the situation based on what I knew. The former Ten Dons were murdered a few years back during the infamous Yorknew City auction. There’s speculation as to how the assassins were able to find the secretive location. There are rumors that someone in one of the families had sold them out, perhaps a potential successor that wanted the seat as head of the family. This was quite likely, as the aftermath of the assassinations had indeed been bloody. Each family went through a purge as they fought for the seat of the head within their family. Because of this, it had greatly weakened all ten families. The community had taken a hit. Though there was another rumor, that it had been an assassin of the Zoldyck’s that had done the job, despite the Zoldycks having been hired by the Ten Dons to kill the head of the Phantom Troupe at the same time they had been murdered. No one knows for sure. Either way, Sol had taken the chance to expand the Vermillion family deep into the underworld community to take their place. 

“We’ll only be negotiating?” I asked, just to be sure. 

Sol nodded. “Using force isn’t going to do anything except anger them into merging against us. It’s much easier to negotiate with the families individually and pit them against each other. They’ve always been rivals. They won’t easily trust each other.” 

I nodded slowly, then rose aquamarine eyes to meet his sapphires. “Tell me what I have to do.” 

♠♥♣♦

Sol led me with my hand on his arm, to the door that swung open from the outside. A blank-faced guard on either side held the door open and my bodyguard Shirushi stood with a lazy smile just outside. I wondered if they could hear us through the closed doors. How else would they know that we were exiting? But from experience, I knew the Vermillion family invested heavily into soundproof walls. You couldn’t exactly have people eavesdropping on secret meetings just because the walls were too thin. 

“Shirushi, this is Luna, your ward.” Sol said, his eyes icy as he watched my new bodyguard smile at me. When the doors opened, Shirushi only had eyes for me. He hadn’t even glanced Sol’s way. I frowned, wondering if this was going to be a problem. 

“My _Luna._ ” Shirushi smiled. 

Sol frowned, stepping in front of me and glared at the overly friendly man, “You will address her as _Miss_. Is that _understood_?” 

Shirushi finally turned his emerald eyes away from me to frown at my brother. The expression was...somehow so familiar. 

I tugged at Sol’s hand, pulling his attention back to me. “It’s okay. I prefer being called Luna. It’s been awhile since I’ve come back, so I’m not used to ‘Miss’ anymore.” I explained with a smile. 

Sol still leveled a glare at Shirushi, who was frowning lightly with his gaze turned away, ignoring him entirely. I really wondered where Sol had found this guy from. Add to the fact that Sol had hired him anyway, despite his attitude, spoke volumes about how capable Shirushi was. 

Sol finally shifted his gaze back to me, the crease between his brows relaxing. “Tell me if he causes trouble for you.” Sol said, using my hand on his arm to pull me towards him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me there while I stood there awkwardly. It had been so long since we had last hugged. It was awkward, yet…it wasn’t unfamiliar.

I placed my hands against his back, and I hugged him back tightly like we used to before. Burying my face in his shoulder, I breathed in Sol’s expensive cologne that I can’t even begin to describe. Inhaling deeper, I finally found Sol’s familiar scent, that musky smell that I had grown up with. All those nights that I could not sleep and had wandered to Sol’s bed to bury myself in this smell. It was the smell of home, the smell of someone who loved me, the smell of someone I loved. 

I really needed this hug, but we were still in the company of others, strangers. I pulled away and Sol let me go with a soft smile. 

“We’ll be leaving at 5. What you’re wearing now is fine.” Sol said before finally disappearing down the hallway to his office. He probably had more things to prepare. I was left alone in the hallway with Shirushi, who had gone back to staring at me like I was the love of his life. 

I gave him a polite smile, but it was honestly a little unnerving. “I’m going to take a short nap. You can go back to your room or wherever you need to go.” I said. 

“I will go where you go.” He replied easily, his emerald eyes sparkling. 

I frowned. “I don’t need to be guarded inside the house, do I?” 

“I was told to guard you at all times.”

“Even inside my room?” 

“ _At all times~_ ” Shirushi said, and the princely façade flickered, momentarily replaced by something darker, something that resembled the villain more than it did the prince rescuing the damsel. I blinked, and Shirushi was back to just being another fairy tale prince again. Had I imagined it?

Shaking my head, I headed down the hallway back towards my room, speaking to Shirushi as he followed behind me. I could still feel his eyes boring holes into my back. It made me tense the entire way. 

“You said your name is Shirushi?” I asked, “What’s your last name?” 

“I do not have one. It is simply Shirushi.” 

I frowned, but wasn’t too surprised. Many people in the community actually didn’t have last names. Last names meant you belonged somewhere. Meant that you had a family that raised you, a place to call home. Many people that ended up in the community didn’t have that kind of upbringing. Or perhaps they chose to abandon it. Either way, it wasn’t all that uncommon. “How old are you?” 

“28.” Shirushi replied smoothly. 

I frowned harder. It didn’t seem like a lie. Usually people pause when coming up with their lies. He had replied much too smoothly for it to seem like a lie. “Do you have parents?” 

“Father passed away when I was young. Mother a little bit later.” 

“I’m sorry.” I paused, feeling a little guilty that I was suspecting him. This would be the last question: “What’s your nen ability?” 

“I’m an enhancer. Enhancers don’t really have nen abilities. I am simply very strong.” Shirushi replied easily. 

I sighed. I had been wrong. It had honestly been wishful thinking. A wild delusion that had sprouted from one tiny similarity in the way he smiled. But of course it was only that, a delusion. “I’m sorry for asking all those questions.” I turned to him with a soft smile. “My name is Luna. I hope we get along well.” 

His eyes crinkled, the same lazy smile playing at his lips. 

“Your smile...just reminded me of someone.” I frowned, then shook my head, “Sorry.” I chuckled. 

He tilted his head in question and grinned. “Someone you love?” 

I gave an uncomfortable laugh before slowly nodding, then shook my head. “Mmm. It’s complicated.” I gave him my back again as I started up the winding stairs. My heels made it a little hard for me as I teetered a little on one of the steps. It had been so long since I had last worn heels. Shirushi appeared next to me, his fingers closing around my arm to steady me. Before I could thank him, he lifted me up straight off the stairs and bridal-carried me up the rest of the way. I let out a little squeal in surprise, then protested that he let me down, which he ignored with another smile. 

Shirushi was different in height. He wasn’t muscular, rather a lot more slender, but full of lean muscle. That much I could tell while I was pressed up against his arm and chest. Everything was different, even the way he smelled: a mix of something floral that I didn’t recognize. So then...why was it that I couldn’t help overlapping the two? The way he lifted me, then carried me up the stairs, was the exact same way Hisoka had carried me to the bathtub countless times. 

Yet I knew it wasn’t him. There were only so many ways to carry someone. It wasn’t surprising at all that they were similar. I was simply being delusional again. I bit my lip. I was still in love with him. So much so that I was seeing him everywhere, even in my bodyguard that was nothing like him. 

Shirushi set me down gently on the bed. I lay there, splayed out on the mattress as I stared up at the golden prince smiling down at me with a dark glint in his eyes. It was honestly because of the mood. I was sad, delusional, yet still in love, and therefore all the more _lonely_. 

“Do you like me?” I asked, a little too straight forward. I already said I was out of my mind. 

Shirushi’s lips curled wider, “I don’t think you should ask me that while... _lying_ there like that. Despite what I look like, I am still a _man_.” It was weird, the way he said it. It bothered me, but I didn’t want to think about that now. I was just so terribly lonely again from thinking about _him_. 

I lifted my heeled foot at him, and his fingers wrapped around my ankle to work at the straps. The skin where his fingers grazed burned, and when he unlaced one heel, I lifted the other for him. 

The heels disappeared somewhere, probably tossed to the side, and I sat up to give him my back. Pulling my hair out of the way, I revealed the back zipper. The bed moved as he positioned himself behind me. His lips grazed against my neck, my shoulder, before he set teeth to my skin. I winced from the sharp pain that immediately faded to pleasure. He left marks all over my back and neck while he slowly drew the zipper down, revealing more bare skin for him to mark. He took his time trailing kisses down my back until he pushed me over so that his lips could reach lower down. I moaned as my breaths came out in gasps each time he sank teeth into my skin, followed by his tongue that comforted the skin that he had just abused. Pain, then pleasure. He repeated it until I was left breathless underneath him. He finally pulled away, sitting up to look down at me with a glint in his eyes that said everything he was looking at was _his_. That look was so familiar it sent another shiver tumbling down my abused back. 

“ _My Luna_.” Shirushi whispered, “you’re so... _irresistible._ ” 

My eyes widened. “Hisoka…” 

Shirushi’s smile darkened, “Is that the name of your previous lover?” 

I frowned. I was doing it again. I shook my head. “It’s nothing…” I sat up, holding the front of my dress to my body as I hugged myself, the reality of what I had just done finally settling it. It felt like a betrayal. Like I had betrayed him. Though that made no sense. But then, love rarely ever made sense. 

“Wait outside…” I said, and he obeyed me after a pause. The door clicked softly behind him. What...was I doing? Just what was I doing? He’s my _bodyguard_ for god’s sake. I just met him a few minutes ago! This is why Hisoka treats me like I’m an easy woman, because I am! 

I buried my face into the covers to unsee his face, but behind my eyelids, carved deep into memory, was his amber eyes and that ever playful smile.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sol and Luna negotiate with the Luciano family. In the past, Luna has started being homeschooled since (recap) breaking up with Roanne and the ritual to kill 57 people and the interaction with the Painter. Luna has a stalker and something seems amiss at home.

(A bit of love from Hisoka since we haven't seen him in so long! ♥ Also, please excuse my art if it's not that great. I'm a writer, not an artist Dx) If you can't see the image, here's the [**link**](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/50944044732_a824108a56_k.jpg) (I'm so sad it doesn't work half the time)

♥♥♥

I had to find another dress, one that could cover my newly decorated neck, shoulder, and back. Luckily, there was such a dress in the new closet Sol had prepared. It was a high-necked dress with black lace and applique on sheer chiffon covering the neck, shoulders, and sleeves. There was a peek-a-boo slit right above the chest area that left the tops of my breast bare. A soft velvety fabric hugged my body from where the sheer applique top ended right where the slit was, to about mid-thigh. While it covered...what needed to be covered, it also left most of my legs bare. The suggestive placement of the little slit didn’t make me feel any better. But despite these unfortunate downsides, this dress was also very comfortable and fit me perfectly. It was also the only one that covered my neck, so I didn’t have much of a choice. 

Opening the door to my hallway, I found Shirushi leaning on the wall across from the door with his arms crossed. He had waited outside the entire time. A flash of guilt stung my chest, but I told myself this was his job. And plus, he could probably stand out here for days with no food or drinks and he’d probably be fine. Most ‘professionals’ would be. 

Emerald eyes fell immediately to my new dress that covered his handiwork and a dark smile played on his lips. It was in moments like these when I thought him more a villain than the prince. He gave me his arm and I took it hesitantly. It did make me feel more secure in these heels, but at the same time, Sol was not going to like it. I settled with taking his arm until we were a hallway down from Sol’s office, then dropping it to walk the rest of the way unassisted. Shirushi easily fell into step behind me with a knowing smile. 

The door to Sol’s office was open, but I knocked on the open door anyway to get his attention. He looked up, and his sapphire eyes immediately sparkled. “Luna. You’re just in time. That’s a first.” He joked. 

I rolled my eyes. It _was_ true I had a tendency to take too long to get ready before, but I liked to think I had matured in the past years. I could at least get ready in time. 

Sol stood and came over with Gin slithering behind him. I hadn’t seen him in awhile. I reached a hand out and Gin came over to bump my hand with his head like an affectionate cat would. “Have you gotten bigger?” I joked, letting him wrap more of his body around me. His scales were as cold as I remembered, but it was a comforting cool. He wrapped himself around me loosely, then turned glowing red eyes to Shirushi behind me. His tongue lapped out, tasting the air as he watched my bodyguard. 

“Gin doesn’t get bigger, you know that.” Sol said, taking out a black suitcase from a safe in the wall usually hidden away by a fake wall that was currently hanging wide open. The fake wall didn’t have much functional value as an actual hiding spot, but rather was more for aesthetics’ sake. The heavy steel safe didn’t exactly match the dark wooded color scheme of the room. 

“You sure? Maybe sideways?” I joked, bringing my attention back to Gin. 

Shirushi watched Gin, the same usual smile on his lips, but the way the two stared at each other...it was as if they were judging each other. I was suddenly uncomfortable with the way the pair, one wrapped around me, and the other a hand length away from me, were behaving. I held my breath against the tense air, as if I couldn’t breathe it in. Gin’s muscles tightened, coiling, which was the motion he takes right before he strikes…

Reaching a hand out to Shirushi, I grabbed his arm, then gently began to untangle myself from Gin. The movement had broken the tension, and Gin unwrapped himself to slither back to Sol’s side. Sol hadn’t seemed to notice the entire exchange. He closed the fake wall and handed the black suitcase to his secretary, Clive, who handcuffed the case to his wrists. 

Sol hadn’t mentioned anything about a suitcase when he was going over the plan with me. I turned questioning eyes to Sol and he set his lips. What was he hiding from me?

“Let’s go.” Sol said instead, and once again offered his arm to me. I took it, promising myself I would grill him afterwards. The clock on the wall read 4:55. 

He led me out to the snow covered courtyard, though the servants had already cleared off most of the snow from the walkways. A biting cold gust of wind made the goosebumps that had popped out all over my bare legs go screaming. I huddled tighter against Sol, and found myself cursing gender inequalities in such simple things as dress. Why did he get to wear long pants, long sleeves, double layered and here I am shivering half bare? 

Sol put an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest to help warm me up. I huddled closer. 

“Why are we out here?” I barely managed to make out through my chattering teeth. 

“We’re going to the meeting.” Sol replied matter-of-factly. 

“We’re meeting the Luciano family in our backyard?” I asked sarcastically. 

He chuckled, but didn’t respond. I grimaced. Curse him and his secrets. 

A young girl looking to be in her late teens early 20’s stepped forward in a bright red, beat-down snow jacket, dark blue pants, and a brown beanie. She stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the crowd of formally dressed servants and workers in their monochromatic dress code. One of the servants handed her a pill, which she swallowed without the aid of water.

I looked to Sol, who was still giving nothing away. 

The girl waited awhile, probably a few seconds, and then a nen aura appeared around her. I frowned. The nen aura was choppy and uneven, thin in some areas, thicker in others. She couldn’t control it well at all, but the amount and density was nothing to scoff at. But that made no sense. She was clearly an amateaur in nen, but the amount of her nen made her seem like a veteran. I had never seen anyone like this before. Stepping away from Sol, I approached the girl to get a closer look at her nen. Sol’s hand found my arm, stopping me. I gave him a hard frown. He better explain this. Now. 

Before I could make my brother explain to me what the hell was going on, the girl stepped into a nen amplifying symbol drawn on the ground. The workers all joined hands, one of them reaching a hand to Sol, who held me a little tighter. Shirushi reached a hand out to my free arm, and Sol’s sapphire eyes connected with his emerald ones. I once again found myself in the middle of a tug of war as the unfortunate metaphorical rope. 

“I’m going.” The girl said, her voice strained as sweat beaded her forehead. 

“What--” 

The world spun around me. It felt like I had suddenly been thrown into one of those amusement park rides that spin at mach speeds, making you feel like your insides are trying to crawl out of you. A dizzying rush of colors, different scenery that I couldn’t make heads or tails of, and suddenly we were dropped onto solid ground again, except, my head was still reeling. I clutched at Sol’s shirt, balling them up into fists as I struggled to keep my stomach from tumbling its way out of my mouth. 

“Sol,” I made out, staring at the ground as I tried to ground myself. I noticed that the ground was carpeted now. It was a fancy red and gold carpet that often decorated expensive high-class hotels. Marble floors expanded from the carpet, reflecting bright white light off its glittering expanse. When the dizziness and nausea had faded a bit, I could finally look around to see that we were in a hotel lobby of some sort. There were a few guards and workers that were a bit unsteady on their feet, but many, including Sol and Shirushi, were fine. Although, Shirushi was frowning as hard as I was. Glad I wasn’t the only one left out of the loop. 

Sol waited for me to steady myself before releasing me. And before I could blast him with questions, he answered first. “She’s a teleporter. A rather rare ability. It’s safer traveling this way than by normal transportation. There are a lot of people that don’t want this meeting to happen.” 

I glared at him anyway. “You couldn’t tell me ahead of time?” 

He flashed me a smile. 

Footsteps sounded from further away and our group simultaneously straightened, alert, to greet the newcomers. The large lobby room to some fancy hotel was empty. And because there were no windows, I couldn’t even tell if we were underground or higher up in some building. The thought, the momentary panic of not knowing the first thing about where we were made me reach for Shirushi, but I stopped my hands just before they touched. Withdrawing my hand, I clenched my fingers around my wrist to hold them in place. First it was Sol, then it was... _that guy_ and now Shirushi? I really needed to stop relying on other people. 

Sol stepped forward to shake the hand of a large muscular man who had stepped forward from his own group. 

“Michael Luciano. A pleasure to finally make your acquaintance,” Sol greeted with a polite smile that never reached his eyes. 

“Solius Vermillion,” the head of Luciano said with a nod. His lips were set in a hard frown, and he had a face that looked like it never smiled. Dark hooded eyes rigidly stared down Sol as he tried to intimidate the shorter man. There was only about half a head difference in height, but Michael Luciano made the most of those inches. A perfectly maintained beard framed his equally stiff lips that were too thin. Brown hair was slicked back, revealing a scar that drew from his eyebrow up past his hairline. The buttons of his suit jacket bulged a little, barely able to contain the muscles underneath. He looked like he might be fat covered by all that expensive cloth, but I knew from experience meeting people in the community that everything under that jacket would be pure, trained muscle. 

Another man, much slenderer, much paler, with slicked back pale blonde hair stepped away from the group to join Michael Luciano’s side. I stepped forward as well, not wanting to leave Sol alone to face the pair. He smiled at me and I was reminded of the way snake mouths could split open in ways that human cheeks never could. The snake man reached a hand out to me and I took it with a polite pull of lips, though I confess it was a bit hard to do so. His hands were cold as he wrapped his other hand around mine to keep it in place longer, all the while squeezing down. He was like a snake coiling around its prey. 

“You must be the beautiful Luna Vermillion. I’m Gabriel Luciano.” He rubbed his fingers along the back of my hand and I fought the urge to yank my hand away. 

“A pleasure.” I tried to smile.

He watched me with unsettling eyes. They were dark red in the center, with a lighter red rimming the otherwise white iris. He was an albino. Though his eyes were beautiful, it was the way they stared at me that made me want to run. 

He still had his hands coiled around mine, and I decided that it was long enough. “ _You’re quite friendly,_ ” I said lightly, putting the lightest bit of nen hidden with _In_ into my words, “ _I'_ _m not too used to friendly people. Do you mind?_ ” 

This was the second way to use my kotodama nen. My nen works in the way the words are understood. After all, there are many ways to ask someone to _let my fucking hand go_ without actually putting it quite like that. In other words, I am very _persuasive_. 

“Oh of course. I do apologize.” He said, then blinked, slightly confused, but he dropped my hand. I pulled it back and resisted the urge to rub it on my dress like I had touched something slimy. He flashed another smile at me, the momentary confusion disappearing. Because I wasn’t commanding and I had also masked my own nen with _In_ , it would seem to him that he had dropped my hand of his own choice. 

“Luna.” Sol called, interrupting our little exchange. I turned my attention to the other two. 

“This is my sister, Luna. Luna, this is Michael Luciano, head of the Luciano family.” 

He offered a hand and I took it. The handshake was brief, not too hard, not too light, and he released me afterward, unlike his...was it brother? The pair certainly looked nothing alike. 

The moment he dropped my hand, he turned his attention back to Sol, giving me one last dismissive look. Indeed, Michael Luciano was taller than me by an entire head, but that expression had nothing to do with the height difference and seemingly everything to do with our gender difference. 

I grit my teeth, biting back on the fuse to my temper. I had seen his kind one too many times, especially in the conservative community. It’s really a shame. The older the mafia family could trace its lineage, the more conservative their leaders usually were. They were of the mind that women belonged on the arm as an expensive and beautiful _accessory_. Seen, but not _heard_. After all, your Rolex doesn’t interrupt your conversations to tell you about their opinion of the matter. Some of the worse ones didn’t even see women as necessary for carrying on the family. It didn’t matter to them where the child came from. And even children are often treated as lesser until they could prove themselves worthy of the resources needed to raise an heir. 

I put my wrist in my hand again and gripped down hard enough to bruise. I wasn’t smiling anymore, but at least I wasn’t forcing this pompous ass to his knees. 

“Let us skip the pleasantries and talk about business.” Michael Luciano said, motioning towards the giant and expensive couches that decorated either side of an equally large coffee table. 

The Luciano head and his assumed brother gave us their backs as they went towards the couch. Guards on the Luciano family’s side came over, organizing themselves strategically around the couch further away from us. Their eyes had never left us, which was probably why Michael and Gabriel had been bold enough to give us their backs. 

I expected Sol to join them, but he instead gave me his arm again. He had noticed the exchange between the Luciano head and I and this was his way of comforting me. Flashing him a small smile, I accepted the calming gesture that it was.

We walked over to the couch as equals, our entourage at our heels, and he waited for me to sit before he joined my side. Michael’s face scrunched again, the persistent wrinkle between his brows darkening. 

Sol nodded to me and I spoke first, staring straight into Michael Luciano’s dark brown eyes while I said, “ _To be blunt, we would like you to swear loyalty to the Vermillion family as a vassal family."_

Gabriel’s eyes widened, his eyebrows shooting up in amused surprise while his brother’s eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. He wasn’t even looking at me. Michael was glowering at Sol. “Does a woman speak for you, Head of Vermillion?” Michael asked. 

“She does.” Sol said easily. 

Michael’s lips twisted into an ugly smirk as he scoffed. “Young Vermillion, let me teach you something as your senior in the community. The Heads of the family _speak_ for _themselves_. And even if you were to have a Second offering their counsel, they should _never_ be a _woman_ , much less a _little girl_. Women belong _at home_.” 

Sol spoke from next to me, “Luna is not just any woman. You should do well to remember, _senior,_ though I don’t expect much from the memory of the _elderly_.” 

I smiled. There was my brother. 

Michael bristled. A fine layer of nen appeared around his skin as he lost control of his anger. But even then, the nen wasn’t much. It was thin and rough, uneven in places. It was a sign that he was either a new user, or he wasn’t someone very adept at using nen. 

Though Sol had told me to _subtly persuade_ them and to not let them know of my ability (it makes them more susceptible to persuasion if they weren’t guarded against it), it seemed like I would have to prove my own worth first. 

My nen burst forth from the skin, enveloping both Sol and I in a thick layer of my nen. It was even and dense. Though it was nothing compared to Hisoka’s, I had still trained in nen since I was a child. Years of meditation and _ten_ pounded into us by Uncle make up my aura that I was now displaying in full in front of the pompous Luciano whose lips were parted. He stared slack jawed at me like I had just sprouted a third head. I had his full undivided attention now. 

I pushed my nen outward to spread across the table, swallowing it, until it touched Michael’s aura. It expanded until our auras were flush against each other. I felt it, the sparseness, the lack of discipline and training, and I knew I could push further to tear into his nen, to strike at his body with just my nen. I could kill him, just like that, sitting across from him without saying a word. That was how easy it would be. 

The guards behind Luciano was suddenly moving. They moved for me, but was stopped physically by my aura and the fact that our own guards had mobilized as well. The two forces met each other at the divider line of the coffee table. Knives were drawn and guns were cocked and pointed. 

Gabriel’s aura flared, and he stood to protect his brother, putting himself between me and Michael. He was the only other nen user I could see on their side besides the head. Careless. Or stupid. Possibly both. Admittedly, adequate nen users were hard to find. And the good ones could cost a fortune. It wasn’t terribly unusual for them not to have any as permanent guards. But to not even hire a temporary one for a familial meeting such as this one? Now that was just foolish. 

Gabriel pushed his nen against mine and I could finally feel a bit of resistance. I was tempted, oh so tempted, to rip the two apart. I could do it before the guards could even move. I could do it. I knew I could. And in that moment, I _wanted_ to. I _wanted_ to hurt that pompous ass and that disgusting snake. They were scum of the earth that _deserved_ whatever was coming for them! And...that scared me. I drew back my aura until it only covered the both of us. 

The guards were still tense, but the breath that they had all been holding was finally released. Gabriel wobbled unsteadily on his feet when the physical push of my nen receded. Michael was still seated on the couch, covered in a layer of new sweat. 

I gripped my own wrist, nails digging into flesh. 

Sol raised a hand that signaled to our guards to stand down, “Now that we’ve established _boundaries_ , shall we talk business?” 

Gabriel lowered himself cautiously to the expensive couch again as the guards backed up a few steps. The guns were still out, but they were no longer pointed. Michael swallowed, his lips darting out across his lips. 

I was still frowning, aghast at myself for my earlier...outburst, when Sol gave my thigh a little squeeze. 

“We would like you to swear loyalty to the Vermillion family. You will offer 40% of your income to us and in exchange, you will be given our protection and allowed to operate and organize yourselves as you’ve done so far.” Sol said with an easy smile. 

Michael grimaced. “I do not see any merit for us.” 

“Your merit,” Sol began, releasing his own nen to replace mine, “is your _right_ to _survive_.” 

The Luciano group was suddenly tense again. Gabriel shifted in his seat, never having dropped his nen. He was ready to jump to the defense of Michael, who had clasped his hands in front of him. “Is that a _threat,_ Vermillion?” He glared at Sol despite every goosebump of his threatening to jump ship. 

Sol flashed another smile, “No, it’s simply what will happen.” 

Michael breathed as he steadied himself, and I really had to hand it to him that he could maintain his poise despite the fear that was doubtlessly eating away at him. I guess he wasn’t a head for no reason. “I still see no merit for us. You are not offering us anything we do not already have. You are simply threatening _war_.” 

I spoke up then. “ _You are right, Michael Luciano. A war is coming. I’m sure you know as well as I. Anyone with a brain will choose to stand on the side of the victor. The only difference is who they think that victor is._ ” I chose that moment to push my nen as far out as I could, letting my nen swallow up the entire room as I cast my _en_ as far as it would go. “ _Who do_ you _think will be the victor, Michael Luciano?_ ” 

The ones that could use nen felt my _en_. They could feel the density, the thickness that they now breathed in. Gabriel had gone absolutely still next to Michael. He was like a snake that had been backed into a corner, coiling himself, ready to strike. Michael was still grimacing, the knuckles in his clasped hands wrenched bone white. 

“A coward will choose to stand with the victor. One with _conviction_ will choose the side that speaks to their _pride_. You underestimate us, Luna Vermillion.” Michael said darkly. 

I flashed a smile. A genuine one. Michael may be a pompous misogynistic ass that sucks at nen, but at least he wasn’t a coward. And somehow, that made him a better man to me. Just a smidgeon more. “ _I like you._ ” I said truthfully, “ _What is so wrong with joining us? We will not be taking your name. You will still be the Luciano family. But you’ll also be part of_ our _family. We do not abandon our own. Your family’s place will be even more stable._ ” 

He was quiet. I could see that he was considering my offer. My kotodama was working its small magic, so I continued. “ _You will have our protection. You will be a part of us. Of course, you will also have access to all of our resources."_ I paused, before putting just a bit more nen into my words, “ _Join us, Luciano._ ” 

Michael Luciano was still quiet. His eyes weren’t as dark anymore, the eyebrow crease softening a bit. Gabriel was also not as tense. He sat comfortably next to Michael as he darted his eyes to his leader. The guards had also relaxed. 

I could tell they were right on the edge. One last push would send them over. I just needed one last push, but I was honestly out of things to offer. I only needed one more…

“Clive.” Sol said, reaching a hand out to his secretary that came forward with the black suitcase from earlier. 

The Luciano watched as Clive undid the handcuffs and set the suitcase down on the table. His fingers whirled on the number pad, and the suitcase clicked. Lifting the case open, Clive pushed the case to Sol, who swiveled it around for the Luciano to see. I peaked from the side. Inside the case were three glass tubes, each with a single white pill inside, much like the one the teleporter girl had taken earlier. I could barely make it out, but each pill was marked with an indented “V”. 

Michael and Gabriel’s eyes widened a fraction as they recognized the little pill. “Is that…”

“Yes,” Sol answered with a casual smile, “When Luna said we would offer you our resources as well as our protection, of course that includes small quantities of this.” 

I really wanted to ask what the hell was the pill that everyone aside from me seemed to know, but I couldn’t do it now. I bit down on my question and went along with it like I totally knew what was going on. 

“100.” Michael said, his eyes on fire, “A month.” 

Sol let out a sharp laugh, “You can raise an army with that amount. 10 a month.” 

Michael’s eyes glowered, “That’s too low. 70.” 

Sol’s nen flared. “ _Like I said_ , are you trying to start an _uprising_? 10. No more, no less.” 

Michael grit his teeth against the threat, “I can assure you it is only for _self preservation_. I also understand it to be short lasting. You can’t expect me to only use 10 for an entire month?” 

“I expect you to understand that you will otherwise have _none at all_.” Sol shot back darkly, “This is a _gift_ , Luciano. One that I will not part with easily.” 

The pair glared at each other and I was sure sparks would fly. I broke in before the relation could get any worse. “ _10 is quite a lot.”_ I smiled, “ _It is 10 more than you have now. And you will have more the next month and every month after that. Plus, you can understand why we’re a little hesitant about giving you more right now when our relations are still fresh, can’t you? There will be more opportunities for us to get to know each other.”_

Michael relaxed, the tension on his shoulders sapping away as he nodded. 

Sol smiled. He closed the suitcase and slid it across the table to Luciano. “This is a gift. We will deliver the rest when you have formally sworn loyalty.” 

Michael caught the case and handed it to Gabriel, but not before his fingers lingered a little longer on the smooth black metal, as if he hadn’t wanted to let go. 

“We are family now.” Sol said standing, reaching his hand out across the table. 

Michael took it, and nodded once. When they released each other, Michael turned to face me next and offered his hand. The move had been so unexpected that I had still been seated. I scrambled to my feet to take his hand. He was looking at me squarely this time, as equals, when he squeezed. One firm, solid down motion before it came to a stop. 

“Luna Vermillion. It was a pleasure meeting you.” Michael said. There was genuine sincerity this time in his words, his eyes, and the firm handshake that stayed there a lot longer than the first time. It was probably an apology, of sorts. It was the best I was going to get, and I was somehow okay with that. 

I smiled, and repeated what Sol had said moments earlier. “We are family now,” I said, and I meant it. 

♠♥♣♦

_It’s been a month since we restarted homeschooling. While I had complained in the beginning about going to school despite our education at home being more than sufficient, now that I didn’t have to wake with the sun and rush to the car so that I wouldn’t be late (just me, never Sol), the days seemed lackluster. I couldn’t remember yesterday from the day before that and today and tomorrow didn’t seem to have much meaning. It was a monotonous routine of waking up, heading to the study where the professor would be waiting to continue where we left off the day prior. I hadn’t even seen Sol in awhile. Ever since our birthday, Sol had formally begun to take over the family’s business. Father and Uncle taught him personally. I missed him. Though it was strange. Every time I think of Sol, there would be a momentary flash of anger, wholly unexplainable, and then it would be gone afterward. And even when I think about it, why I was angry at him in the first place, I could never quite put a finger on it. Was it a lack of sleep? Or perhaps the drastic change in daily routine?_

_And on the topic of sleep, I seemed to be having nightmares these days. I say ‘seem’ because I can’t ever recall what it was that I was dreaming, only that when I wake, there would be a sense of discomfort lingering in my chest. A sense of loss? That was perhaps the closest I could come to describe this feeling. Perhaps I was missing my friends from school? But even then, it wasn’t as if they called. I saw them as friends, but perhaps the feeling hadn’t been mutual. And that made me sad. The only one that called seemed to be a stalker. He had called so often I had disconnected my phone entirely. It wasn’t as if my friends called anyway. I considered telling Sol about him, but I wanted him to leave me alone, not dead._

_“Miss,” Alice bowed as she entered the room. I set the hot chocolate in a teacup down to clang quietly against the porcelain saucer. The house had been insistent that mug cups were_ beneath _the standards of a “noble” mafia daughter image-wise, but I hated tea, so to compromise, I had hot chocolate in a teapot and teacup. I know, the family was stickler for the strangest things._

_Alice continued, “There’s a person claiming to be your friend at the front door.”_

_I blinked. Was it Devin? Or maybe Kino?_

_“Did they say who?” I asked a little eagerly._

_“Roanne Deveroux.” She answered._

_I blinked again, a bit disappointed it wasn’t my friends. Roanne Deveroux… Roanne Deveroux… The name was so familiar. I should know this name, but I couldn’t seem to recall… Was he someone I didn’t speak to much in my class perhaps? “Did he say what he wanted?”_

_“No, Miss…” Alice frowned, her face scrunching up into worry again. She was always making this face nowadays. “Only that he wanted to see you.”_

_Clive, Sol’s new secretary, appeared behind Alice and bowed lowly. “Miss, excuse the interruption, but the young Master has said he will deal with the guest. The guest is one of his friends.”_

_I frowned. “But Alice said the guest was here for me.” The crease between Alice’s brows had deepened and her lips trembled while her fingers clenched together. She looked absolutely terrified._

_“It must have been a mistake.” Clive responded, flitting a disapproving look to Alice, who had stiffened. Her gaze locked to the spotless carpet and the trembling spread to her entire body until her shoulders quivered._

_“Is that so?” I frowned. Alice wasn’t one to make mistakes. She was usually very meticulous in her work, but she was only human. “Don’t be so afraid, Alice,” I flashed her a smile, trying to comfort my maid. “Everyone makes mistakes. Clive, don’t be too hard on her.” I instructed before picking up another cookie to nibble at._

_Clive bowed deeply again. “Yes, Miss. Please excuse us.” He opened the door and stared pointedly at Alice, who was still frozen in place. Clive didn’t move, simply waited for the terrified maid to exit before he closed the door gently behind him. I wonder what that had been about?_

_Roanne Deveroux…_

_I shook my head in defeat, taking another sip at my hot chocolate. Must be one of Sol’s friends. It was no wonder his name was familiar._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 coming really soon! Along with a Valentine's Day segment with Hisoka in an AU-ish setting between Luna and Hisoka! Lots of shameless smut ♥


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna grills Sol about everything he's been hiding from her. In the past, Sol and Luna enjoy a Valentine's Day~

Again, if you can't see the picture, here's the [**link**](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/50943244658_4757b217ec_k.jpg)

♥♥♥

Dinner with the Luciano ended uneventfully. Sol and Michael discussed the intricacies of their agreement while I more or less ate while occasionally having small talk with Gabriel, who turned out to be not as creepy as I first pegged him for. Apparently, his snake-act was an intimidation tactic. He was actually quite friendly and normal despite his unusual appearance. He often joked with Michael (who turned out to be his cousin), even managing to incite a few grins from the otherwise stone-faced head of the Luciano. 

If it seems unusual that two newly joined family heads would be able to have such an informal dinner, that’s because it was. My kotodama nen was activated the entire time and I was careful to always slip in a few words here and there to keep it in effect. It makes them relax, makes them more friendly, and makes them trust us. Though it may seem like a fraud, in a way, to befriend them like this, I had full intentions of truly becoming family with them, so it stung less on my consciousness. 

When we parted ways and the teleporter girl (whose name I got was Dendra) sent us back in another dizzying spin, the first thing I did after my feet touched the cold tiled floor in our backyard was grab Sol’s hand before he could run off again. 

Breathing out a cold puff of hair that drifted up to the dark sky in a white cloud, Sol dismissed the guards with a wave of his hand. His secretary, Clive, took care of the rest as he organized the guards and escorted Dendra off to wherever she was supposed to be. Clive tried to herd Shirushi away, but my bodyguard was obstinate in ignoring him. After a while, Sol shook his head and Clive dismissed himself with a bow, leaving Shirushi by my side still and the three of us out in the bitter cold. 

“You better start explaining.” I warned, “You know how much I hate it when you hide things from me.” 

“I’ll explain inside.” Sol attempted to move us through the door, but I planted my feet. 

“I’m fine here. Who knows how else you’re going to put it off.” I set my teeth. It was cold. Colder than when we left for dinner, and I was still half bare at the mercy of the frigid winter winds. 

“You’re freezing.” Sol reasoned pointedly. 

“I don’t care.” 

His brows scrunched up in frustrated concern. “Luna,” he said, his voice firm. 

I shook my head as I fought off the urge to hug my arms to my chest to conserve the heat. I knew I was being stubborn. But I had a right to be. He had told me practically nothing. I went into that negotiation blind, not even knowing what I was negotiating for. The little pill had clearly been a large part of the reason why the Lucianos had agreed in the end. And, Sol had fully intended to use it as leverage. Even his secretary knew more than I did, which was fine if he was going to leave me totally out of it, but if he was going to use me to help him negotiate, then he better tell me all of it. 

Sol blew out a breath that clouded the space between us. He took off the suit jacket that he wore and moved to drape it over my shoulders, but I stepped out of reach. 

“Luna!” He called, his voice beginning to raise. The first stirrings of concern turned over to anger. 

“You tell me now, or I freeze to death.” I threatened. 

He made an angry sound that was only reserved for me (the head of Vermillion was too noble a character to make such a humanly sound) and his fingers balled into the jacket dangling uselessly in his hand. 

“I promise to tell you everything if you just go inside,” he said, then added a little lighter, “Please?” 

I shook my head again, gritting down harder. My jaw was getting sore from clenching down on teeth that threatened to chatter if I relaxed even the slightest bit, not that it was possible in this biting cold. 

“Luna, you stubborn--” Sol exclaimed, trailing off as he squeezed his eyes shut. He blinked them open as he blew out his anger before finally settling on a defeated sigh. “You really drive me crazy, you know that?” 

“Right back at you.” 

“What do you want to know?” He blew out another breath as he took a seat on a nearby bench. 

“Everything.” 

“The pill?” He asked, and patted the bench next to him, motioning for me to join him.

I nodded and lowered myself to the wooden planks to find them dry, surprisingly, and wondered if someone had dried them earlier. 

“It’s called Vito,” Sol said, and threw his jacket around my shoulder before I could stop him, “It’s a drug that can amplify one’s nen ability.” 

My lips parted involuntarily before I could gather myself again. “I didn’t know there was such a drug.” 

“Because it’s new.” Sol answered easily, “I made it.” 

I blinked. “What do you mean you made it?” 

“Exactly what I said.” Sol said. His burning hand found mine and he massaged them to keep them warm. “It’s processed from Gin’s gas that has the ability to widen the micropyles on the body. In effect, it forcefully makes one’s aura stronger temporarily.” Sol ran his hand up the length of my arms, one at a time, before rubbing them on my bare thighs. 

I stared at Sol, but my mind was going a mile a minute to process the information he had just told me. This was huge. Revolutionary. I had never heard of a drug that had the effect of strengthening one’s nen ability. Apparently the Hunters Association had tried a long time ago to find such a drug or device in vain. If I remembered the history correctly, there had been people with nen abilities that did indeed have the power to momentarily strengthen one’s nen, but they were unable to make that into something separate from the original nen user. This greatly limits the threat of this overpowering ability. But if Sol had managed to make it functionally independent from Gin...Not only the Hunters Association, doubtlessly the entire underworld community, perhaps even the world governments, would go to war for this drug. This drug had the potential to shatter the delicate balance of power! 

“Why?” I exclaimed, “Why did you make something like this?! Don’t know you--” I broke off as I watched Sol, whose expression had not once changed during our entire conversation. Of course he knew. He would know better than anyone the implications of this drug and what effect it would have on the world. He knew, and he still went ahead with it. 

“They’re going to _kill_ you!” I pleaded with him. It was my turn to clench at his hands that still rubbed along my skin trying to warm me up. 

He grinned, a lopsided pull of lips, “I don’t die that easily.” 

“The Hunters Association, the V6, the community, you’re going to have everyone--” I broke off again, my lips agape as I realized something that finally made sense. The flowers under the snow, the teleporter girl, the words that the Luciano had said…

“Sol,” I said, “What happens if a non-nen user takes the drug?” 

Sol was silent. Downcast eyes glued themselves to my lap where his hands busied themselves against my skin. 

“Sol.” I called, trying to catch his gaze. They were very deliberate in avoiding me. 

“Sol, what happens to normal people who take the drug?” I repeated my question again. 

He finally sighed and he raised tight sapphire eyes to meet mine. 

“Oh my god.” I said hollowly. 

“You really catch on quick, don’t you?” 

I stared at my brother, who had made a choice that was akin to sticking his own head through a noose. A drug that could amplify nen could already shake up the entire power balance from the roots. But...a drug that could turn normal people into a nen-wielding army… That had the potential to turn the entire world against you. No, not potential...no matter how skilled at negotiations you are, this drug will most _definitely_ turn the world against you. It wasn’t a matter of _if_ anymore, but rather _when_ and _who_? 

“Why?” Was the only thing I could ask. 

Sol gave me a small smile, “I told you, I really do need your help this time, Luna. I really don’t have another choice.” 

“You always have another choice!” I yelled, yanking myself away from his hands. He set them back to his lap. 

“Is death really a choice?” He countered, sapphire eyes darkening a shade. 

“What’s wrong with not being the strongest? So what if they merge against us? So what if they become stronger than us again?” 

“You don’t understand.” Sol said with eyes downcast. He clenched his fingers together on his lap. 

“What don’t I understand? It’s just not being the strongest, losing some money, losing some power! Is your pride really worth risking your life? All of our lives?!” 

“I said you don’t understand!” Sol shouted. 

I went quiet.

“My pride?” Sol pressed, turning angry sapphire eyes to me, “You think I’m risking all of this for my _pride_? To hell with my pride!” He rose from the bench in anger, twisting around to loom over me. 

Shirushi had taken a step closer to us, a frown now on his lips, but Sol hadn’t noticed. He was too far gone in his own anger. 

“You don’t understand _anything._ ” Sol hissed, “What do you think they do to the _former strongest?_ Hmm? You think they just let them be? Like it’s some marathon race, some competition? No.” He scoffed, “No, my dear sweet sister. No. You know what they do? They _destroy_ them. The moment the number two overtakes the number one, the first thing they do is make sure the former number one will never be able to rise up again. They _crush_ them. Until number one is last place and very much dead and out of the _race_.” Sol snapped. He breathed, exhaling his anger, blowing it out in a cold hazy puff to join the darkness overhead as his shoulders rose and fell with every hot breath before finally stilling. He watched me, the hurt on my face, and his own twisted into regret. 

I truly didn’t understand anything. I _had_ been thinking of it as a race. But I shouldn’t have. I knew first hand exactly what kind of people the community was comprised of. I knew their methods, their way of thinking. I thought I knew, but I didn’t. It was exactly like Sol said. The community was ruthless. The moment we fall from number one, none of us would be spared. All of our guards, all of our servants, every last mundane connection to us, no matter how slight, would be eliminated without mercy. Of course, this would include all the orphanages and hospitals that I had worked so hard to establish over the years. They ran on Vermillion money, after all. It was just as Sol said; I hadn’t understood a thing. 

“I’m fine if they kill me.” Sol finally spoke again, “I’m fine if they kill Father, if they kill Uncle, if they kill everyone...But I can’t lose you.” His voice cracked. A single tear trickled down Sol’s cheek and it ripped through my heart on the way down. Was this the first time I had ever seen Sol cry?

I stood and wrapped my arms that were much too short around his body. He stood stiffly while I tried to wrap as much of me around him as I could. It was useless, so very useless. What would a hug do? What could a hug solve? But what was more useless was the fact that that was all I could do. In the face of the drug that Sol had unleashed because he had no choice and the coming war that would come as a result, I was so completely powerless to do anything. And for the first time in my life, I found myself wanting to use my World Script for the family, though I had no idea what I would say. How was I supposed to fix this? Could I even? And, could we last until my birthday? These were all the questions weighing down on me while we stood there in the bitter cold, hanging onto each other like we were each other’s last anchor to the world. 

♠♥♣♦

_Today was Valentine’s Day. Sol had left me a small piece of parchment outside my door last night written in his beautiful handwriting: Wait for me after morning classes. It had made me smile all throughout the boring math class today that I had barely paid attention to. While the professor droned on and on about gradient descent, I was thinking about what kind of surprise Sol would have for me._

_It was almost half past 11 when the professor finally set down his chalk with a sigh. “Miss, we can end class earlier today, but we’ll go over twice as much next time,” he said with a frown. I beamed at the tired professor who gave a small chuckle._

_“Is it a date?” He asked, noting that it was Valentine’s day, after all._

_I laughed, shaking my head. “Noo, it’s my brother. I don’t have a boyfriend.”_

_“And here I thought you were eagerly waiting for class to end for a date. Perhaps we should continue our lesson after all?” He teased._

_I laughed again and skipped for the door before he made true on his threat while shouting over my shoulder, “I take it back! It’s a date!”_

_Throwing open the doors, I almost crashed into Sol who was already there waiting outside in a fancier dress shirt than the ones he normally wore. He was a little red faced, having probably overheard our conversation through the door._

_A small shy smile decorated his lips as he caught me from charging into him. Wrapping strong arms around me, he gave me a hug, one that I returned eagerly. Behind me, I heard the professor chuckle and I pulled away with an embarrassed flush. Sol let me go, the shyness having uncharacteristically deepened, but it wasn’t a bad look on him. I actually preferred this version of Sol. Sol reached into his pocket to retrieve something, then his hands brought the object up to my hair where he worked at my silvery strands, pinning it to my hair. I touched the trinket, feeling jewels and metal before turning curious eyes back to Sol who guided me to the window where the scenery outside and our reflections overlapped._

_It was a hair clip, a deep sapphire blue rose made of sparkling jewels on beautifully crafted gold metal vines. Rounded eyes marveled at my reflection in the mirror and I touched it, pressing fingers to the cold jewels. “It’s beautiful…” I let out in awe, my eyes locking with Sol’s in the window reflection. He gave another small smile._

_“I put my nen in it.” He said, tapping the flower. “It’s on the backside of the metal. It’ll protect you when I’m not around.”_

_Turning in my heels, I threw arms around Sol’s neck, burying my face to his chest. “I love it.” I said._

_He patted my back gently before I finally pulled away again to marvel at my reflection. Sol reached into his pocket again and this time, he pulled out a long black sash. He reached around me and placed the thick fabric against my eyes before tying the sash in the back._

_“Sol?”_

_“Shhh.” He hushed me, and my feet was suddenly airborne. Sol lifted me easily, carrying me against his chest bridal-style as he walked. I heard his heels hitting the marbled flooring before the sound changed to gravel and I knew Sol had stepped outside. He lowered me onto cushioned seats that I recognized as the car._

_“Where are we going?” I asked, curious._

_“It’s a surprise.”_

_I pursed my lips. I loved and hated surprises at the same time. To be more precise, I loved surprises, but I hated the anticipation. I was much too curious a person to actually enjoy surprises. The only surprises I liked were the kind I had no prior knowledge of at all. Honestly, I was just impatient._

_The car ride had gotten long. The blindfold that blocked out all light started to make me sleepy, especially when coupled with the natural sway of the car as it moved along. I leaned my head against his shoulder, and Sol laced his fingers through mine._

_I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, Sol had my head on his lap as he brushed fingers through my hair. I sat up, wiping the corner of my mouth hoping I hadn’t drooled on him, not that it would be the first time even if I had._

_The car had stopped moving and the sound of the engine had quieted. From the feel of the seating, I knew we were still in the car. “Are we there?” I asked, reaching for the blindfold, but Sol’s hands stopped me, pulling them back down to my lap._

_“We’re here.” He said, and I heard the door click open. Sol’s hands found mine and he led me out of the car carefully, placing a hand to my head so that I wouldn’t hit my head on the car frame while exiting. Once my heels touched the ground, Sol again picked me up easily. I couldn’t even tell if we were walking on paved roads or not. The only sound I could hear was birds chirping._

_“Are you using me as weights for exercise?” I joked as I wrapped my arms around his neck._

_I heard a small huff of a laugh as he continued._

_We must have gone for at least 30 minutes to an hour. I couldn’t tell. I almost fell asleep again against his chest when he finally came to a stop._

_I blinked awake against the blindfold._

_Sol gently set me down to my feet where he left me. I stood there, unsure of what to do, but trusted that he would tell me if I was expected to go somewhere or do something._

_The sound of things being shuffled came a ways in front of me. Sol touched my hand and he led me slowly forward. The ground underneath was soft, squishy where my heels sunk in and difficult to walk on. Was this why he carried me the entire way? I could’ve just changed shoes. Then, the feel of the floor underneath changed again before we came to a stop._

_“Sit.” Sol said, and I slowly lowered myself to the ground. Feeling around with my fingers, I found a piece of fabric that had been laid out on the ground and I smoothed out my dress before sitting down._

_Sol moved behind me and his fingers worked on my blindfold before it fell. Momentarily, I was blinded by the light. Squinting and blinking, my eyes finally adjusted to the almost magical scene before me._

_White petals fluttered everywhere. They were most densely packed in the flower trees that were in full bloom all around us, starkly contrasted against its dark wooded bark. The tiny petals fell gently until the wind blew and then the sky swirled as if it were snowing. Patches of grass grew where the sun filtered through the flowers. Wild plants and bushes grew naturally where the seeds had landed and taken root. Wildflowers that I couldn’t put a name to grew with unbound resilience. Nearby, a small creek skipped over smoothed out rocks, carving its way through the forest._

_I turned wide eyes to Sol and he smiled, a wide stretch of lips that I hadn’t seen since we had both outgrown childhood. The sight almost brought tears to my eyes as my face scrunched up from the piece of heart stuck in my throat._

_Sol blinked at my expression, his own twisting into worry and concern. “What’s wrong?” He asked, reaching for my cheek._

_I shook my head, not wanting to ruin the moment by bringing up how we’ve both changed. I smiled widely, sniffling up the runaway snot. “It’s beautiful.” I choked out._

_He gave me a weird grin._

_I leaned my head against his shoulder while we admired the flowers._

_Flowers are all the more beautiful because they are impermanent. It is because you know that they will die one day that you must admire them more now. They are giving their all in this very moment. And that which is fated to end is beautiful… fleeting… and all the more sorrowful._

_“Happy Valentines Day.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I would be ecstatic to read comments! I don't mind critiques as well! It would be helpful to improve my writing!


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